Unforeseen Events Revisited
by jmolly
Summary: Watch out for Dads with guns and vamps with cameras. They'll be the death of you. Updated version of UE with additional scenes and details.
1. Prologue: Titch is Wearing Us Out

**Hiya peeps :) **

**As I told you some months ago, I haven't been happy with "Unforeseen Events", as posted 2 years ago. It was always meant to be a multi-chapter fic. Many readers have asked me not to touch the original, so I have left it posted as is, and you can read it and compare it to this if you like. So, this is "UE Revisited". My style has evolved a lot in 2 years, and this is how I wanted the story to be. I just didn't know how to accomplish it at the time. Lol.**

**My beta is having 'fun' (insert sarcasm) with RL, but I think you can look forward to "Dove4" soon. I am working on 5 different chapters for different stories. You will get more from me soon, promise.**

**For those who don't know, my husband Anthony's Dad passed away on July 10, 2011. Thank you to all those who have sent prayers, condolences and well-wishes. Much love goes back to you.**

**I'm nominated in the Shimmer Awards for best storyteller****. Please visit and vote for your faves:)**

**theshimmerawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com  
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**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Prologue: Titch Is Wearing Us Out**

**Saturday, July 16th, 2005:**

_**420 Woodcroft Avenue, Forks, Washington State:**_

_**Edward's pov:**_

Time used to drag for me. Now, the days seemed to blur. Only twenty-seven days remained until Bella would take my name and belong to me forever. Somehow, she was changing me: I didn't hate myself so much anymore. I was beginning to accept what I was. Dealing with some _other _individuals was not becoming easier, however. Maybe it was just angst, but I was having an increasingly hard time controlling my irritation.

The wedding planner, my normally fun sister Alice, whom I call Titch, was driving all of us mad. All the big things on her list were checked off, and we were now down to the finer details. The pace she set was still beyond frenetic, and it was wearing on the entire family's nerves. I had taken to calling her 'Boss'. _Yes, Boss. Coming Boss. _Titch had morphed into a terrifying little monster. I found myself just _doing_ what she ordered, without thinking much about it, just to keep her off my back.

This morning, Titch had attired me in Armani, and forced Bella into a handkerchief-sized black dress that she normally wouldn't be caught dead in. Then she dragged us out to some farmer's field and took professional quality photographs that would probably _not_ endear me to Charlie. She had bullied us into poses that would have earned a shotgun wedding in my day, insistent that romantic engagement photographs were all the rage. I suspected it would come back to haunt us at some future date. Oddly, it did not seem to faze Bella at all, and Titch was adamant that we would be glad to have the pictures to look back on.

Alice and Rosalie spent hours pouring over the images, bickering incessantly over which were best and how to tweak the compositions to perfection. Bella and I had taken advantage of their preoccupation to sneak out for a run and a cuddle, but we'd been back for an hour now, tensely ticking items off Titch's annoying list.

"Flowers?" I sighed.

"Check," my Bella grunted.

"Taper candle wicks?"

"Check."

"Place cards complete?"

"Check."

"Final guest count?"

"Yeppers." She yawned, and rested her head on my shoulder. I wondered if we could escape upstairs for a lie down. My dick liked that idea. Bella and I were hardly getting any 'practice' these days.

Practice: mmm, yeah!_ Twitch, twitch, twitch_! Down, Mr Ed! Surely I could make an excuse to spruce off upstairs with my favourite human.

No, Titch would just interrupt us. It would be better to sneak out. What kind of excuse could I make?

My sisters interacted in a muddle of joy and irritability that had Jasper skulking in a corner. Jasper was hardly ever home these days. Between my sisters' arguing, and the smouldering desire that Bella and I were exuding every five minutes, Jazz was almost as anxious as me for the big day to arrive, just so he could get rid of me and Bella for a few weeks.

Emmett came through the front door. "Hey, Bimbo. Hey, Baby Bee. How's it hanging?"

We simply growled, perplexing the big lug. Jazz latched onto Em without a word, and dragged him off hunting. There's only so much an emo-receptive psychic can take.

Just when Bella and I thought we could make a safe getaway, Titch approached with an armload of proofs for our inspection. Apparently, we were not to make our escape before choosing a picture for the engagement announcement. What a rum break!

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Bella was frazzled. And hungry. It was way past feeding time for the human. I opened my mouth to tell Alice to eat her heart out, when Bella's cell phone rang. _A mercy_, thought I. _ Bella and I can make our excuses._

Little did I realize that unforeseen events were about to be set in motion, that would lead to a day of panic for us both.


	2. Chapter 2: Two Hour Torture

**Chapter 2: Two Hour Torture**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Saturday, July 16th, 2005, continued:**

_**Edward's pov:**_

Bella's Blackberry rang and she grabbed it. It was Angela. Bella visibly relaxed. Perhaps _Angela _was psychic.

"_Hi, Bella!"_

"Ang! Hi," my mate's eyes flickered hopefully over to mine. I felt better already.

"_Do you guys need a break from the wedding insanity?"_

"You know it," my mate declared, eyes rolling. Alice stuck her tongue out at her. Bella ignored her.

"_Could you possibly spare the time to take in a matinee with me and Ben tomorrow afternoon?"_

What a lifesaver! I nodded at Bella in encouragement and plans were quickly firmed up. Bella's relief was palpable. My mood lifted instantly. A couple of quiet hours to sit still together with undemanding friends sounded so appealing.

Alice tried to spoil it, to take control of our time once again. "I don't think you'll find this double date relaxing, Edward. You'd be better off spending the day with me".

I scoffed. "What could be more stressful than another day of unrelenting Bridesmaidzilla?"

"You'll be sorreeeee."

Yeah, right.

**Sunday, July 17th, 2005, 1:30pm:**

An uneventful (and sadly unromantic) night and morning passed, and after an early lunch, we drove to Port Angeles to rendezvous with our friends. Bella and I chatted optimistically about our future plans along the way.

Perhaps we should have asked in advance which movie Ang and Ben were hoping to see, but neither of us thought to enquire. When they made their preference clear, Bella and I looked at each other in alarm. Our friends had picked the summer's blockbuster: a hot romance flick that was sensationalized in the minds of _every _teen who had seen it. It was the kind of movie Bella and I routinely avoided, based on the premise that our tenuous hold on virtuous behaviour did _not_ need that kind of trial. Besides, watching naked people get giggedy just wasn't right. My late mother and father would be rolling in their graves if they knew I intended to do such a thing.

Bella tentatively voiced her reluctance to Angela, "It's, um…a little steamy, isn't it?" My mate's eyelashes fluttered and the colour rose up her neck. She was flustered. I'd say it was adorable, but I was so fretful that I barely noticed.

Normally we could count on Angela to be accommodating. Not so today. "Oh, come on Bella! You're getting married in a few weeks. Don't be so uptight". _I don't get why they take things so seriously._

Angela grabbed Ben's hand and led the way to the ticket booth.

_I wonder if this movie will loosen Angela's morals for me, _Ben wondered. Ben? Treat that little angel badly, and I'll eat you.

Bella and I eyed each other warily. Somehow her eyes reminded me of a deer's before I pounced on it. I wondered what my face looked like. We broke eye contact and walked to the counter as though we were entering the Volturi's death chamber. So much for a stress-free afternoon. Why did I bet against Alice?

"Two tickets please," I said to the sour-looking matron in the kiosk.

"Are you eighteen?" she asked, giving me the hairy eyeball.

"Yes," I said with artificial calm, producing my false ID card, while Bella produced her genuine one. The lady handed us our tickets without further ado.

Sitting through the movie was sheer torture. The indubitably excellent plot was both angst-ridden and seductive, and the climax (pun totally intended) was an extended lovemaking scene with full frontal nudity. Bella and I spent the majority of the two hours cringing away from each other. Bella ate M&M peanuts compulsively. Her flirty skirt was too short and her white tank top emphasized her minxy curves. As usual, I was holding her hand on my knee, and I knew from experience that she was turned on. Her feminine fragrance was a torment in the dark theatre, making me gulp down venom. Blushing heat rolled off her in waves. It caressed me. There was no escape from it.

Angela and Ben picked up on our discomfort and exchanged an inward laugh. Some friends. I had no clue how they were coping. I knew from reading their minds that they hadn't gone as far as Bella and me. And yet they seemed to be unfazed by the action onscreen. How unfair was that?

It wasn't so bad when the characters were doing things that Bella and I had done before. It was when they moved on, to things which we had not yet tried, that it got intense. And I wanted to try everything. Oh, boy, did I want to!

I squirmed uncomfortably, hoping my mate wouldn't notice that Mr Ed was trying to wave 'hello'. Not that they hadn't started to become acquainted over the past couple of months, but they had not met face to face, so to speak. But still, this wasn't the time or place for my dick to make itself noticeable. Well, of _course_ Bella noticed. She brushed the back of her wrist accidentally-on-purpose over my bulge, making me insane with want. I gave her a look that ought to have melted her panties. Even though we intended to remain virgins until the wedding night, practise was needful, and I wanted her to know she was driving me mad. I was pretty sure the feeling was mutual. Perhaps we could sneak off somewhere to indulge in a little dry-humping. That would take some stress off us, for sure.

Finally, the movie ended and we exhaled in relief. Outside on the sidewalk, Angela and Ben suggested that we all spend the rest of the day together in Port Angeles.

"How 'bout we go out for dinner?" Angela smiled.

Bella hastily declined. "Um, no thanks. We have... stuff. Um, you know, Alice. Irritating pixie. She wants us home to do... you know, wedding ... stuff."

Have I mentioned that Bella is a terrible liar?

Ang and Ben smirked at each other. They didn't buy it, but they didn't argue with us either, and I sent up my thanks to all that was holy for that. Bella and I needed some space.

The pair of us took a leisurely, non-contact walk on the boardwalk, heading toward the Volvo.

"Well, that was ... awkward," my fiancée admitted.

"I'll say," I answered, eyes rolling.

"What were Ang and Ben thinking?" she murmured, shaking her head. I sighed, not liking to rat them out.

"Come on, you know you can tell me. It's not like I'm about to tattle on you."

I ran my hand through my hair. "They think we're uptight, which is really quite funny considering how ... chaste they are."

"You mean they haven't...?" Bella began.

"They've done a lot less than we have," I said, staring out at the Strait of Juan de Fuca.

"Really?" Bella asked, looking jiggered. "Ang always seems so surprised when she asks if we've done something and I tell her 'no'."

"Ang and Ben aren't engaged, and she has a really interesting view on chastity. Ben is... frustrated with her. Of course, Ben is also terrified of the Good Mister Weber."

"Mr Weber just doesn't seem scary to me," Bella murmured.

"You didn't _See_ him warn Ben off when they started going out," I grinned. "Scared the tar out of the sappy date. I am actually surprised that Angela's Dad doesn't have her in a chastity belt. He's very defensive of her."

"I wonder what the rest of our premarital counseling sessions are going to be like," Bella mused.

"Terrifying," I said hollowly.

"Why do you say that?"

"Seriously, Bella, were you there for the first one, when he asked what I expected from you sexually on the wedding night? I nearly dropped dead on the spot. First thing out of his mouth. And the next question was, 'So how far have you gone?' He's lucky I didn't clock him one."

"I know, right? But the second one wasn't so bad, about division of chores and such."

"No," I agreed, biting the inside of my cheek.

"Have you done your homework?"

"No," I said, running my hand through my hair again. "I don't think there's a single honest thing I can say about how my upbringing has impacted the way I plan to raise children."

"Oh, I can help you with that," my mate smiled, eyeing me sidelong, and I knew I was about to get razzed. "You can tell him that you plan to raise them to be seen and not heard, say their prayers, obey you or be threatened with fire and brimstone, and exile them to madhouses if you ever catch them masterba-"

"Isabella Marie Swan, that is scandalous! You are wicked!" I gasped, while she giggled and hugged herself. "My parents weren't that bad."

"Of course they weren't, Mocha-chino. I'm just messing with you."

"Well cut it out, or I'll turn you over my knee," I growled.

"Promises, promises."

"Behave," I said, eyes slitted.

"You like it when I'm naughty. Admit it."

"It's not ... proper," I said, pursing my lips, wishing all the while to be talked out of being proper.

"Forget what's proper. Underneath that cool exterior is a hot, horny-"

"Bella, you're not helping," I growled, wondering why I was clinging to the propriety thing.

"Practice, Edward."

"I was hoping to," I admitted nervously, tugging at my hair again, "but that film..."

"What about it?" Bella asked, brow crinkling. I smoothed the crease between her eyes out with my fingers.

"It reminded me..." I said, pausing to bite my lip. Bella caressed it, trying to pull it loose.

"What is it, Mocha-chino?" she whispered. I pressed my cheek into her hand, tasting her scent in the sea air.

"My hold on my ... d-desires is... tenuous," I fretted. "I just about picked you up in that theatre, and ran you to Canada."

"Mm," she shrugged, astounding me. "Disrespectfully domineering, but despite that, I wouldn't mind going back to British Columbia. Alice might have something to say about it, though."

"It would sure devastate her plans," I grinned, half-tempted to actually do it. Bella laughed, and I joined in. It felt good to break the tension.

"I think we had best behave ourselves," Bella said, smiling. "I want my Big Vampire Wedding, complete with human moments."

I took her hand and ran my lips over her inner arm, then held it up to press a kiss into her palm. "Your wish is my command."

"How about that practice?" she whispered, zoning in on my mouth. I pressed kisses to each corner of hers, then brushed more onto her lips.

"I don't know if I can control myself today, Mrs Cullen," I admitted sadly, pressing myself against her soft belly so she could feel my dick straining at the restrictive denim of my jeans. Bella rested her forehead against mine, sighing.

"We need practice, Edward. It's less than a month away."

"I know. I want to. It's just..."

She looked at me frankly. "You're afraid to get carried away."

I squirmed uncomfortably. "Yes. And I'm ... incrediblyfrustratedrightnow. There always seems to be somebody around, interrupting us."

"You've got that right," she pouted. "It is frustrating. Maybe we should go back to Sol Duc."

"Family won't let us," I grunted.

"Family doesn't need to know," Bella coaxed me.

"They always know," I pouted.

"Meddling pixie. Tell her you're going to bite me if we don't get some alone-time."

" 'Kay," I agreed, feeling better. The last thing my sister would want would be to have Bella turn into a Newborn in time to greet our wedding guests. Where Titch had found sixty humans to invite was beyond me. I didn't think I even knew sixty humans. Oh, well.

"Better book it tonight. Behaving myself is becoming more difficult by the second. You are irresistible, Mocha-chino."

"I think that's my line. I could teach you to play piano if you want. Keep your hands busy."

"Pass."

"Hah. You have other plans for keeping your hands busy, don't you! Naughty plans. Wolf in sheep's clothing."

"Shut up," she giggled.

We walked around town until we were able to cool off and chuckle over our weaknesses, and then decided to head for home. Charlie would soon be expecting his supper, and he was put out enough with me for marrying his daughter, without me making him wait for food.

Bella was right. We needed to run away for at least one overnight. I would call the Sol Duc Resort as soon as we got to her place, and make us a reservation. Then, the only hurdle would be hiding our activities from Charlie, and we had been doing that for months, right? No big. As for Alice, she could sit on a tack. My relationship with Bella was more important than any damned list.

I smiled. Everything was going to be fine.


	3. Chapter 3: Bad Idea

**Chapter 3: Bad Idea**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Sunday, July 17th, 2005, circa 5:30pm:**

_**775 K Street, Forks, Washington State:**_

_**Edward's pov:**_

As soon as we got to Bella's house, she bee-lined for the kitchen and started pulling ingredients out of the fridge for Charlie's dinner. Steak stir-fry. Ugh. Disgusting. Before she even had anything unwrapped, the telephone rang jarringly, making us both jump. Bella grabbed it.

"Oh, hi Dad. What's up?"

"_Lou Petty called in sick, so I have to work a double. I'll probably be out all night, so don't wait up for me. Doubt Mark can come in tonight. He and Patty are busy with the new baby."_

Bella regarded me seriously. I wondered what she was thinking. I knew what Mr Ed was thinking, but listening to him wouldn't be wise. At all.

"That's too bad, Dad. I'll still cook your dinner, and leave it in the fridge. Then, when you get home-"

"_Nah, don't bother, Bells. I have peanut butter and cookies here. I'll just make myself a snack. That fiancé of yours still there?"_

"Yes, _Edward_ is still here," she corrected him, pouting. I hurried to rub her back, and she sighed, leaning against me.

"_Stay downstairs_," my almost-father-in-law growled.

"Dad!" Bella protested. "Do you have to be like that?"

Although I couldn't _Hear_ him from that distance, I knew exactly what Charlie would be thinking: why buy the cow if you could get the milk for free? It really hurt that his opinion of me was so low, but I tried not to show it. He was going to lose his only child to me permanently, within a short period of time.

Unbeknownst to Bella, all the details of our 'deaths' had been worked out, including the provision of bodies. I absolutely did not want to know where Jasper and Emmett had obtained John and Jane Doe, but my brothers had assured me that they had had nothing to do with the deaths. They had simply retrieved the pair from wherever Titch had directed, and had them respectfully stored on ice. Well, I assumed they were fairly... fresh, although for all I knew, the cadavers might be twenty years old. Once my car was identified, at the foot of the cliff, there would be no real reason to examine the bodies.

"_I'm sorry, Bells. I'm trying to trust him, really. It's just hard, after the way he left you last September, you know?"_

"He left me because he thought I didn't love him, Charlie." Her lips pressed into a firm line, that I knew meant trouble. I shook my head and made a gesture with my hands, pleading with my mate to calm down. The last thing I wanted was for her to fight with her father. She would have enough regrets.

Bella and Charlie both sighed.

"_I'm sorry I upset you, Bells. I just want you to realize that you're not married yet. Anything could happen in a month. You're so young. You could change your mind, or he could change his. And if you... got pregnant..."_

"Dad! I wish you would give me a little credit! Neither one of us is stupid," she snapped.

"_Go ahead, and call me and your Mom stupid. Babies happen. And there's something else, as well you know."_

"What?" Bella huffed, glaring into space.

"_His health condition. His father said ... you could catch it."_

"Just how long have you been waiting to bring that up?" Bella snapped, eyes flashing.

Since Tuesday, January 30th, 2004, at 2:36 pm, the exact moment when Billy Black had brought it up in front of Charlie, that's when.

"_Um,_" Charlie hesitated.

"His health doesn't matter, Dad. I tell him that all the time. As long as he sticks to his diet and stays out of the sun, he's perfectly healthy. And it's not like it's a death sentence, you know. If I c-catch it, I catch it. No big."

And that summed up Isabella Swan's attitude about vampirism in a handful of simple sentences. Nothing anybody else tried to tell her could convince her otherwise. Not a death sentence, indeed! Since when had my mate become such a good liar? I was obviously a bad influence. However, our bed was made, and I wanted to lie in it. In more ways than one. And feeling sorry for Charlie was not going to stop me from claiming my mate, even if Bella would agree to change our set course. And she wouldn't, because she loved me.

She loved me. I twined up one of her curls on my fingers, and kissed her temple. The tension went out of her, and she rested against my torso while waiting for Charlie's response.

"_You've thought it through,"_ Charlie checked.

"Yes. I'm not a moron, Dad."

"_And you've discussed it with him?"_

"I've discussed _everything_ with him. He worries more than you do, Dad. He worries enough for all three of us."

I conceded the truth of that. I worried enough for all my family members combined, plus a few people extra.

"_Well, I'm glad to hear that. Maybe I'm not being fair. Just promise me that you'll wait 'til you're married to-"_

"Charlie! We've waited over a year-and-a-half. I'm sure we can wait twenty-six more days! Besides, I'm sure he has something planned for the honeymoon that's absolutely over-the-top. He's not going to blow that for some... quick... gratification. He's not like that. And I'm not like that, either."

"_I ... I know, Bells. Okay. It's just that I remember what it's like to be an eighteen year old boy."_

"He's nineteen, Dad." We had decided that I should pretend to be a little older than Bella, rather than nine months younger. "His birthday was June 20th. Did you even wish him a happy birthday?"

"_Uh, yeah, but I didn't make a fuss. I ... should make it up to him. His parents gave you a big present for your birthday. It was wrong of me to treat him like that."_

"Thank you. He likes you, you know. He wants to please you."

"_I should go. What are you going to do this evening?"_

"We'll probably just watch some TV."

"_Okay. You ... have a nice time. Figures, the one night you're home, I have to work."_

Bella hummed a laugh. "Yeah, well, that's Alice's fault. She's driving us nuts."

"_Get some rest."_

"Yeah."

Charlie hung up without a 'good-bye', or an 'I love you'. Bella was quiet.

"I'm sorry for the way he treats you," she said at last.

"It's to be expected," I shrugged.

"Why are you so accepting of it, when he disses you?"

I ran my hand through my hair. "I feel sorry for him. I'm stealing you forever."

"Mocha-chino," she sighed.

"He's a good man."

"Stop feeling guilty."

"You're certain you won't regret...?"

Bella kissed me, looking exasperated. "I've spent my whole life taking care of my parents. They're such babies sometimes. I want to be treated like the Newborn for a change. You and your whole family can go running and fetching for me for a year, and keep me out of trouble."

I felt my lip tip up. I was amused despite my qualms. "So what you're telling me, is that you're being selfish?"

My mate hugged me, her eyes shining.

"You bet," she said smugly. She started to stroke my biceps, which woke up Mr Ed. "And then, I can have you forever."

"Mm-hmm," I agreed, rubbing myself against her hip bone. She pulled down my head and spoke against my mouth.

"And someday, I will experience the full strength of your body."

Ungh!

"Ye-ah," I gasped. In addition to a clean mind, I was now in need of dry underwear. My hungry hands slid down to my mate's glutes, and kneaded them. I shuddered, climaxing again, when she laved my collarbone with her hot, wet tongue, considering what she might be doing with that tongue in a month's time. Change of plans for this evening: perhaps we could work on expanding my boundaries a little, after all.

"Relax. Just relax," my mate instructed me, and her hands crept inside the waistband of my jeans, to explore my backside. I was enjoying the attention thoroughly, when suddenly, she withdrew her hands and dropped to her knees. _Ohmygod_. I froze, shocked to the core.

"No," I said firmly.

"I won't push you. I'm not undressing you," she reassured me. I leaned back against the counter, shaking all over. "Relax. I just want to ... kiss you."

I backed up hurriedly as though I had somewhere to whence I could retreat, mouth gaping. There was no way to retreat. Absolutely no way. Destroying Charlie's kitchen in an escape attempt would simply be unacceptable.

"I mean, through your clothes. You've done it to me." She looked up at me, pleading, and reached to rub my privates through the thick denim, using both hands. I ... let her touch me _there._ The sensation was indescribable. I shut my eyes, I basked in the warmth of her hands, my mind floating. Then, something brushed my fly, and my eyes flew open. My Bella had her faced pressed into the crease between my hip and my crotch. She turned her head, and nuzzled Mr Ed. Every nerve ending in my body was on fire. An inadvertent groan escaped me as she opened her mouth and bit down gently on my shaft. My hands balled into fists, and my thighs quivered as I restrained myself from thrusting. Bella was drooling onto me, and my dick was exulting.

"You smell so good," my mate moaned, making me whimper. Then, she wrapped her mouth around my tip, and bit me.

"Bella!" I groaned, and it was half desperate longing, and half warning. I felt my balls tighten, and then torrents of cum flooded my briefs, and her hot mouth sucked at the denim and left it wet and slippery around me. She released me triumphantly, and stood expectantly for a kiss. I gave her one, and shuddered, taking in an unsteady breath. I could faintly taste and smell myself on her, which was strangely alluring. I gasped and kissed her more insistently. She tangled her hands in my hair, wrapping herself around me, trying to get closer.

I felt my resolve sliding down a slippery slope. I. Wanted. Her. Venom flooded my mouth. One nip, just one, and she would always be mine.

With Herculean effort, I broke the kiss, panting. "We have to stop. We have to stop."

Bella stilled, accepting that I had reached my limit. My legs were still quivering.

"Okay, Baby," she breathed against my heaving chest. For several minutes, she did not move, while I gulped down venom and forced myself not to strike. And although I was elated with our progress, I was also soberly aware that I was nowhere near being able to consummate our bond.

I had seen her in stretchy lace camisoles, that only partially obscured the tender flesh beneath. I had explored every inch of her body through satiny pyjamas. I had even sucked her nipple through cotton and lace, leaving wet marks behind, but I had not been able to control myself well enough to look upon her unclothed. I had no idea how I was going to do that without endangering her life. And there was nobody who could help me learn how. Eleazar had described himself as a poor teacher, as he had not preserved the lives of his early partners, and no other male I knew was involved with humans.

Jasper couldn't help me either. He hadn't kept anyone human. They had either died, or become part of Maria's army.

"You okay?" Bella breathed.

"Yes. Thank you. That was..."

"Really hot. Can I move?"

In answer, I released my mate. Thank God, she was wonderfully obedient when I told her to hold still, and never tempted my control past managing. Soundlessly, she started returning the ingredients for Charlie's stir fry to the fridge.

"Bella, you should eat," I said.

"I had that candy. I'm really not hungry. I'll have something later if I need it." She took my hand and pulled me into the living room, then flicked on the TV before dragging me onto the loveseat.

There was really nothing decent on. She flicked channels for several minutes before settling for an old B-movie about aliens. Wonderful. '_Venus Attacks'_. I could relate to that, but not as an evil, lecherous alien. As a seventeen-year-old boy. And as a predator.

I was thinking about doing something very foolish. I was considering whether I could get my mate out of her shirt without going batshit crazy. I was wondering what bra she had on. One of the ones I had folded into our drawer this morning? I thought it was likely nicer than the bikini-type tops the alien women in the movie were wearing. My mind kept drifting back to the matinee in Port Angeles, and how the young lovers had shyly disrobed each other and touched...

Bella seemed to be sitting self-consciously and wasn't as demonstrative as usual. I guess the afternoon's 'entertainment' was still on her mind, too. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Bad idea. I shifted slightly away, feigning interest in the appalling TV show. It wasn't working. Bella's attention was on me, and I could taste her pulse in my throat. I felt a pull from my groin. I stared resolutely at the movie. Something told me Bella was not fooled one iota by my pretenses. Her heart throbbed loudly. It echoed in my loins.

Time trudged on and the aliens attacked and the temptation to touch Bella did not get any more tolerable. I made a fatal error. I took a surreptitious look at her, from under my lashes. The center of my universe was staring at me, her lips slightly parted.

At that moment, I stopped thinking. _Idiot, _I remonstrated with myself., but I was already carried away and it didn't look like Bella was going to be any help. _Stupid titillating movie. Stupid pushy interfering friends. _One moment her hands were on me and the next we were upstairs, she on the bed and I on the floor at her feet, and both our t-shirts were on the floor. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

With superhuman effort, I pulled back slightly. "We said we'd wait," I reminded her. Bella sought my eyes. Deadly determination blazed in hers.

"We said we'd wait to consummate our relationship. We never said we wouldn't pleasure each other."

In that instant, I knew that my Lamb had never been a lamb. I was surprised, but also impressed. There was no way she was going to let me back down, and morality aside, I liked that. Resistance was pointless. I no longer wished to win the war. The only problem was, I had stifled my urges for so long that I wasn't sure how to open the cage safely … how to slacken the monster's leash without letting him hurt Bella. Part of me was frightened, but I couldn't panic. If I were honest, I had to acknowledge…I wanted this. My eyes told her everything she wanted to know. Then, they fastened on her bra. It was white, of the simple cotton variety that girls were meant to wear while playing sports. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. I wanted it gone. I wanted it for a souvenir. I wanted, oh... I wanted access to what was underneath it.

Bella's blood had ceased to be a temptation to me, months ago, when I decided she would never be my prey. So I decided that I could restrain my strength and be as gentle as I needed to be. As long as I could keep the monster on a leash, it would be fine.

With infinite slowness, my mate moved in for the kill. She watched me carefully, not wanting to push me too far, too fast. She lightly kissed my neck. I was losing it. Bella bit my throat. It was maddening. She knew she was never supposed to bite me. Venom surged into my mouth and I swallowed it, shuddering. Then, I moaned and pulled her closer. We were necking and her hands were kneading my butt and I could not find any power within me to stop. The air thickened as we constructed our own insular bubble. There was nothing but the two of us. Scent, texture and sound. The rest of the world had ceased to exist.

But, the monster liked to look. And he liked to play rough. I closed my eyes and rested them against Bella's collarbone, panting, while she remained helpfully still. If I didn't want to break her, I would _have _to maintain restraint. She stroked my back patiently, waiting for me to solidify my control.

I could _do _this as long as I didn't look at her too closely. I would have to remain a little detached. _Don't over-think it, stupid_, the monster growled at me. _Relax._

Carefully, I reached behind her. How did the bra fasten? There was no closure. How was I supposed to get it off? Hell, I had waited a long time to touch her. Fuck waiting any longer! I pulled the fabric away from her skin and slit it with my thumbnail, making her gasp. The bra collapsed, and I slid it carefully down her arms. Her heat, her scent, scorched me. I was too overwhelmed even to tell her how perfect she was. I put my lips and tongue to better use, which seemed to greatly please my mate. She wrapped her arms around me and tenderly watched me lave her breasts, murmuring her encouragement. While I tasted one erect and perfect nipple, I brushed over the other with my thumb. Soon, both were rosy and swollen and I was completely in my mate's thrall, obsessed with the fevered pounding of the blood singing in her veins. I toyed with the idea of biting her there. My mark of ownership would become permanent.

But if I bit her now, I wouldn't be able to play with her for days. And keeping her safe from humans, and keeping them safe from her, would be a challenge. If I didn't bite her, I could likely keep enjoying her in this way, right up until the wedding. And then, I could take her away and claim her, and keep her all to myself for a year or more. Delayed gratification would certainly pay off. Multiple times.

"I told you, you could do it," she whispered, holding onto my cheek while I flicked my tongue over her velvety skin. "What do you think?" Her eyes were worried. I placed a gentle kiss on each lid.

"Mine," I managed to rasp out.

"Mine," she echoed, grazing my jaw with her thumb.

"More?" I growled.

"Yes," she gasped, arching upward.

I pulled back again and gave her a final opportunity to stop me, to revert to safe, chaste behaviour. No dice. She pulled me closer by the waistband of my jeans and smothered me in more delectable kisses. Her breasts brushed the fine hair on my chest, and then pressed against my pecs. _Oh, God! Oh, fuck! She feels better than I ever could have imagined. _For the first time, I was skin-to-skin with the love of my life. How heavenly. Could there be anything better in the universe?

It appeared that I was going to find out. I watched Bella bite her lip, her cheeks blooming, as she reached to unbutton my jeans. Four brass buttons opened tortuously slowly for fumbling fingers, causing Mr Ed to weep, then, her hand pushed inside. I gasped when she cupped me through my Calvins. _Oh, hell. I'm undone. Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. _I was instantly ready to do anything she might demand, even if she insisted on breaking that last Commandment.

She squeezed my iron-hard cock through the thin fabric, and I cupped her breasts with both hands, thinking how well they fit there. Energy zinged through me. How many times had I dreamed of this? I breathed her in. I swallowed the hot air radiating off her skin. Ecstasy. Bella whimpered and tugged at my jeans. I pushed them down and stepped out of them, and she stared at my tented cotton-knit boxers in awe. How flattering was that! I returned to my former position, kneeling between her knees, and she knotted both hands in my hair. I traced my face along her jaw, turning the skin pink with my light stubble. My mate whimpered with anticipation, squirming beneath me. I sat back a little, watching her.

Long ago, she had told me that when lovers joined, God considered them married.

We were not going to make it to the wedding.

I did not belong to God, but she did, and I could not but believe that she always would, regardless of the construction of her body. And if Bella belonged to God, and I belonged to her, then I might just get to keep her forever, in some shape or form.

I would take her virginity, not with wine, a giant white bed, and rose petals, but in the very place where we had spent so much happy time. And it would be with love, which was all that truly mattered. I put my hand inside my Calvins, and stroked my raging erection, not taking my eyes off my mate.

External noises seemed to mute down. There was nothing in the world but the two of us.

She knew my intent. Still kneeling, I pushed gently on her chest. Biting her lip, she leaned back on her elbow, parting her legs for me. I rested my chest lightly against hers, leaning forward on my own elbow, as the fingers of my free hand crept under her skirt. I abruptly realized that she was not wearing anything under it, and growled with satisfaction, withdrawing my hand and clamping it around my cock.

I came harder than I had ever done in my life, eyes fused with hers. Biting my bottom lip, I poured myself out into my hand, and let her hear me purr. She whimpered with anticipation, and my insatiable cock immediately lengthened and grew, prepared to be sheathed inside her. I considered my mate. Lubrication was necessary, and my saliva was doubtless teeming with venom. I didn't really want to ask her to spit, and I certainly had not brought anything useable with me. Or had I?

Why not? There was no venom in ejaculate. Everyone knew that.

I placed my arm behind my mate's back, drawing her backside partially off the end of the bed, and caressed her womanhood. She was dripping for me. Her small sounds were unlike anything that I had ever heard. They spurred me on. I purred, resting my forehead against hers. As I explored her sex, my Bella bucked for me, and wetness dribbled out of her, onto my legs. Carefully, quivering with excitement, I searched for her opening and slipped my middle finger inside.

She cried out, and wrapped her arm around my neck. "Take me."

"Yes, Baby, you belong to me."

"Edward!"

"Ahh," I sighed, thinking that the objective I had feared might just be achievable after all. And if I did hurt her, I could change her right away. The thought intoxicated me. There would be no more annoying relatives. No hoops to jump through. I would simply disappear with my mate, to somewhere where we could make love for twenty-two hours a day, undisturbed, for approximately the next ten years.

She was so tight and wet. I curled my finger, making her cry out again. I withdrew it, and prepared to add a second finger. My beloved could not accommodate my girth without care.

"Oh, Bella!"

I was about to remind her that I loved her, when I became aware of something unpleasant outside our bubble. It popped with a shocking _click, _admitting ambient noise.

_Dirty fucker!_

Bella's eyes got huge and dilated until there was almost no pupil showing. There was something cold and cylindrical pressing on the side of my head. There was someone standing right behind me. Someone whose jumbled thoughts were hard to decipher. Someone who was juddering with incoherent rage. Had I been human, I would have broken out in a sick sweat. The cold object made an ominous _snick_.

_Fuck me sideways._

My mate screamed in terror.

_GUN!_

"Charlie? NO!" my Bella shrieked, clutching me.

_Aw, she's defending me again. How hawt is that! Isn't she adorable? Uh ... what happens when one of us gets shot?_

_Holy crap! _"Charlie, no, please! Don't shoot me!"


	4. Chapter 4:Charlie,No! Plz Don't Shoot Me

**Chapter 4: Charlie, No, Please! Don't Shoot Me!**

_**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **_

**Sunday, July 17th, 2005, approximately 7 pm:**

_**775 K Street, Forks, Washington State:**_

_**Edward's pov:**_

Bella shrieked in a blood-curdling fashion, making the hair on the nape of my neck stand up on end. She slithered backward, putting the bed between herself and her father, and tried unsuccessfully to cover her breasts. She turned whiter than me, then boiled a delectable red. I groveled on my knees at the foot of her bed. Charlie was gruesomely assassinating me in his mind. At vampire speed, I made sure Mr Ed was thoroughly tucked inside my underwear. Thank God I hadn't fully undressed, or pulled off Bella's skirt!

I put my hands over my head, surrendering in face of Charlie's rage, and cursed my stupidity. How could I have missed his arrival? Now I was going to be shot in the head, and I had no idea what would happen after that. It wouldn't kill me, but could it do brain damage? Bullets got hot, right? If it cauterized the entry wound, would I still be sentient? Would I be a _mindless_ monster? My family would have to take me out.

Worse, if the bullet ricocheted instead of penetrating my skin, would my almost-father-in-law or my priceless Bella be injured? At the very least, it would take a long time for me to heal from such an injury, and I would miss my own wedding. Then, my women-folk would murder me. My brothers would probably help them. And -horrors- I would miss my wedding night. Like I hadn't been a virgin long enough?

There were too many out-of-control variables in this situation. The potential consequences of a gunshot were beyond scary. We had to find a way to calm Charlie down.

I rapidly addressed the floor. "Charlie, please, _please _calm down. Listen! We didn't do anything. I wouldn't hurt Bella, I promise. I swear. Please Charlie, _think_! We love each other, and the wedding is in three weeks. _Please_ don't do it. Don't do it to _her_. Please talk to me."

It might have gone over better, if Bella's wetness was not trickling down my fingers and wrist. Caught red-handed by a human. Who would-a thunk it? What was the world coming to!

Charlie's trigger finger began to get twitchy. Crap!

_...Lied. Corrupted my baby. She... they'd stay downstairs. No good rotten little shit... on purpose to upset me._

Bella was sobbing from her position at the head of the bed. Sometimes she forgot it wasn't easy to injure me. She reached up to Charlie in supplication and echoed my words. "We love each other, Dad. Don't hurt my mate."

We might as well have been talking to a brick wall. Charlie was resolved that one or both of us were going to be in a burning dumpster, in some secluded spot, before nightfall. _That _had to be avoided or he really might kill me.

Should I knock the gun out of his trigger-happy fingers, and subdue him? What if the gun went off? No, it would be better to humour him, surely.

I was therefore begging, too mortified to look up, when I felt the handcuffs snap around my wrist_. Oh, swell! Come on, really? _Wasn't I already fettered enough by my obligation to maintain the human charade? One wrong move and it would be Carlisle looking to put me in the ground. Or Rosalie. Or the Volturi. _Crap_. There was no immediate alternative but to submit to Charlie's demands. I let him bind my hands behind my back. Belatedly, I realized my clothes and shoes were still on the floor. I felt exposed. Vulnerable.

I suddenly realized that Charlie was attempting to drag me upwards by the hair. It was awfully hard to play along with humans if they weren't particularly strong.

"On your feet, you rotten lecherous disrespectful bastard," my almost-father growled. He still had the gun on me. I rose to my feet, attempting to look unsteady (which wasn't much of a stretch) and allowed him to steer me down the stairs. Behind us, Bella's bawling grew worse.

"Daddy!" she called after him, "No, Daddy, don't hurt him! Edward!"

I could hear Bella pulling on her t-shirt and Chucks. She bounded down the stairs and out the front door uncharacteristically gracefully, as Charlie manoeuvred me over to the cruiser. But by the time Bella reached the door, she was no longer begging. Her teenage proclivities had kicked in. And she was _livid_. Scary boo.

My little wildcat grabbed Charlie's arm before I could say anything. She was shouting at her father, now.

"Charlie! Let my mate go! You're over-reacting for gosh sakes!"

"Bella?" I murmured politely. Charlie yanked back on my head. Was that the best he could do? Ridiculous.

Bella stuck her finger out and waggled it at her Dad. "Let him go or I'll have you charged with assault. If you so much as harm one hair on his head, I'm calling Renée. And I'm moving out! Your behaviour is _completely_ unacceptable."

Pulling the Move Out Card might not have been Bella's best decision. It put Charlie's back up even further. _ Just like her mother,_ he frowned.

"Bella?" I tried again.

My mate got between Charlie and the door of the cruiser. "You can't do this, Charlie. It is _not okay _to bully engaged people out of having sex. I'm gonna tell my Mom. I'm gonna tell Carlisle and Esme. They wouldn't treat us like criminals! I'm gonna-"

"Get out of the way, Isabella," Charlie said coldly.

"Or what! Are you gonna shoot me?" my mate scoffed.

"No, I'm going to shoot him. Do as you're told, or I'll turn him into a eunuch.

Eee, I didn't like the sound of that. That would hurt.

"How many times has he saved my life, you ingrate!" she barked, stamping her foot.

"Bella? Kindly go get some help," I suggested as mildly as though I was sending her to get a cup of coffee. Charlie attempted to stuff me into the back of the car. I temporarily resisted arrest.

"I can handle this," she growled, seething.

_Damn daughter-fucker won't budge. Maybe he'll do it if he's short his left nut._

_Jeez Louise!_ I let Charlie haul me down until I was practically doubled-over. _Oh, hell, Bella's going to get me shot_. "No, you can't handle this. Why don't you go call Alice for me, Love?"

"No. I am _talking_ to my _father_ right now, Edward," she huffed, crossing her arms. Angry tears dangled from her lashes. Oh, boy.

How did I get in crap, exactly? I decided it would behove me to shut up if I wanted to retain my indispensable masculine parts in good working order.

"What exactly do you intend to do with my fiancé?" Bella demanded, still getting in Charlie's face.

"Please stop provoking the Chief, and run for help," I begged in my sweetest voice, turning on the dazzle.

She ignored me, naturally. Charlie shoved her backward, and she fell over. I don't know who was more gobsmacked, Bella or me. How dare he! This moment of mental paralysis gave Charlie the opportunity to stuff me, unresisting, into the back seat of the cruiser. Bella scrambled up off the ground. She wormed her way in after me despite my protests, and shut the door behind herself. Super. Now we couldn't get out without busting something. The doors only opened from the outside.

Letting Charlie Swan know I was a mythical creature would lead me to the necessity of assassinating him. I didn't think my mate would be impressed with that. The charade had to be maintained at all costs. That didn't mean I didn't want to rattle his teeth for him. And I might just spank his daughter while I was at it.

"Why the heck didn't you go and get help?" I hissed, watching Charlie pace outside the cruiser. I liked to pace when I was upset, too. I understood it. However, it did not appear to be helping him make any wise decisions.

"Well, Alice knows we're in trouble, right? She'll send a rescue squad, right?" Bella whispered.

I rolled my eyes. "Something tells me that Titch is ticked off. Had she wanted to help us, she would have phoned and warned us Charlie was coming home."

"Oh," Bella said hollowly. She watched her stern-visaged father get in the car and start it up. Without warning, she started screaming and pounding on the thick plexiglass barrier between the front and back seats, making me jump. Women were so unpredictable. "Let us out, you big bully!"

I cringed. My great defender was terrifying. Charlie, however, was unfazed. Although his patchy thoughts were hard to follow, I could detect no wavering in his determination to kill me. Bella's rebelliousness was only making it worse.

My body locked down with stress. I did not know what to do. No way to run or hide, fighting would not be an option, and discussion wasn't working. _Please God, show me a shred of mercy. Haven't I tried not to be a monster? Please throw a bone to the dog under the table. _

I feared I was about to find out once and for all whether vampires had souls.

I was quite possibly about to meet God wearing thoroughly jizzed white underwear.

If Charlie actually did manage to destroy me, I hoped the remains _would_ be burned so my vampire family could not witness my disgrace. A faint echo from long ago tugged at my memory: my mother. I was twelve. She told me to always wear clean underwear when I went out, in case I were ever in an accident. Ironic. What ever would my sainted mother say? She would be thoroughly scandalized. Good thing she was not around to see me now. I knew how my father would have reacted. If God sent me to Hell, perhaps my father would pay a trip down there, to punish me with his belt. How terrifying was that?

Already, Charlie was backing out of the driveway and punching on the siren and lights. He quickly accelerated to a dangerous velocity. We bounced over the rough terrain. I had never experienced a human driving so fast, and I hated it. There were no seatbelts and I couldn't hold onto Bella. She was mashed up against my side, whispering frantic questions in my ear, and I had no answers for her. Charlie had not made up his mind where we were going. I stared at him balefully, and wished I could take Bella's hand, but I could _hardly_ break the handcuffs. Charlie would know for certain that I wasn't normal if I did that.

Charlie drove further and further from the house, and Bella and I fell silent. After a while, he turned off the siren and started driving in aimless circles. It was twilight. A shred of optimism sparked in me. Charlie was calming down. Oh, he still wanted to murder me, alright, but he was being more methodical about it. Perhaps we could talk after all. I looked down at my love and gave her a faint smile of reassurance. She shuddered and put her head on my shoulder. I placed a surreptitious kiss on her forehead, and she released her breath in a shaky sigh.

My mate's toasty cheek felt wonderful against my bare chest. Perhaps if we survived the evening, she would let me make her orgasm again.

I stared at Charlie's face in the rear view mirror, wishing I could think of something to say that wouldn't reignite his temper. Nothing came to mind. Well, Jasper often told us that saying nothing was sometimes the best option.

I was highly distracted, trying to decide what to do, and I still wasn't picking up much from my almost-father-in-law except the icy determination to rend me into tiny blood-soaked little pieces. With a start, I realized where we were. Charlie was pulling into my family's private road.

_Oh, no. He's going to speak to my parents. Oh, God, not that. Anything but that. Oh, I hope Rosalie and my brothers aren't home._ _I am never going to live this down. Ever._

I felt positively sick. Bella had no bra and no underwear, I had nothing but a pair of slimy white Calvins, and I had perverts for brothers. And Carlisle would be angry with me, I just knew it.

Within moments, the cruiser spun to a stop in front of my house, and Charlie got out and slammed his door so hard that the entire vehicle shook.

"Sorry in advance for my brothers," I murmured to my mate.

The car became dark and quiet. There was a pause, and then the car door closest to me opened. My sensitive eyes screwed shut in response to the sudden overhead light, and Charlie was again dragging me by the hair, out of the cruiser and up to the porch steps. I pretended to stumble, hoping Carlisle would appreciate my attempt to keep up the charade. Charlie straight-marched me to the front door, gun drawn, and rang the bell. Bella trailed timidly behind us, gnawing her lip and hugging herself as though she was chilled.

The next moment, my father was on the threshold, clad in his ancient blue button-down sweater, looking completely discombobulated. He took in my dishevelled but defiant appearance, our near-nakedness, Bella's mortified blush, and Charlie's glare, and then the bugger beamed at me. _Well done, Boy!_

My jaw dropped.

Carlisle stopped grinning and looked at me in confusion. _How in Heaven's name did he catch you unawares, Cocksparrow? You must have been pretty focused on something else!_ _ You twitterpate! Didn't you lock the bedroom door? That was not your most brilliant moment._

He smirked, and I shrugged, thoroughly miffed. Carlisle shook with silent laughter. _Your mate looks cute. I wouldn't want to be her Dad when she gets hold of him. Looks like she got hold __of you pretty firmly, though. I bet you're really desperate for some clean pants, aren't you? Poor Cocksparrow. You finally get to play Barley Break, and you get caught? You and our Bella have the worst luck on the planet._

I glared at that, which amused him even more. Wasn't he supposed to help me out?

"Well, Charlie, I think I can hazard a guess at the reason for this delightful visit. Won't you please come in, and we can discuss your concerns? No need for the gun. Edward knows better than to try to escape." Carlisle motioned us forward, still chuckling. _This is going to be fun. Thanks for livening up the week-end, Boy._

Charlie scowled blackly and stepped into the foyer.


	5. Chapter 5: Mortification Personified

**Chapter 5: Mortification Personified**

**The movie Ed and Bella went to see is a figment of my imagination. At least for now.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Sunday, July 17th, 2005, circa 9:30 pm:**

_**420 Woodcroft Ave, Forks, Washington:**_

_**Carlisle's pov:**_

"Oh, Carlisle!" Esme moaned, arching as she came undone. I growled possessively, nuzzling her throat. As our breathing slowed, she turned her back to my front so we could spoon. I played with the leather fringe on her bustier, and purred. Mmmmm...

"Carlisle?" my daughter's chipper voice called tentatively through the door in the outer room. We were in the hidden lair behind my office wall, and my kids knew they weren't supposed to disturb us when we used the code words. Esme and I blew out exasperated breaths.

"What do you want now, Alice?" I snapped, pouting.

"Edward and Bella are in trou-ble," she said, sounding oddly cheerful. "They're going to be here in a few minutes, and you might want to look... like parents."

I threw an arm over my eyes, wincing. "Perdition take me."

"Better get dressed," my mate sighed. Hurriedly, we got up off the black leather mattress, took off our special outfits, washed at the sink in the corner, and donned our casual clothes. Then, we stowed our toys and pushed the bed against the cupboards. I combed through my hair while Esme put on her pumps. Then, quietly, we exited, locked up our den, and slid the bookcase back in front of it.

I opened the office door to Alice, who was rocking back and forth on her heels in the hallway, and grinning from ear to ear.

"What do you mean, 'Edward and Bella are in trouble'?" I growled.

Alice bit back her smile, looking thoroughly bratty. "I told them not to go to that movie."

"Alice, stop being cryptic and spill," Mother Cullen demanded, looking very pretty in her pale blue sweater dress.

"Well," the brat began, eyes twinkling. "You know that new movie, '_Innocents'_?"

"Yes, we saw it last week," Esme said, perplexed.

"You don't mean to say they went to see that," I frowned.

"Yep," Alice said, looking like the cat who ate the canary.

"Heavens. That's very out of character," I mused.

"Yep. And somebody got a little excited," she giggled.

"Oh, dear," I frowned.

"Did he hurt her?" Esme asked, her temper rising.

Alice looked at my wife disdainfully. "Of course not. The opposite, actually."

"She hurt him?" we chorused in shock.

"No, no! I mean he, um, made her really, _really _happy, if you know what I mean." Cryptic pixie. Why could she not give a straight answer? "Anyhow, Charlie came home prematurely, and spoiled their fun. Shame. A few more minutes, and nobody would have been able to tease them anymore. They'll be here any second. Forks' Finest is dragging them home at gunpoint."

"What!" Esme and I yelped, panicking.

"Yeah, he almost shot Edward when he found them making out. You should praise Edward for keeping the secret. Charlie's dominating him, and Edward has submitted gracefully. The guy's a prince. Anybody else would have eaten Charlie by now. Even you." She looked out into space, shaking her head in admiration. "Charlie's just lucky that Bella's not a vampire yet. She wants to knock him into next week."

"Bella?" I demanded, reeling. The little dove wanted to fight her father? What on earth had happened?

"Shut your mouth or the flies will get in," Alice sang.

"I don't believe it," I growled. Edward was far too proper to- And how on earth could he get caught like that? He could read minds, for heaven's sake!

"They're he-ere!" Alice sang. I made it to the upstairs window in time to see Charlie pull a mostly-naked Edward out of the police car in handcuffs. By the hair. I resisted the urge to rub my eyes and look again.

Edward faked a stumble. "Oh. My. God," I growled, crossing my arms. How dare Charlie Swan manhandle my boy like that! And poor Bella, slinking along behind like a terrified guttersnipe.

"Geez, I never heard you say that before," Alice beamed, taking entirely too much enjoyment from the situation.

"Don't laugh at him, Alice. He's such a private person. He and Bella must be thoroughly humiliated," I said crossly.

"He and Bella have been really snotty lately," she pouted.

"He and Bella are overwhelmed. It's been a horrid year for them, and now, when they should be relaxing, they are constantly busy. I want you to back off on the wedding plans, Alice. The last thing we need is for one of them to have a nervous breakdown."

"Well, okay," she pouted. "But I reserve the right to tease them tonight. Nothing like this is ever going to happen again."

With that, Alice skipped off to her lair, presumably to fill Jasper in on the coming drama.

"Better get down there," I said to Esme, pressing my lips together. Just then, the doorbell rang. I rushed down at vampire speed and opened it.

When I took in the scene before me, I could hardly believe my eyes. My son stood before me, his hands cuffed behind his back, reeking of sex, with his hair tangled as though it had been gripped and pulled for several hours. I hoped Bella was responsible for most of his dishevelment. Certainly, she was responsible for the condition of his pants. I was glad for him that they were designed with a pocket fly, because that meant that there was a double layer of fabric on the front. Had they been less substantial, they would probably be see-through at present.

Edward's eyes blazed, his entire posture presenting offended pride. I turned my attention to the young girl lurking behind the two males. She was, predictably, red as a cardinal's robe. She was also wearing very little, and looked like she had been dragged through a bush backwards. Poor little girl.

Charlie Swan was glaring. The man was more wound up than my son. Obviously, he needed to get laid. It struck me as funny, knowing Edward's history, that his mate's father needed to get his rocks off more than my son. Obviously, Edward was an exceedingly patient and emotionally intelligent person, who managed his temper consistently. Unlike Bella's father.

I looked back at Edward, displaying my delight. If Charlie thought I was going to put my boy on the rack for tupping with his mate, he was sadly mistaken. _Well done, Boy! _ I thought happily. Bella wasn't showing any signs of being hurt, although she was certainly upset. Edward had done awfully well at pleasing her, if the dried substance coating his hands was any indication.

My son's jaw dropped, then he swallowed loudly, his eyes black. What, he didn't seriously expect me to be angry, did he? The smile fell from my face. I was sad for him, suffering embarrassment instead of a post-snog glow, and the whole situation seemed farcical on a practical level. That said, he had obviously had a very good time before they got caught, and I was glad for that.

I aimed a message at my son's head. _How in Heaven's name did he catch you unawares, Cocksparrow? You must have been pretty focused on something else!_ _ You twitterpate! Didn't you lock the bedroom door? That was not your most brilliant moment._

Edward shrugged, thoroughly offended, which made me laugh. I looked at Bella, hugging herself and chewing on her lip. Now that she knew she might get support from the family, she was casting murderous looks at her father, who was still brooding indignantly on the doormat.

_Your mate looks cute. I wouldn't want to be her Dad when she gets hold of him. Looks like she got hold of you pretty firmly, though. I bet you're really desperate for some clean pants, aren't you? Poor Cocksparrow. You finally get to play Barley Break, and you get caught? You and our Bella have the worst luck on the planet._

Edward glared at me, which caused me no end of amusement. I had better get busy solving the problem, though. Charlie's moustache was quivering with his indignation. How exasperating. Shame we had to have human involvement in the matter. It was really an inevitable occurrence, and the important thing was not that they had been caught fornicating, it was that Edward hadn't damaged his Bella while fornicating. Still, we had to keep our secrets safe from Charlie.

"Well, Charlie, I think I can hazard a guess at the reason for this delightful visit. Won't you please come in, and we can discuss your concerns? No need for the gun. Edward knows better than to try to escape."

I gestured for the trio to enter, unable to stop chuckling. The whole situation was ludicrous: the strapping young vampire, submitting to the surly, unreasonable human father of his charming domme of a human mate. Nobody would believe it. I could understand why Alice wanted to tease them. I eyed my scowling son. _This is going to be fun. Thanks for livening up the week-end, Boy._

Charlie scowled blackly and stomped through the front door, shoving my youngest, nearly naked son and bra-less, future daughter ahead of him. I smiled fondly at them all.

"Sit there and don't move," Charlie ordered, indicating the bench beside the door. The kids slinked obediently over and sat themselves there, looking remarkably like a couple of toddlers who had been sent to the naughty chair. Both of them looked like they wished the ground would swallow them up. Charlie holstered his gun, and Edward visibly relaxed.

As soon as Charlie's back was turned, Edward took the opportunity to slip his bound hands under his backside and pull his legs through. I guess he figured the odds of Charlie committing murder were dropping as the number of witnesses increased.

Sometimes he acted so much like the 17-year-old he resembled. When his knowledge and opinion on certain subjects were based only upon reading and second hand accounts, and not on first hand experience, he became unsure of himself. Bella was exposing him to a lot of first-hand knowledge, which turned him from the independent, sometimes arrogant vampire back into that flustered, insecure human boy I knew so well. Hearing this in my thoughts, Edward's eyes flashed up at me indignantly.

Modest Edward put his hands in his lap, trying to hide his manhood, with an unconvincing attempt to look nonchalant. I knew he was exceedingly humiliated, and was using the haughty Victorian veneer to cover his injured sensibilities. Bella's fingers crept tenderly around his arm.

I made a quick assessment of their condition. Edward's eyes were like dark holes, and very bruised. _You must have been genuinely scared. Not so much for yourself, for others. Alice said he threatened to shoot you._

He nodded, touching his forefinger to his temple.

_He pressed his service revolver to your temple?_

My boy nodded unhappily.

Any remaining trace of my amusement evaporated. I was furious, and it took me a moment to answer my dear son. Charlie's behaviour toward the children was exceedingly abusive. _That could have done you fatal damage. Temples are a weak spot on any being. Doesn't take as much force to injure us there, and bullets burn as they travel._

Edward looked more stricken than ever. He leaned to rest his forehead against his mate's temple, looking for comfort. While we had wished for years that he would find someone to comfort him, watching him seek it, in need, was extraordinarily upsetting. Bella turned her face so that their foreheads touched, and she rubbed her cheeks against his. Beautiful dove.

With a start, I realized Bella's eyes matched those of her mate: black on black. Upon closer examination, I realized her pupils were huge with distress. Shock. Her eyes were also puffy and red-rimmed. _Poor Dovey. She's been crying_. _You both look like you've been shat on. Shall I be nice or flay the skin off him for you?_

My son looked pained. He bent his head and rested his lips on his mate's shoulder, so that his face was hidden, looking as though he might cry. I suppressed the urge to rip Charlie Swan in twain. Physician, do no harm!

Esme was peeking hesitantly around the corner of the dining room wall. She had caught Edward's moment of distress. Mother Cullen would have all her claws at the ready. "Hello, Charlie," she said with convincing, but artificial, warmth. "Can I get you a refreshment?"

"I think Charlie could really use a beer, Esme. Please bring one for me, as well."

"Just hold on, Esme, I think you should hear what I have to say first." Charlie adopted a wide stance, looking for all the world like a gunslinger prepared to draw.

Alice chose that moment to materialize, camera in hand, looking like the Cheshire Cat. "Say 'cheese' kiddies! This one's for the wedding album. I can't _wait _to show Rose."

Jasper chortled from somewhere out of sight.

I caught Edward mid-launch and deposited him back on the bench, with a subliminal growl of warning. The bench clunked against the tempered glass wall and his bare feet smacked hard against the floor. "Settle down." _ We'll deal with Alice later. _No damage occurred to the house, thank Heaven, or Esme would be on the rampage next.

"What on earth is going on, Charlie, to upset you so?" My wife looked disingenuously from face to face in an attempt to appear that she didn't get the picture. The act was totally unconvincing. Charlie stared at her incredulously.

Alice's voice came beaming from the foot of the stairs, where she had retreated to sit and snicker with Jasper over Bella's bra-less state and Edward's lack of attire. "Come on. Isn't it obvious? Daddy caught them _in flagrante delecto._"

"_Delicto_," I corrected automatically.

"No, I think it was in 'blazing delight', not 'blazing offence'," she claimed, winking at my son, who looked like he wanted to take a piece out of somebody. Alice and Jasper both watched Edward expectantly, waiting for the customary antagonized response. My son did not disappoint.

"He did _not_!" Edward bellowed, puffed up like a porcupine. He checked himself and lowered his voice. "We didn't do anything. Much. It was _nothing_," he paused, "and then _he _was going to _shoot _me!" He waved a flustered hand at Charlie, then his incredulous eyes sought my help desperately.

"So undressing my baby girl and feeling her up is nothing, is it? Come on, I caught you red-handed," Charlie snarled. Edward blanched even further. He was so pale he looked translucent.

"_In flagrante delecto_," Alice repeated smugly. She and Jasper sat snorting like a couple of five-year-old children. I glared at them. We would be having words later.

Esme shot a very pleased look at Edward. Unfortunately Charlie did not miss it. He caught my look, too. _Sigh._ This was going to be difficult.

"She's not wearing any panties," Jasper chortled, loud in the uncomfortable silence. I couldn't help looking. No, she wasn't. Bella tried to crawl behind her livid mate's back, burying her burning face out of view. Alice and Jasper couldn't contain their merriment.

"Jasper Whitlock Hale, in the name of Roosevelt, shut up!" Esme exclaimed.

"Alice! Jasper! Go to your lair! Uh, I mean, room." I berated myself internally for the slip.

Instead of obeying, they invited themselves up to have a better look. Jasper stood with his arms folded, looking like he couldn't have ordered superior entertainment anywhere, for any amount of money. Alice lorded it over her brother and her best friend. "See, Edward? I told you the movie was a bad idea. You should have listened."

"Alice, gloating is unattractive," Edward enunciated slowly, as though talking to a simpleton.

"So is ignoring the advice of your older, more _experienced_ sister." Alice turned to Bella. "You are such a naughty girl," she smirked.

Bella flushed crimson and dove behind Edward again with a whimper. We could have felt the heat of her blush at forty paces.

Alice whipped out her camera and took several pictures in rapid succession. Edward pounced, infuriated.

I knocked him down a second time, wiping silver venom from his mouth before Charlie could notice it. Reflexively, he moved to bite me, and I cuffed him at vampire speed on the cheek.

"Alice!" Esme yelped, waving her arms desperately.

"For the slide show at the wedding," Alice protested.

Edward's teeth clenched with an audible snap. His bound hands flew up to his mouth and he winced. Apparently, he had managed to bite his tongue. He was _not _having a good evening. He turned silver all over. I patted his head, and walked over to confront his siblings. They needed to remember I was the Dom.

I held out my hand for the camera, and Alice placed it carefully in my palm, pouting. "Alice! Jasper! _Go_!" I snarled, pointing at the staircase.

Alice smiled angelically and sauntered upstairs, ignoring Edward's sub-volume growl and poisonous look. Crystal peals of laughter echoed down. As we heard another camera clicking in Alice's wake, Edward's threatening growls became increasingly audible.

Charlie turned to look at Edward in shock.

Edward's snarling ceased abruptly. He cleared his throat. "Excuse me. I get indigestion when I'm upset."

A super-impressed Jasper moseyed after his mate, stopping to clap Edward on the arm on his way out. "Way to go, Bimbo," he drawled. "You are my hero. See ya later, Baby Sister."

Edward glared after him, seething. It was apt to be a very restless night at the Cullen House. My boy was going to vent his anger all over their posteriors.

I refocused my attention on Charlie, who was apparently waiting for Esme and me to castigate the pair of classic overachievers sitting before us. Sadly, the man was going to be disappointed.

At that moment, Bella's stomach snarled loudly enough for all present to hear. She blushed again.

"Edward, hasn't Bella had supper?" I asked in disbelief.

"No Dad, we've been otherwise, uh, occupied." Edward shot a surly look at Charlie, who ignored him. "Bella's been _so _upset, and when she tried to protect me, her father knocked her down. I'd like you to check her for bruises, later." He gave his future father-in-law another nasty look.

I was gobsmacked. Charlie had always seemed a very pleasant person, but this evening, he had acted like a complete ass. I wanted my kids well away from him. They were incredibly distressed. "Well, you'd best both go to the kitchen. Bella looks about ready to drop. You should eat, too."

Bella cringed. I wondered what she was thinking. Surely, she didn't think I would have Edward feed from _her_.

_Raid the emergency stash, Edward. _

Edward nodded once. He murmured for his mate to 'come along', and they slunk past Charlie as fast as Bella could go.

Almost inaudibly, their voices came back to us in whispers. Esme followed them out to the kitchen, to make Bella a meal.

Charlie was waiting impatiently. I turned my attention to him. "Come in, Charlie. We'll have that beer while we wait for Esme, and talk where we can be comfortable."

Charlie allowed himself to be led into the small sitting room appended to the far end of the living room. He sank warily into one of the white leather chairs. I settled on the matching chesterfield.

Esme brought out two bottles of cold Ranier, and gave one to Charlie and one to me. I set mine down after pretending to sip it. Yuck.

"I can't believe he was going to shoot you," Bella said, and I heard her kiss Edward before the sound of stools moving across the floor announced that they were sitting down.

"Carlisle _Said_ a bullet fired at close range through the temple would have destroyed my brain," Edward said mournfully.

"Was Charlie really going to kill you?" Bella asked incredulously.

"I think so. I never expected him to go crazy like that. I can't believe he knocked you down."

"Me neither."

They both sounded so sad.

"Both of you sit down, and I'll get you something to eat. You too, Edward. Your eyes are black as pitch." Esme sounded gruff. Good thing for Charlie that she was not a violent person.

"I just fed on Friday."

"It's the stress. Do as you're told," Esme snapped.

"It's not every day that a man I respect reveals a desire to destroy me," my son sighed.

"I know, right? I mean, we're getting married. It's not logical," Bella huffed.

"I guess it was the last straw for him. He'll never accept me now."

Aw, Cocksparrow wanted the man's approval. How sad. I would have to contrive a way to help him get it.

"How are you supposed to hunt with Charlie playing warden?" Bella wondered.

"We have an emergency stash of your blood-type, in a fridge in the garage. We've kept some ever since Victoria started nosing around," Esme murmured.

"Oh. You should have some, Edward."

"I don't like to drink human blood. It's addictive. Besides, I don't want to drink it in front of you."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Who's the girl who passed out in blood-typing, hey?"

"That's a long time ago. It doesn't bother me anymore."

"Not thirsty."

I sighed. _Edward, you need to be able to focus_. _Emotions are running too high and you don't want to hurt Charlie by accident._

In the end it was Bella who convinced him. "Are you afraid to lose control with me so close by?"

"No, it shouldn't be a problem. I don't have to unleash my senses like I would when I'm hunting.

"Stop being a moron and feed yourself."

Edward sighed. An instant later, I heard him sneak a blood bag from the fridge in the garage. There was a tearing noise as he upended the blood into a cup. Then, he cursed under his breath.

"What is it, Dear?" Esme fretted.

"I can't do it with these cuffs on," my son said. Grr.

"Let me do it. Here, Bella. Ham and cheese panini," Esme said, and I heard a plate clink against the butcher's block table.

"Thank you, Esme. It smells wonderful."

"You're welcome, Dear."

A few minutes later, she handed Edward his warm cup. "Thank you, Mom."

"Okay, Sweetheart."

Once the kids were settled comfortably with their food, I heard Bella ask the crucial question: "How did you miss Charlie's arrival?"

"Um, Charlie is... hard to _Hear_. Not impossible like you, but pretty hard. You come by it honestly."

"Why didn't you tell me?" There was no answer. Presumably Edward shrugged. Bella continued. "You have trouble _Hearing_ my mother, too."

"Yes, I have trouble with Renée, too, but it's not the same as you and Charlie. She's so scatterbrained that it's almost impossible to make sense of her thoughts. I can _Hear_ them, I just can't assemble them. With Charlie, I can usually catch the tenor of them, but the details usually escape me."

"Huh. Must have stressed you out tonight."

"Yes."

I wondered what made the Swans different from everyone else, that they couldn't be read by Edward. Wouldn't I love to be able to test them!

Moments later, Esme joined me on the chesterfield. I put my arm around her, and we waited expectantly for Charlie to begin.


	6. Chapter 6: Setting the Record Straight

**Chapter 6: Setting the Record Straight**

***puts on flack helmet* Okee day, who's mad? Who wants to run Lissy and Jazz through the chipper shredder? Who wants to lock Charlie up in his own jail? Good. What do you bet I tick you off more, before I bring back the humour? Onward. And thank you all for the inspiring reviews.**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Saturday, July 17****th****, 2005:**

**The Cullen House:**

_**Carlisle's pov:**_

It didn't take long for Charlie to launch into his castigation of Edward. Esme and I listened quietly. It was exactly what we would expect the father of a young lady to say. It didn't honestly ruffle _our_ feathers at all, but I could hear Edward, the 103 year old kid, muttering quietly and nervously to Bella in the kitchen, giving her the gist of her father's words.

"... don't like it. Felt like the boy defied me on purpose, right after my daughter promised me that they wouldn't have sex under my roof. It's not even so much that they're being intimate. It's the fact that a man's home is his castle, you know? If they want to sleep together, they should sneak off somewhere to ..."

Esme popped out, murmuring that she was going to retrieve beer from the fridge. I knew that in reality she was taking a breather from Charlie. He was really getting under her thoroughly maternal skin. I heard her open the kitchen window, and then scrabble up the tree outside so she could access the bedrooms without Charlie's knowledge. The closet door rattled open in Edward's room, and after a few seconds, Esme hopped back down the tree to rejoin Edward and Bella.

She whispered loud enough for both my kids to hear, "I've got fresh jeans and underwear for you, Hon', and here are your shoes."

"Thank you, Esme," Edward murmured in relief. "These handcuffs are really annoying. I can't believe he didn't offer to take them off."

"Yes, you're really in the dog house. Neither of us can believe he's making such a fuss. There must be underlying reasons."

"He's afraid Edward will knock me up and ditch me," Bella growled. Esme snorted. I bit my cheek to hold back my own laughter. The sting of venom kept me sober.

Presumably, Charlie had forgotten our conversation, long ago, when I had mentioned that Edward was sterile. I would have to work it into this discussion somehow. Regardless of capability, the very idea of Edward getting a girl pregnant and walking away was laughable, never mind the idea that he would ever walk away from his mate again. I had seen the way he looked at children, and I thought he'd be handing out cigars if Bella ever told him she was pregnant. However, I could hardly tell her unpredictable human father, 'Everything you're worried about is stupid. Vampires mate for life, they _normally_ are too impulsive to wait for marriage to make love, and you can forget about ever becoming a grandfather'. Marcus would be quite unimpressed.

Esme's soothing voice consoled the couple. "Don't worry, Carlisle will fix this. If he can wrap the hospital directors around his little finger, he can certainly placate Charlie."

_Assuming the man is sane.__ I wonder if every human father would react this way. _ I thought Charlie was being rather irrational, but what did I know? It wasn't like my coworkers came into work saying, 'Guess what? I pulled a gun on my daughter's fiancé last night, because he got up her skirt, and the wedding is a whole month away'. No, even for a human, I thought the strength of Charlie's reaction was ridiculous.

Esme spoke again. "Here's a nice hot wash cloth. You'd better get changed in the garage, just in case somebody walks through here."

Edward grunted appreciatively, and I heard him kiss my mate.

The garage door clicked.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble, Esme," Bella whimpered. Grr. My poor little Dovey. Was she weeping again?

"Oh, Bella! You mustn't fret. Someday, you'll look back on this night and laugh."

"I don't know why you guys put up with Charlie."

"Bella, he's your Dad."

"He doesn't honour my choices. And he pushed me out of his way tonight, and I fell down."

"Did he hurt you? Is Edward right? Does Carlisle need to look at you?"

"I don't think so. It was more insult than injury. You know how bad my balance is." Both females huffed a laugh, and Bella continued. "He didn't push me that hard."

"Look, don't you excuse him. He's lucky Carlisle is a gentle person. My mate would like to teach your father a lesson or two about respectful dominance."

"Yeah. Well, vampires solve disagreements with their hands, don't they? I should expect that, right?"

"No, Bella. The females in our family do not fight. Sometimes Rose smacks Emmett, but Em would never hit her. The males never hit the females, or use fear to govern their relationships. You don't need to worry, unless you plan to become a Trad."

"Hah. I don't think so. But the males fight each other."

"Sometimes. In the olden days, human disputes were solved with an above-the-belt fistfight instead of lawsuits. They're used to that. If our boys fight, it's usually over pretty quickly, and if it starts to get out of hand, Carlisle pulls them apart and gives them a good shake. Nothing to worry about. Promise."

"Esme?"

"Mm?"

"If vampires are supposed to be so domineering and aggressive, how come Carlisle is so much more respectful of me than my Dad is?"

"Carlisle ... recognizes your strength and views you as an adult. Back in his day you'd have probably had a couple of kids by your age. Your Dad is afraid for you, especially with everything that's happened to you since we came into your lives: broken bones, emotional devastation, conflicts, running away... it's a lot for him to watch you go through, and he doesn't know how to handle it. He still sees you as his baby."

"And... Edward?" she fretted.

"You and Edward are going to be fine. He knows you're strong, and he's a very gentle person. He and his Dad are alike that way." There was a pause, then, "You and your mate should be in bed."

In the garage, Edward started cursing under his breath. Oh, he was pissed at Charlie, alright. He hardly ever swore.

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"Um, Emo. It just… has to come out, you know?"

"Was it good, Bella?"

Bella chuckled tearily, then, she whispered,"Amazing."

"No point whispering, Love. Everybody can hear. Mother, I'll thank you not to ask such things in front of me," Edward said, sounding smug nonetheless as he returned to the kitchen.

"Fine. I'll ask her when you're not around. Bella, you can take the Victorian out of the Age, but you can't take the age out of the Victorian."

They all had a little giggle. I tuned back in to Charlie. Would he ever stop nattering? I hoped I was keeping my face suitably respectful and concerned, because his monologue was getting as old as me.

"... never rebelled before she met him, and since they got back together, she defies me all the time. She never gave me a lick of trouble-"

"Charlie," I finally interrupted, "they _are _getting married in less than a month."

I heard Esme prepare a second pint for Edward. She murmured, "Remember, if you're stuck in those cuffs for an extended amount of time, that a human would have red marks. You should rouge up your wrists with a couple of drops of blood later, or Charlie will be suspicious."

In response to my comment, Charlie stepped way over the line. "He left her once, Carlisle. Who is to say he won't do it again? What if he test-drives the car and then decides he doesn't like the model?"

I heard two faint hisses issue from the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" Bella moaned. She didn't get an answer. I couldn't imagine how upset she would be if she knew. And Edward had always been such a gentleman.

That cut it. I felt my temper rise for the first time in over a year. "_Enough." _I declared. I was no longer prepared to sit idly by and let Charlie think badly of Edward. It was time to set the record straight, whether Edward sanctioned it or not.

Esme returned, passed me and Charlie another beer, then sat herself back down beside me. Her expression was frosty. She gave my leg a calming pat. Gritting my teeth, I took a moment to compose my thoughts. _Don't kill the human don't kill the human don't kill the human… _Emotion could not rule me if I wanted to achieve Christ-honouring, practical objectives. So, what should my goals be? I motioned to Charlie to give me a moment.

I wanted to make things easier for Edward. Charlie needed to be able to sympathize with him, and he needed to accept him. Charlie also needed to treat his daughter with more respect. Vampires were hard to injure, while human girls were not. He must not ever get violent with her again. Yes, I cuffed my boys from time to time. It wasn't meant to hurt. It wasn't meant to bully. I only cuffed them to make them focus, and only as a last resort. And sometimes, it was an affectionate gesture, that all of us would chuckle about. I never, ever did it impulsively, and never to insult them.

So... improve Edward's status with Charlie, and get the man to respect his daughter. Well, my short list of objectives was a pretty tall order to fill.

I considered what I could say to bulk out the truthful elements of my story with believable fiction. Adding in part of one of my patient's stories should work. Before I began, I sent up a short prayer for guidance. And patience. And I took a calming breath.

A previously unthought-of comfort came to me, and I wondered if the Spirit whispered it in my heart, to ease the hurt:

_Edward_, I thought, _Charlie respects you enough that he has never factored money into your relationship with Bella. Because__ you left her, he is afraid you will hurt her again. But he has never dishonoured you by assuming you were only toying with a girl much less powerful than yourself, or dishonoured Bella by wondering if she were only marrying you for money. Take heart fro__m the fact that he loves his daughter, and thinks she is worthy of you. It is normal that he should want proof that you are worthy of her. It's not a bad place to begin. Fathers guard their daughters' virtue. It's instinctive. He's just a lousy commun__icator. That's why he used violence. If he doesn't smarten up, I shall personally e__xecute__ him,__ and donate all his organs,__ okay?_

"Okay," my son said, sounding more cheerful. I turned my focus to Bella's father, frowning, and used my sternest tone.

"Edward doesn't deserve that, Charlie. He asked me not to tell you the story surrounding his abandonment of Bella for two reasons. First, he likes to beat himself up and he thought he deserved your treatment of him; and second, he was afraid of what you would think of the true story. But I think you need to know it so that you can move forward and stop hurting a good soul. And he _is_ good, Charlie, as I hope you can open your mind enough to see."

Charlie sat back a bit in surprise. He probably didn't expect me to criticize him. He folded his arms and waited for me to begin. Motioning for him to wait, I got up and peeked into the kitchen, to check on my kids.

Seated on his stool, my boy had lifted his bound arms to encircle Bella, and she had wrapped her arms and legs around him so that she could straddle his lap. She was apparently wearing a pair of his underwear, which was good, as it was showing in her current position. And she was sniffling into his neck. As for Edward, his eyes were starting to fleck with red, and his mouth was an angry red slash in his pale face.

_Don't interrupt my story _at all, _understood? I'm going to tell him exactly what __I want, and you've got nothing to say about it. And make sure you put in contacts. Your eyes are going burgundy._

He nodded curtly, and pressed his cheek to Bella's, crooning a love song into her ear. She sniffled and clung to him. For an instant, I seriously considered murdering Charlie Swan. Then, I said a prayer for him instead:

_Merciful God, grant a blessing upon this misguided but normally good man, and please bestow upon him some parenting skills._

Huffing a sigh, I returned to my seat. "What I tell you now is privileged information, Charlie, and I expect you not to divulge it to others or discuss it with Edward. Bella knows everything, of course, but he is a very private person and he doesn't want to dwell on the past. He has dealt with most of his skeletons and we don't want him to slide back into mistrusting people, or himself. He has come a long way, and we are proud of him."

There was a sudden onslaught of banging from upstairs, and some dust filtered down from the ceiling. Alice and Jasper were celebrating the Union in their room above us, and they were being deliberately loud. We all stared at the ceiling in shock.

"Be my Sub, Jazz," Alice screamed.

Jasper exulted, "Oh, yes, Mistress, yes!" Guttural screams from Jasper ensued. Then, he hollered, "Will Bella be Edward's Domme, Mistress?"

Alice replied, "No, Bella will be the Sub. She's normally in charge, so she will need the release."

Charlie's eyes were big as saucers.

"Don't mind them Charlie, Alice and Jasper have a sick sense of humour. They've been married a long time," Esme said nonchalantly.

Charlie's eyebrows were on the ceiling.

I heard Edward groan, "Oh, this _cannot_ be happening. Somebody tell me this is not real." I heard him bang his head on the butcher's block-topped kitchen island. Probably trying to block the onslaught of mental images Alice and Jasper were doling out. He didn't normally stick around to hear such things. I cleared my throat and got back to business.

Charlie nodded reluctantly, agreeing to ignore the reprobates upstairs, so I leaned back against the sofa cushions and rested my ankle on my knee, and my left hand on Esme's leg, preparing to spin a long tale.

"Edward was born in Chicago. We don't know much about life inside his household, but we do know that his parents died tragically, and he was home alone with them at the time. He remembers a lot of blood. Perhaps they were shot." _Yeah, I shall__ rub it in thoroughly! Charlie should feel guilty for threatening to shoot Edward. A kid whose parents were shot to death would be terrified of guns. _

_That's right, Charlie, hunch over. You're going to submit to me. _

"He knows he was close to his mother, and he speaks of her very highly, but he doesn't recall much about his father." I looked at Charlie frankly. "Edward's afraid of me, you know, and I've never given him any cause. I often wonder what his father was like. We also know that he had two older siblings but he doesn't remember a thing about them. The Adoption people wouldn't tell us anything, except to say the brother and sister were away on an extended stay with relatives at the time of their parents' demise.

"We don't know how many days Edward was alone. He didn't know that he ought to leave and get help. Edward was six, so he knew how to fend for himself. Nobody looked for him. Nobody missed his parents until it got to be time for the other children to go home. Edward's relatives eventually found him catatonic next to deteriorating corpses. They did not want the responsibility of rehabilitating him so they made him a ward of the state. Obviously, it was not a functional family. The siblings have never attempted to contact him, and they were teenagers when he was just a little boy. They just walked away. I've never understood it.

"I was a new intern, only eighteen, having accomplished all my schooling early as an exceptional learner. My speciality was rare diseases. Edward became one of my patients, and for some reason I got attached to him. It might have been because we share similar health conditions. Since I couldn't have kids, Esme and I made the decision to take him for our son. However, the road to recovery was long and we were frightened for him. He was a virtual zombie for a long time. It took two years for him to respond to any affection or instruction from us. He couldn't go to school. Esme home-schooled him. We could never leave him with a sitter. It terrified him into rages.

"A mentor of mine eventually suggested that it might be a good idea for him to have another child with whom to interact. That's when we got Emmett. Emmett was a great kid, an ideal big brother, and he drew Edward out of hell. By the time Edward was ten, he was able to integrate into school, and we were able to live more like a normal family."

At that moment, Alice and Jasper's lovemaking grew increasingly vocal and higher in pitch. It drowned out Edward's whimpering. Finally, there was a great pair of screams and the following silence was deafening. I cleared my throat, and Esme and I snuck a peek at each other. Their antics were certainly _not_ representative of a normal family.

"How long have they been married?" Charlie asked incredulously, gesturing at the ceiling with his thumb.

"Since they were, um, sixteen," Esme winced.

"_Sixteen_!" Charlie gasped.

"Well, like I said, troubled pasts," I shrugged. "They're just looking for attention, Charlie. If they didn't do it here, they'd be out Heaven knows where, flaunting themselves in front of the local populace. Most of the time, they're all bark and no bite. At least here, I know they're safe."

"Um, right." _ Chew on that._

"When Edward and Emmett were still small, I had a couple of short-term job stints. In Montana, we found and adopted Alice. She's nearly a year older than Edward, but they're in the same grade. She integrated very easily, and they dote on each other, even if she does do her best to wind him up sometimes. After the adoption finalized, I took a better job up in Alaska and uprooted them all. Still, the five of us meshed into a family, thanks primarily to the talents of my loving wife, and the kids seemed to enjoy the move.

"While we were there, our kids met the Hale twins, who were living in a children's home. Our kids really felt for them, and they hit it off. Emmett started dating Rose, and Alice started dating Jasper. Before long, the kids had bamboozled us into taking _them_ in, too. Soon, Rose and Jasper had their 16th birthday and were out of foster care. Since Jasper was emancipated, he and Alice eloped.

"That was quite the upset, let me tell you. He didn't trust me enough to believe we would let them be together, which was silly, really. Better we should support them, while offering sound advice, than throw them out. It wasn't like they were disrespectful of each other. They've always put their partner first, and they are absolutely best friends. They might both march to different drummers, but they're lovely together.

"The only thing is, the fact that they eloped at such a young age had a big effect on Edward, and I've advised him on many occasions not to elope with Bella. It really pained me not to get to walk Alice down the aisle."

"Yeah... That would be... sad," Charlie muttered pensively. _Score for Cullen! _

"Anyway, it's wrong to love people conditionally, so we made up. I was so scared I'd never see my daughter again. Luckily, Jasper is a nice boy. Soon after they returned to us, we all left Alaska and set down roots in Forks. You know what's happened since.

"Last fall, I made a mistake that almost cost me everything that matters. I was offered a prestigious job in LA along with a simply ludicrous amount of money. I was happy in Forks, but they wooed my ego. No one else in the family wanted to move, but I was selfish. I urged my family to give California a try. I thought Esme would adjust, and after all, the kids were all reaching adulthood. I figured that within a couple of years they could choose to live wherever they wished. They all had assurance of my support, so money would not be a factor.

"Esme and I assumed that Edward, being the youngest, would stay at home with us for a couple more years. He was the first of our children, and carries all the personality traits of an only child. He was the most determined to please, the most responsible, a textbook over-achiever, and the most attached to us. We had rather _hoped _for purely selfish reasons that he'd live at home until he was 30.

"Edward had other ideas. He was more serious about Bella than we thought. Just before we left Forks, on her eighteenth birthday, he asked her to marry him, hoping they could live in this house and finish out high school before moving on to college. She turned him down."

Charlie's head snapped back in shock. "She never told me that!"

Why would she? For a few minutes, I let him think of reasons why she might have chosen not to tell him. Then, I resumed my story.

"Of course, Bella believed herself to be too young to enter the commitment of marriage, but Edward would not believe that she really loved him. He was devastated, but he accepted that she just didn't want to commit. He thought perhaps she loved Jacob. He didn't listen to our attempts to reason with him. He insisted that Bella had dumped him and that he wasn't going to go back and expose himself to more rejection.

"Almost immediately, we moved to LA. However, nobody adjusted. The whole family fell to pieces. We fought constantly. We've never cut each other up before. Emmett and Rosalie moved out, so not only did Edward lose Bella, he lost his best friend, as well. Esme and I had bad fights, which Edward overheard. And he missed Bella so desperately. We all did. She was a breath of fresh air. She used to make him laugh all the time. She could get him out of his funks better than anybody else.

"Without her, Edward sank deeper and deeper into depression until it was _Night of the Living Dead_ again. He'd curl up in his room and not move for days. Nothing we said or did could bring him out of that private hell. After two months of it, Esme and I were seriously considering putting him in a mental facility. He was down 30 pounds and we thought we were going to lose him.

"Unbeknownst to us, Edward overheard a conversation about sending him into treatment. He shouted at us, and tried to run away from home. I managed to catch him, and we had a serious talk. He refused to contact Bella and forbade us to do so. He thought a time away from home, where everything reminded him of Bella, might do him good. At home, he was the odd man out, living with dedicated couples. He said he couldn't handle it. I gave him the means to travel, and elicited his promise to maintain regular contact with us.

"He didn't realize, but giving him a credit card enabled me to keep tabs on him. He moved around constantly, progressing farther and farther south. Being away did seem to help him a little, but we missed him dreadfully. The other kids wanted their brother back. Alice was taking it really hard. Christmas was so depressing, even though he phoned. He still didn't want to come home.

"Alice finally went behind all our backs and arranged herself a trip back to Forks, just to check on things. She particularly wanted to know how Bella was doing, and if she missed Edward at all. Meanwhile, Edward had come home to LA for a surprise visit.

"One day, during her stay in Forks, Alice chanced to encounter a half-hysterical Jacob Black, who asked her if she had seen Bella. He revealed that Bella had gone cliff diving unsupervised because he had not kept his promise to take her, that she had almost drowned, that she had run away while he was off seeking help, and he couldn't find her. You can imagine how Alice panicked."

Charlie was gawping like a fish. _Bonus marks to me for g__etting Jacob into trouble. Well, watch out, Charlie, because I'm going to set you straight. And I'm thrilled about it. This is the best evening I've had in ages._

_It really appeals to my Dom tendencies._

"Jacob said he was going to take Bella cliff diving? With all those rocks around? We're always telling those boys to stay out of that water. And you say she almost _drowned_?"

I crossed my arms and let my disapproval show. "He often got her into dangerous situations. It's the biggest reason why Edward objected to their so-called friendship. Didn't you know?"

Charlie shifted position defensively. Mentally, I had just cuffed him upside the head like one of my boys. "I always thought Edward was just jealous. What do you mean, 'dangerous situations'? I know Bells convinced Jake to fix up an old motorbike for her, but he didn't encourage her in that."

I shook my head disparagingly. "He didn't need any convincing. You don't know how manipulative and reckless that boy was, do you? Edward was afraid for Bella every time she spent time with him."

"Manipulative and reckless?" Charlie repeated hotly, clearly not believing me.

"He exerted pressure on her to be his girlfriend. He touched her on several occasions when she said 'no'. On one such occasion, as you know, he forced a kiss on her, and tried to touch her, and as a result she struck him so hard that she broke her hand. Such a brave little girl! I thought Edward was extremely mature, not to kill the little bastard.

"When he found out they were getting married, Jacob told Bella he'd sooner see her dead than married to my son. And this May, before he ran away from home, he manipulated Bella into kissing him, by telling her that he was going to kill himself if she didn't."

Charlie Swan turned white, then red, then purple, then white. Now that was talent.

"Gear it down, Charlie, or you're going to have a heart attack," I warned. I wondered what my kids would want me to do in such an event. Hopefully I would never have to ask.

Naturally, Charlie ignored me. He sprang up and stormed into the kitchen. "Isabella Marie!"

Esme and I rushed after him. He marched right up to the kids, still wrapped up together on the stool, and balled his fists. Edward looked at him threateningly, while Bella kept her face buried against his neck. Edward stroked her hair despite the handcuffs, daring Charlie with his eyes to say anything else that was hurtful.

"Is all this true about Jake? Was he manipulative and abusive to you?" Charlie demanded loudly.

Bella's spine stiffened and she picked up her head, shouting at her father so that her voice cracked. "Yes. He. Was!"

She sucked in a big breath, and continued mournfully. "He didn't mean to be, he thinks he loves me. He's just a kid. But ... Carlisle's right. Jake's behaviour was unacceptable." She collapsed back onto Edward, who rocked her and shushed her, and tried to comfort her despite the handcuffs. I could tell he had reached his limit. As Charlie did not move to take the cuffs off, Edward simply tightened his arms around Bella, slid off the stool, and bee-lined for the living room.

"Edward! Don't walk away from me. How else did Jake endanger Bella?" Charlie demanded, hands on his belt.

Edward spun on his heel and clenched his teeth. "_Jake_ took her out on their ancient motorbikes without a learner's permit, without lessons, and without a helmet. For your information, your daughter has a scar on the front of her head that Dr Gerandy stitched after she flew off the bike and hit a rock. _Jake_ took her to Paul Hudson's house, despite the fact that Paul once threatened to assault her. You know how aggressive Paul is. He threatened to kill my family, remember, when I started dating Bella? _Jake_ took Bella climbing without ropes, and bungee jumping off a bridge, and out in boats without lifejackets, and he took her to bonfires where there was underage drinking.

"I was _never_ jealous of _Jake_. Bella had plenty of time to get attached to him, had she wanted him instead of me. She did want me, Charlie. But if you're asking me if I hated him, then yes, at times I did. I try to feel sorry for him, but I'm glad he's gone. And as for you, _Chief_, don't you ever lay a hand on my sweet girl in anger again, or I will break your jaw."

From the top of the house came a feminine 'woo-hoo', and some exuberant applause. What! Alice and Jasper were being supportive now? Incomprehensible. I might just have to run a medical on them both. Perhaps they had finally both gone 'round the twist.

Edward left us standing, feeling empty, as he stomped upstairs cradling his Bella. I heard him snarl as he passed Alice and Jasper on the upper landing. Charlie made as if to chase after Edward, looking stricken, but I grabbed his arm and held him back.

"Let them alone."

Charlie sagged. "Why didn't they tell me?"

"I don't know. They told me."

Charlie Swan looked lost. "She came to you."

I stayed mulishly silent. Esme took my hand, and pulled me back to the chesterfield. Hesitantly, Charlie returned to his chair.

"What happened after Alice found out Bella almost drowned?" he husked.

I picked up my thread. "Right after Alice talked to Jacob, Rosalie called Alice to see how things were going, and Alice unwittingly made it sound like Bella had killed herself. She said that Bella had gone to the beach alone and jumped off a cliff, and that she, Alice, was going to your house.

"Rosalie thought Bella was dead and she was beyond fury. She phoned home looking for Edward, and when he answered she called him every bad name in the book. She told him that Bella was dead because she loved him and he dumped her, and that it was entirely his fault.

"Edward went off the deep end. As you know, I habitually keep a medical bag with me so I can make emergency house calls. I didn't do it as much in LA. The bag was at home in my office. Edward helped himself to some morphine. He took a hefty overdose. He understood what he was doing: it was no cry for attention. He unquestionably intended to die."

"Jesus," Charlie gasped. He was obviously reframing some faulty assumptions. My plan was working.

I pretended to sip my beer, and then continued. "I was very hard-pressed to save him. We had to put him on Watch at the hospital. Esme phoned and told Alice that Edward was in the Critical Care Unit. Alice, meanwhile, had tracked down Bella. They discussed everything that happened.

"Despite the fact that we relayed the message that Bella was fine, Edward didn't trust us. He thought we were lying to protect him. So many people in his life had abandoned him. He was fading away, no will to live.

"Esme phoned Alice again, and Bella jumped on a plane and rushed to the hospital. When she ran into his arms, all the walls came down. Bella and Edward have been pretty much inseparable ever since. She even accompanied him to counselling sessions, to confront his poor self-worth, anxiety and overprotective tendencies.

"I want you to know that I adore your daughter. Not many young ladies would have forgiven a boy who behaved as Edward did. Your daughter loves people so fiercely."

Charlie folded his hands and rested his head on them. "Jeez, I thought Bella was the only one who got suicidal. I kept asking her what he did to her, but maybe it wasn't his fault. Maybe it wasn't her fault either. Maybe it was all a big misunderstanding." He dropped his hands, looking at us worriedly. "Maybe she didn't talk to me because I wasn't being fair to him. Is he okay now? She seemed fine when he came back, but I was afraid she was dependent on him, like, in an unhealthy way, and that he'd leave her again and she'd kill herself. And now you tell me they both got counselling. Was it extensive?"

"Yes."

"Are they co-dependent?"

I blinked. It was a surprisingly intelligent question. "No, I think they're pretty inter-dependent."

"Okay. So they worked it all out, with some help. That's good. Good. I wish I had known all of this."

"Edward and Bella worked out their misunderstandings when they met in LA. Edward's mental health improved remarkably quickly, and he expressed his wish to go home to Forks. The staff agreed that he could cope as an outpatient, and released him into my care.

"We all wanted to go home, to the people and the place that we really love. We've been happier in Forks than we've ever been anywhere else, and this is where we intend to live. We decided that we had best get Bella home, too.

"Everybody had been so worried about Edward that we rather forgot about how worried you would be. I'm sorry, Charlie. I should have talked to you then, but I didn't want Edward upset any further. He had to work things out on his own, and he was afraid you would never let him near Bella if you knew how unbalanced he had been.

"Now, Charlie, you can think of Edward as damaged, or rash, or weak, or stubborn, but you must _not _think of him as a cad. He has only ever been respectful and mindful of Bella and wants what is best for her. He is very kind, fiercely loyal, self-sacrificing and well-intentioned. Please judge him fairly. He has a lot of respect for you, and wants your approval.

"I understand your concern about them being intimate, but we are actually encouraged that Edward is not repressing himself. I don't think you have to worry about immature behaviour _now _the way you might have had to do a year ago. They communicate well and they know what they want. They learned the hard way."

Charlie sat still for several minutes, processing everything while he downed a third beer. Finally, he cleared his throat to speak. There was no sound coming from upstairs. Edward and Bella were waiting with bated breath to hear what Charlie would say. I wondered what they thought of my story.

Bella's father shrugged hopelessly, unable to raise his eyes. "Well, I hardly know what to say. I owe everyone a huge apology. I just saw red, you know? I suppose the kids won't want anything to do with me, now."

I exchanged a quick, hopeful smile with Esme. "Bella loves you, Charlie, and Edward has never been one to hold a grudge. He says life's too short."

"You think... they'd want to ... talk to me?" he mumbled.

"I want to check on them, first. Why don't you stay down here, with Esme, and I'll go see if they've calmed down."

"Okay. Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."


	7. Chapter 7: Cocksparrow and Dove

**Chapter 7: Cocksparrow and Dove**

**I'm enjoying all of your reviews so much. Thank you to the new readers, and welcome back to my regulars :} This chappie is for everyone who always wondered why Alice… well, you'll see.**

**For those that aren't familiar with my series, the characters use genuine slang from their era, from the years when they were 15-20 years old. My regulars will know that 'Bimbo' is Em's nickname for Edward, and it means 'Tough Guy'. Carlisle calls him 'Cocksparrow', which is slang from the mid-1600's people of London, meaning 'Young Boy'. I'm sure Ed takes it with an eye roll, but it's not like Carlisle's gonna change now. LOL**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Sunday, July 17****th****, 11:30 pm:**

_**Edward's room:**_

_**Carlisle's pov:**_

"Come," he breathed, hearing my mental request, and I slipped into the hushed, lovely nest that he'd built for her. Candles cast a golden glow in the dark space, and scented the room with vanilla, lime and verbena. Hm. Soothing.

She was lying on her front, with her right arm dangling to the floor, eyes shut, cheeks stained with dried tears, and lips slightly parted. He was stroking her back, holding the chain binding him in his other hand, so it didn't make noise.

"Asleep?" I murmured. The dove had instructed us, long ago, never to talk at a pitch she couldn't hear. I admired that.

"No," she said softly, shifting onto her side to face me. "Too wired."

I parked myself on edge of the bed, smiling affectionately. Edward rolled onto his back, placing his cuffed hands above him on the pillows. All his ribs showed. He was still too thin after months of self-neglect, but at least his hands weren't curled into fists anymore. They rested, open and relaxed, on the gold pillowcase.

"I'm not afraid of you, Dad," he asserted, looking at me with disconcertingly red eyes, from under dark lashes. My face tightened in a brief grimace, then I smiled at him sadly.

"Yes, you are. You're always afraid to displease me, in case I stop loving you. It's never going to happen. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes, Sir."

I nodded, and looked around a little. There was a new picture of a group of kids on the long bookcase, in the middle of which was Bella, attempting to play Jasper's guitar. In it, she had her tongue stuck out comically, and Edward was grinning impishly at her. My other kids were sitting around her laughing, as were her friends Ang, Ben, and Jess.

"When was that?" I asked, nodding toward it.

"Couple of weeks ago, we all went on a picnic. The highlight of the day was that Em stumbled across a perfectly good bear, and we couldn't eat it. We all had to yell and run away."

Bella snorted. "Teddy Bear Picnic."

"Nice," my boy said, teeth flashing.

"Charlie wants to apologize," I said needlessly.

Edward's face turned stony. "Not in here. He's not welcome in here. This is our lair."

I nodded. "You'll come down?"

"He's going to take the cuffs off?"

I rolled my eyes. "I should hope so."

"M'kay. Give us a couple of minutes."

"Don't forget your contacts," I cautioned him, standing up.

The red eyes rolled. "Perfect memory, Carlisle."

"Kids?" I said, leaning on the door frame.

"Yeah?" they chorused.

"I'm proud of you."

I bypassed the stairs in favour of Alice and Jasper's room. They weren't in it, but I thought I knew where they would be. I unlatched their glass door, and drifted smoothly to the ground. Sure enough, they were sitting at the picnic table in the back garden, with their devious little heads together, snickering.

"I have some bones to pick with you," I growled barely audibly. I did not speak at vampire pitch, because the sound carried farther, and I was hoping Edward would not _Hear_.

Sobering, they both straightened up and regarded me solemnly.

"Why were you so cruel?" I frowned. They both looked at me sheepishly.

"We weren't trying to be cruel, Carlisle," Jasper protested.

"You did nothing to improve the situation, Jasper. You could have used your talent to calm the room, or make Charlie regretful, or-"

"Dom Carlisle? Dad?" he interrupted. I waited for his response, pensively. "Walk with us?"

So, he did not want Edward to _Hear._ "Run," I growled. Nodding, he and Alice slipped off the bench and we ran into the forest. We vaulted over the Calawah, and did not stop until we were a couple of miles from home, where Edward would have no chance of overhearing us.

I led them to a fallen tree, and we settled ourselves upon it.

"How long has Edward been suppressing his feelings?" Jasper asked me.

I considered the matter carefully. "Forever."

Jasper nodded. "And now, he's expressing them."

"He's been expressing them ever since he met her," I argued.

"Well, here's the thing. He _started_ expressing them, then, he eventually found his feet, put his thoughts in order, and decided he was impure and she needed protecting from him. He got into a new habit of sheltering her. And that new habit included hiding his emotions from his mate, supposedly to protect her. That gave her a lot of mixed messages about his nature, his physical response to her, and his feelings. His reticence to hurt or offend came across as ambivalence and a lack of passion. And she kept her emotions secret too, in case she offended him. It got so she was even afraid to ask for a kiss, in case he thought she was a hussy. In short, they were unsure of each other. They became lousy communicators, not functioning as a couple, and eventually, parted.

"See, it's just like Charlie. He was kept out of the loop, so he acted on assumptions, based on the simplest collection of facts. Occam's Razor: the simplest assumption must be the correct answer. Only Charlie's life experiences meant he was always guessing wrong, and that led him to distrust both Edward and his own daughter. The man aggravates me something fierce. He should have caught onto Jacob a long time ago. You know what really bugs me?"

"What?" I wondered, fascinated.

"Jacob ratted out Bella for having a motorcycle, right? Lord knows what he said to Charlie, to keep him in the man's good books. Did Charlie say to himself, 'that boy enabled my girl to have a bike, and he took her riding'? He did not. He said to himself, 'my rebellious daughter tricked a good little boy to fix up a motorbike for her, behind my back, and then she pressured him into teaching her to use it, and go riding with her'. Charlie Swan put that boy on a pedestal, and assumed bad things about his own daughter. He liked Jacob better than our Baby Bee. I discussed it with Edward back in May, but Edward refused to address it with Charlie. He said the man would just take any arguments as sour grapes."

"I see," I murmured.

"So, back to Edward and Bella: they reunited, and they've had one helluva time prying the truth out of each other. Okay, so it's out on the table. He wants her, she wants him. No freak outs from either of them, so they both feel safe in the relationship, now. But he's still in an unenviable position: he is the only vampire in recorded history to keep a human mate for an extended period of time. He's paving new ground for our entire species, Carlisle, and he's scared to death. And Bee is never going to let him back out of his promise. It would spoil their beautiful bond if he were to back out, and you know Edward, his word _is_ his bond. Fellow has character. He's my hero. Honestly.

"Then why did you humiliate him?" I pressed.

"His feelings are overwhelming, and he needs to learn how to express them in acceptable ways. And pretending his feelings aren't so strong, which turns them into something less genuine, is not going to help him with his mate. He has to learn to recognize what upsets him, and to what degree, and how to resolve problems and gain comfort. Before he can express feelings politely, he's got to vent. And as for our Miss Bella, she's opinionated, but she's not in the habit of standing up for herself. That's got to change."

"You set them up!" I gasped. "You and Alice! Alice! Did you foresee all of this? Have you been stressing them out so that they would go to that movie, and then throw grease on the fire to make sure this all would happen?"

"Guilty."

"Christ aid! You could have gotten someone killed!" I half-yelled, reeling.

Jasper smiled wryly, and pointed theatrically at his mate. I gaped at her like a moron.

"We have plans for Edward and Bella, because we love them so much. We've harassed them dreadfully tonight, and we're not done driving them up the wall yet."

I couldn't seem to do so much as squeak. My eyes stayed glued to my daughter.

"It's the next step to getting them to their goal, savvy?" Jasper said, and I gawped at him instead of his wife. "We've irritated them right out of their comfortable habits."

"Aargh!" I yelled, grabbing at my hair just as my son would do. "They were doing fine on their own. They've been getting intimate since May 15th, when he got her the bed. You know this!"

Both Alice and Jasper shook their heads mournfully.

"What do you mean, 'no'? Great coursing royal rubicund-fashioning crimson- bloated-corpuscles of _course _they have been working on it. He told me so," I spluttered hotly, jumping up to confront them.

Alice regarded me calmly. "They've only been touching through clothes, and that's taken almost two months of practice. At that rate, he wouldn't be able to consummate their bond until Christmas, and the wedding is in a month."

"So… you _purposefully_ set them up, _knowing _they would become impulsive and make _faster progress_?" I demanded incredulously.

"He's never going to hurt her, Carlisle. They're both going to get everything they want." Alice smiled affectionately. Then, she sobered. "This series of events has accomplished a lot. Charlie is going to gain respect for you, Esme, Edward and Bella, and he's going to lose his arrogance. In short, his life will be better, thanks to improved relationships. And Bella and Edward's lives are going to be better, too, because they're going to get close to Charlie. Charlie's going to be a dad instead of a father."

I sat back down hard on the tree trunk, huffing, and looking at Alice in disbelief.

"Edward and Bella will keep their vow to wait for marriage to consummate their bond, but they're going to learn how to be lovers now, and they're going to be communicating their innermost thoughts, needs, and desires from now on. Effectively, the fact that we have made ourselves the bad guys, and we have forced them to view Charlie as an intruder, has just given Edward and Bella a 'you and me against the world' mentality that has been somewhat lackluster in their relationship."

"They are going to have the strongest bond I've ever encountered next to mine and Lissy's," Jasper said smugly.

"You've taken an awful risk," I told them. "You've been horrid. What if they never forgive you?"

Alice sighed, and shifted. "Like I said, we aren't quite done tormenting them yet. And before I tell you about it, you have to promise me that you won't go back to the house until they've left. Jazzy and I are good at keeping secrets from him, and you're not."

Seconds ticked by while I considered it. "This is going to be in their best interest?"

Both kids nodded, smiling gently.

"And there's no chance of them getting hurt?" I checked.

"None whatsoever. I told you. He will never, ever hurt her," Alice promised.

Jasper stretched languidly. "Edward's refusing to act because of his fear. When he faces it, he'll discover that the problem isn't as big as he thought. He has a few challenges to pass, that's all, and he's going to pass with flying colours, right Lissy?"

"Yep." The Cheshire Cat grin was back.

"So, if I want to know your scheme, I have to stay away from them for the rest of the night?"

"Yes, it won't be long. All you have to do is tell Charlie he's had too much beer, and drive him home. By the time you get back from that, Edward and Bella will be gone."

"Okay, I know you already know that I accept. Now fill me in," I demanded.

Alice began eagerly, talking at top speed. "Rose and Em will be home soon with the Engagement Notice that's going in the papers. She already knows we're on a mission to help him. The picture is really hawt. Right now, Charlie is busy making up to Edward. He's going to tell Edward that Bella has permission to stay at our house tonight, under your care. Rose will soon be home with the photo, and Edward is going to freak. He's going to run off to a hotel in Seattle with Bella. And if all goes according to my _Sight_, when they see the announcement in the paper tomorrow morning, they're going to run away to Canada, because if they stick around, people –even strangers- are going to admire that photo and turn them into minor celebrities."

"Canada?" I gasped. "Why Canada? Can't they hide out closer to home?"

"Nope, they need to get to a foreign country."

"And then they'll be fine?" I said, not understanding how anything could get solved just by their leaving the country.

"Not… exactly," Alice winced.

"Alice," I growled, narrowing my eyes.

"Jazzy and I are going to follow them, and show up in their hotel room with all their human friends. About a dozen of them," she announced, not looking at me.

"Holy googlie-" I shook my head. "Are you suicidal?"

"It's going to be fine," she avowed, staring at me like I was a moron.

"How are you going to explain your presence?" I demanded.

"I'll tell him that I _Saw_ him break that last Commandment, and that I couldn't _See_ Bella with him any more afterward. It will scare him into letting us annoy them all week. And by the end of the week, he'll be calling the shots for all the humans, and for Em, Rose, Jazz and me. He's going to be quite the leader someday. And he and Bella will spend a lot of time getting naked, and they'll gain some confidence, and they'll never be divided again. They'll both start fulfilling their potential."

"But implying that he's going to accidentally kill her constitutes one very big lie. What happens if he's so affrighted that they stop making any progress at all?"

"They almost made love tonight. It's 90 percent probable that there wouldn't have been any problems. I just want to give them the other ten percent," she pleaded.

"And how are you going to avoid getting them so upset, that they try to pay you back for all the trouble you've given them? How do you know Edward won't have a fight with you, and elope?" I frowned.

"There's a 98 percent chance that they're going to enjoy the trip so much, that they'll forget all about being angry with us. And when they get home, Charlie will be a lot more respectful."

"You're sure?" I pressed.

"I'm positive. Everything about this situation is sheer win. This night is going to do a lot for him. He's going to grow up."

I really, really hoped I wouldn't regret my decision. "Okay. Do it. See that you phone me and keep me informed about what's going on. Esme and I will worry if you don't. Use the family credit card to pay for the expenses of the humans you're taking. And don't take that Lauren person if you can help it."

Alice squealed and jiggled over to give me hugs and kisses, and Jazz smacked my shoulder as they hurried off. Sighing, I hurried back to the house, in time to see a dreadfully inebriated Charlie Swan swaying on the porch steps, trying to find his car key under the light.

"Charlie?" I greeted him.

"Yeah, hello, Carlisle. Esme's a nice woman. We had a long chat. She gimme another beer. You're son's a good boy. He forgives me. And my baby girl, too, yessiree." He hiccoughed gently.

"How many beers have you had, Charlie?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

He peered into space. "Five, maybe, I dunno."

"Why don't you let me drive you home?"

"Um, can't leave the cruiser," he said blearily.

"That's okay. I'll drop you home, and then one of the family can pick me up. How would that be?"

"Shouldn't let you drive police property," he frowned.

"I won't tell if you won't. I always wanted to drive one of these," I said admiringly.

Charlie huffed and rocked on his pins. "Dunno why. Crown Vics drive like shit. I haven't caught the guy in the red sports car in five years. Must have an enclosed garage, and never leave it outside. Bugger drives it four times the speed limit."

I sent up a fervent prayer that Rosalie was not the bugger in question, liberated Charlie's keys from his fingers, and installed him in the passenger seat of his vehicle.

"I'm much obliged," he murmelled, tilting to one side as I jumped behind the wheel.

"Anytime," I said hurriedly, backing out of the drive. I didn't want to think about anything I'd been told, because Edward might overhear.

"Kids ran off," he grunted.

"Eh?" I asked, driving around a rather large new pot hole. I would have to get the kids to help me fill it.

Charlie burped. "Edward and Bells. Rosalie just showed up with the pictures, and they ran off without saying 'good-bye'. Like two minutes ago."

"They weren't still cross, surely," I assumed. Headlights illuminated my rear view mirror, and I waved as Edward and Bella passed us and went tearing down the lane.

"Nope. Not after Bells… well." He watched the Volvo screech around the corner, a fair distance ahead of us. "Should put the radar gun on that guy. Well, not gonna chase him tonight, I'm off duty. Unless you wanna be deputy."

"No thank you. Bella and Edward?"

"Uh, everything was fine until Rose and Emmett showed up. I think they were scared I wouldn't approve of the picture. Pretty racy." He sighed melodramatically. "I thought for a minute Edward threw himself and Bella out the window, and then I realized they climbed down the tree."

"Hah. The kids love that tree. I think they use it more than the door," I said truthfully.

"Nice family. I'd have liked a big family," he said, folding his arms.

"I think you'll find that you're getting one," I told him. "You'll probably see far more of mine than you can tolerate."

"Long as they're at my house, and not my place of business," he joked, shutting his eyes. "Arresting family really sucks ass." Moments later, he was snoring loudly enough to make my teeth vibrate.

_Edward? The things I do for you, honestly!_


	8. Chapter 8: Reeling

**Chapter 8: Reeling**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Sunday, July 17****th, ****11:30 pm:**

_**The Cullen House**_

_**Charlie's pov:**_

I sat in the chair, scratched my head, and snuck an unsure look at the stairs. Carlisle had been up there for ten minutes, and there was no sign that he was coming down. I wondered if the kids were going to speak to me, or if he'd come down and tell me they wanted me gone.

"Uh, Esme, do you think that um…?" I asked hesitantly.

"They'll be down," she reassured me softly.

My eyes strayed back toward the staircase in the big living room. I couldn't help worrying. It was _awfully_ quiet up there.

"You're lucky in a son-in-law," she said. "I've never known Edward to hold a grudge. He doesn't complain about his past, and he doesn't speak unkindly. On top of that, he values family. I know that he wants your approval."

"He does?" I asked a bit wistfully. Then, my hopes crashed. "He won't any more. He must be incredibly offended. I used to think he was being controlling with Bella, but he was probably just trying to protect her. She's so independent, that she doesn't consider that some of the things she does just aren't safe for a young girl, like going places alone at night. It makes her mad when anybody warns her to be careful. Seems he's protected her better than I have from Day One. I should have known, when he pulled her out from under that van. And… the night in Port Angeles, when those men..."

"Why didn't you trust him, Charlie?" Esme asked, dropping her eyes while she stirred her cup of tea.

"She's my daughter. And I _know_ what sev-… Well, he _was_ seventeen, then. I thought he would take advantage of her because she was grateful. And, you know, Billy said a lot of mean things about your family. He and Jake's friends were always saying stuff against you, and I didn't buy it, especially since Jake defended Edward, but then… Edward left. And what could I think, but that they had been right? You didn't see Bella. She turned into a zombie. I thought maybe…" I couldn't say what I thought. Edward plainly wasn't a bad guy. "I thought he'd done something bad to her, to make her like that, because if it's one thing I know, it's that Bella was totally devoted to Edward."

"And we thought Bella had done something bad to him. Well, it's too late to cry over spilled milk. They didn't know how to communicate, and they walled themselves off from everyone, and didn't let us help."

"They're not going to take any advice from me, now," I said sadly. How much more could I have fucked up? Pulling my frickin' gun on my daughter's future husband!

"If you talk to them like adults, Charlie, they'll be more apt to listen."

I nodded slowly. I had never thought about that. I guess I hadn't been talking to either of them like they were adults. And Bells was older than her mother had been when we got married. I'd been angry at anybody who implied Renée hadn't been an adult when we eloped. And she would have been livid if anybody said it to her.

I thought I remembered what it was like to be young and in love, but maybe my views were contaminated by my history with Renée. Maybe Bells and Edward would have a very different experience.

Renée was eighteen when Bella was born, and she had left me when she was twenty-one, and I was twenty-three. And Bella would be nineteen in September, and Edward was nineteen. At least she wouldn't be telling him that he wouldn't let her be young, or have any fun. At least they were the same age. They could go to college together. They could… do the things that I had missed.

"It's hard for me to think of them as adults," I admitted. "But I guess I should."

"Yes." Esme set down her tea and picked up some knitting.

"How do you put up with all the teenagers under this roof, Esme? Aren't they hard to handle?" I wondered.

"They know our biggest rules involve safety, and being kind to others. Yes, they do bratty things at times, but I'm just glad I have them, Charlie. I was afraid I'd never be a mother. Carlisle and I had a baby, you know. David. He passed away when he was a few days old. I was twenty."

"Oh, Esme, I'm so sorry," I said, grieved.

She smiled sadly. "Yes. Well, he caught a virus, and that was that. And I'd had issues conceiving. The doctor said I couldn't have… any more."

"I never knew. That's a shame," I said, shaking my head sorrowfully.

She straightened. "In some ways. He's with God, but I sometimes daydream about how it would have been, if he had been here to grow up. I loved David. But I have six wonderful children, and I might not have had any of them, if we hadn't been inclined to adopt our three kids."

"They aren't much younger than you. Does it help you relate to them?" I wondered.

"Sometimes. They still think we're old, you know, even though we're only in our mid-thirties. But you're how old, Charlie?"

"Forty."

"That's not very old to have a grown daughter."

I rolled my eyes. "I feel old as a boot. Never figured my Bells would give me so many grey hairs. I thought I should teach her to be disciplined. I suppose… I have been too tough on her. She was used to managing herself before she moved here, because Renée was not a very involved parent. I expected her to be like her mother. I suppose I've been tough on her, because I was afraid she would be. But actually… she's more like… me."

"Yes, she is. She's a very responsible girl, Charlie, she wants to make something of herself, and she really values family."

"Yeah," I agreed, wondering if she and Edward were ever going to come down. "What's it like, having them all getting it on under your roof?"

"It's okay. They each love their partner. And they all value marriage," she said, her knitting getting longer as if by magic. How on earth could women knit so fast, and carry on a conversation at the same time? My mother used to do the same thing. Incredible.

Carlisle had told me some pretty unexpected stuff about Edward, and I was thankful that he had cleared up the past. But I still didn't think I could stomach the thought of my daughter and her intended husband having sex in the room next to me.

I winced. "I can't help hoping that Edward and Bella will behave with more decorum than Alice and Jasper." It was still distressing to think of Edward as my daughter's … lover, but I supposed I'd have to get used to it.

There was sound from above. They were coming down the stairs. My anxiety flared. I turned nervously to face them. Edward was dressed in his dark blue jeans, and black runners. No shirt. Crap, the kid was skin and bones. With some muscle, I acknowledged. But he looked drawn, as though he had recently lost weight. Why hadn't I noticed?

Bella had one of his hoodies on over her shirt. The indecently short black skirt barely showed under it, and the legs of a pair of knit black boxer briefs now peeped from beneath the skirt. Their hair was tidy and shiny. Had they bathed?

I would have to get used to it, assuming that they didn't boot my ass out.

They were holding hands, but I realized his hands were still shackled together. Oh, boy. I fingered the keys to my cuffs nervously.

"Okay, kids?" Esme murmured.

"Bella's still hungry," Edward said curtly. "Don't follow us, yet."

I cringed a little. Should I offer to take the cuffs off, or would he bite my head off?

Esme gave me a meaningful look, and then whispered, "See? He said 'yet'. Edward just doesn't know how to stay mad at anybody. I think you'll find that they're both pretty classy, Charlie."

Seemed like I had pretty seriously misjudged the kid. I still wasn't sure how much I liked him, but clearly the reasons I had for hating him were not valid. And it would mean a happy marriage for Bella if he didn't hold grudges and didn't know how to sulk. I thought of the respectful way he always spoke to me, even when I didn't really deserve it. Yeah, the kid had his head on straight. Why hadn't I forgiven him when he asked me?

I had hurt Edward. I had never treated him as well as he consistently treated me. It did not escape my notice that he had never dishonoured me in any way while I often behaved monstrously toward him. This evening, he didn't try to run, and he didn't try to fight me, and he begged me to talk. He had shouldered all my abuse without complaint. I had lost my self-control and I had terrified and humiliated him … and Bella.

He always seemed to put Bella's needs ahead of his own. I thought about the way the kid worried about Bella's safety and about her education. When he had found out in the spring that she had not applied to a single college, he had been angry with her. And yet, he had expressed his anger without raising his voice.

I nursed a fourth beer while Esme sat knitting, and listened to the kids murmur to each other in the kitchen. Although I couldn't hear what they were saying, it sounded affectionate and … comfortable. It made me feel even worse.

I thought about how Edward was concerned for Jacob, when Jacob crashed his motorbike, even though Jacob was his rival. Edward was kind to him, even though I had always rubbed Bella's attachment to Jacob in his face.

Jacob, on the other hand, encouraged Bella to do things that endangered her safety, and I had personally seen him try to provoke Edward to fight. Jacob _was_ reckless. And he was mouthy. Edward never rose to the bait. Well, it seemed that my daughter's fiancé really was a decent guy, even if his decisions weren't always wise.

I felt my eyes prick. _Crap_. The kid was more mature than me. How did that happen? And now there was a reckoning at hand. I cringed internally, but there was no use putting it off.

"Go on, Charlie," Esme mouthed, nodding toward the kitchen.

I set down my empty beer bottle, trudged toward my judges - passing a clock on the wall of the dining room- and was shocked to realize that the hour was very late. I'd have to finish this up if I wanted to make it in to work the next morning.

The space was huge, and gorgeous: sleek, and modern, all glass, burnished steel and blond wood. Edward and Bella had pulled high stools up to opposite sides of the large island. It stuck out like a sail at the end of the wall of cupboards. The dining room opened to the right. To the left, past the island, was another room with a set of floor-to-ceiling-length windows, that obviously opened, and outside there was a huge, gnarled tree. The space was probably big enough to throw a hospital fundraising gala. The house did look large from the front, and yet I was still surprised by the huge amount of space. I had no idea the Cullens were so well-off. I mean, I knew Carlisle was a surgeon, and Esme was an architect, but still…

Above the island, a single, soft light cast a golden glow over the upraised hands of my daughter and her –what did she call him? Her mate. Kids' slang was always changing, but I had to admit it seemed a suitable moniker. The rest of the kitchen was dark. They looked…beautiful, but … wrung out.

There was a white plastic cup with a lid and a straw next to Edward. I could smell whatever was in it from the doorway. My nose wrinkled at the awful odour, and I wondered what was. An empty bowl that had obviously held chocolate pudding, and half a bottle of pop, sat next to Bella. Bella was rubbing Edward's wrists where the handcuffs rested. She shot me an angry look.

His wrists were chafed. A tidal wave of guilt assaulted me.

Edward must have heard my soft step, because his head whipped around and he flinched. I hung my head and held out my hands meekly.

"It's ok, Edward, I'm not going to hurt you. As long as you promise me you won't hurt my girl, I will never be mean to you again."

His eyes glinted ochre in the light. Kid had the most unusual eyes. Sometimes they looked yellow, sometimes orange, sometimes dark ochre or black. "I will never hurt your girl sir, never. _Your girl_ means everything to me. I'm sorry I broke your trust, Chief. We didn't mean to get carried away. I didn't go against your house rules on purpose. It just… happened." He fished for words, and stopped.

I sighed. "Look, I believe you love my daughter, alright? I just find it disrespectful when kids … have sex… in the parent's house. And as you know, there are a lot of risks when two people get … intimate. Obviously, Esme and Carlisle feel different, and that's their business, but I don't like the thought of knowing you're…"

"I get it," the boy said, turning grey.

Oh, crap! I scared him again.

"Aw, kid, I shouldn't have pulled the gun, you know? I've just been so worried. I know I didn't do anything to earn your trust, but can you please talk to me from now on? If I'd known how bad you took it when you moved away, I wouldn't have been so hard on you."

"Yes, Sir," he said, looking sheepish.

"In a weird way, it's encouraging that Bella's not the only one who went off the deep end. I know you're … devoted to each other. I still don't want you getting intimate in my house, at least before you're married."

"Yes, Sir."

I pulled the key to the handcuffs out and held it up with a gesture to the boy. "I'm sorry I refused to accept you, Edward. You didn't deserve this kind of treatment." I popped open the lock, and he grunted. "I should have accepted your apology. I'm also sorry I didn't trust you, or accept your relationship. I was wrong to push Bella at Jake. I guess he's not as mature as I thought."

I removed the cuffs and Edward sighed with relief, rubbed his very red wrists, and stretched. Poor kid. It made me sigh. "I hope you will forgive me for mistreating you. It wasn't right. I promise I won't lose my temper that way again."

Bella leaned forward, looking furious. Angry tears sparkled in her eyes. "You bet you won't."

I looked at her like a deer in headlights. Where was my quiet baby girl? I suddenly remembered that I had given her a push to hold her back, and being Bella, she fell right over on her backside. Tucking my chin, I winced. "I'm sorry, Bella. I should never have pushed you. I didn't mean to knock you down."

She hugged herself, eyes blazing. "No, you shouldn't. But that's not what I'm most upset about. Charlie! What would you have done if the gun had gone off?"

I ducked my head. "I know. I lost my mind. I just thought …"

"No. You _didn't_ think," she snapped.

"You're right. I didn't think," I admitted.

"From now on, you're going to keep your gun locker in the trunk of the cruiser, and you're going to stick your gun away before you come in the house. And no more cleaning your hunting rifle when Edward comes over, either."

"Okay," I agreed. Apparently, my baby girl knew how to deal a fair consequence. She was also pretty smart when it came to accident prevention. I must have done _something_ right. All my lectures had taken root. I felt oddly cheerful, considering I was getting told off.

"If you ever lay a hand on me or my mate again, I will personally run you through my chipper-shredder."

I raised my brows, and nodded. "I'll remember that."

She still looked plenty ticked-off. "I know how to use one, you know."

"Oh, yeah, that forestry guy, when you were a kid!" I remembered, momentarily distracted.

"Yeah," she said, with a little chuckle.

"What was his name?" I frowned.

"Cyrus."

"Oh, right," I reminisced fondly. "He used to show you how he shredded the branches." I glanced at Edward, who looked a tad alarmed.

"Yep. So watch your behaviour, Charlie. Be careful what you do. Some actions have far-reaching consequences."

I gulped. At the moment, my daughter was reminding me of … me. And wasn't that my line? "I'm sorry, Bella."

"Apologize to my mate for humiliating us in front of his family."

"Sorry," I grunted, feeling my face get hot.

Edward's eyes twinkled in the dim light. "Thanks, Chief, apology accepted."

My nose wrinkled. "Edward, what is that you're drinking? It doesn't smell so hot." It occurred to me that I rarely saw him eat or drink anything.

"Oh, uh, it's a protein-based supplement. There's a lot of salt and iron in it to balance my electrolytes. My family shares a lot of severe allergies. There's not a lot I can eat. It isn't very pleasant-smelling, so I try not to have it in front of people. Sometimes I eat something in order to fit in, like pizza, but I usually pay for it later." He ducked his head, embarrassed.

Poor kid. Like he didn't have enough to worry about? Here I'd known him more than a year and a half, and I hadn't even known about his allergies. That was shameful.

The pair was looking exhausted, and I had to admit I felt pretty whipped myself.

"Well kids, I think this night has lasted long enough. I think you need some time to unwind, and I don't think my presence will be helpful. Edward, I am leaving my girl in your family's care tonight. I want you to bring her back when I get home from work tomorrow so we can make sure everything's resolved to our mutual satisfaction."

Both their jaws dropped practically to the floor.

I looked both ways to make sure nobody was eavesdropping. With people like Alice and Jasper around, one could never be too careful. "I didn't see any, you know, protection."

Bella turned red as a lobster, and blurted, "It's covered."

"Oh," I blinked. Not with a condom. When the hell had she gone on The Pill? Oh, right, they were getting married. Nice to know they were being responsible. They were hopefully planning to wait until after college to start a family.

Edward ran a nervous hand through his hair.

I hesitated briefly. "Edward…I'm an ass."

Choking back a laugh, he dropped his eyes, which then kindled to brightness. Bella watched us intently.

I explained myself. "Men in my bloodline are like that: over-protective of our wives and daughters. I think you're a little over-protective, too. That means you'll fit right in. Uh… welcome, to the family."

"Thank you, Chief," he said, blinking rapidly.

"Edward, I think it's time for you to start calling me Dad." Rolling my eyes at my own idiocy, I spread out my arms and waited.

Well, definitely, he didn't expect that. Slowly, he got down off the stool, and tentatively put his arms around me. I reached up and gave him a pat on the head, and backed out of the hug as quickly as possible, embarrassed. "I must have really scared you, you're freezing cold. Go get a sweater."

"My circulation isn't great. I get cold easily."

Oh. I blinked. I opened my mouth to ask about his health, and whether his conditions were genetic, but I decided it might not be the best moment. Bella's business, I guess… although I'd been hoping for grandkids someday. Edward shuffled uncomfortably.

"I'm uh, tired out. So, yeah, um, I'm going. You… take care of my baby."

"Yes, Sir."

"Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay. We'll be there."

"Okay. Goodnight kids."

"Night, Dad, and thanks. See you." Bella kissed me on the cheek. Whew! She wasn't mad anymore. I turned to go.

A sudden commotion disrupted the silence and I jumped out of my skin. Rosalie and Emmett had leaped from a tree branch through the open kitchen window. Beats me how the heck Rosalie got up the tree in high heels and a long, tight skirt. Maybe her boyfriend carried her.

Rosalie looked very disconcerted when she saw me standing in the kitchen. Of course, I'd never been in her kitchen before, so she _would_ be. "Oh! Charlie! What a … surprise. Fancy _you_ being here at _this _hour."

I murmelled something vaguely explanatory. Bella and Edward looked anywhere but at me.

"Well, it's good that you're here. You're just in time to see Edward and Bella's Engagement Announcement. It will be in all the area newspapers tomorrow," Rosalie beamed.

Emmett smirked and raised a brow at Edward. "Lose your shirt, stud muffin?"

"No big, Emmett," Edward shrugged, tugging at his hair.

Emmett guffawed and looked at Bella with anticipation. I frowned at him. I didn't like what he was insinuating. And he was making fun of them. Having sex was nothing to joke about.

Rosalie held out the picture to the kids. "Good, isn't it? Congrats, you look totally hawt." She looked at her … boyfriend's brother with admiration. "I didn't think you had it in you."

Emmett laughed a dirty laugh. "Nobody thought he had it in him."

Edward took the picture, and shared it with Bella. They both turned whiter than death. Dropping the photo, Edward snagged Bella around the waist and ran to the windows. He opened one and dragged Bella out of it. I shouted inadvertently. My baby! He killed my baby! And himself! I raced over to the window, panting, and realized that he hadn't jumped. They had climbed down the big gnarly tree outside. Alice was standing under the tree, and the three of them seemed to be having an argument.

I turned back, feeling a little ill, in time to see Esme hold up another beer for me. "Drink it," she ordered. "You'll feel better."

"Um … right," I said, and took a big swig.

"Honestly," Rosalie tsk-ed, retrieving the black and white photo from the floor. "I wish they'd get done with being virgins. They're _soooo_ emo. _What_ is the _matter_ with them?"

"Dunno," I muttered, shaking my head. My heart stopped banging against my chest. My baby was fine. Her young man was taking care of her. He hadn't flung her to her death. He hadn't hurt her, and he certainly wouldn't have killed her and himself in shame. Nah, totally out of character.

"Angst, Baby," Emmett growled, giving his girl the once-over. "They're gonna explode if they don't do it soon."

Then, my slightly-foggy brain absorbed what the pair had said: virgins. So, Bella and Edward hadn't been sneaking around my back after all. Feeling better than I had all evening, in fact, all year, I took the picture Rosalie handed me and scanned it briefly. Then I did a double take. Virgin or no virgin, maybe I should have used my gun.

I started to splutter before I could even put together a coherent thought. "What the hell?"

In the picture, _my daughter _was kneeling on all fours in high, dried-out grass, and her tits were barely covered by a tight, short, black lacy dress that I would never have permitted her to wear out in public. But even worse, Edward was kneeling behind her, pulling her close with one arm. Their expressions were sultry and … intense. It looked for all the world like they were fucking.

Emmett Cullen put his arm around me, smiling proudly at the photo. "Just look at all that angst. When the Bimbo pops her ch-"

"Em, I wouldn't finish that sentence," Esme said solemnly, joining us.

Emmett slapped my shoulder and crossed to put his arm around Rose.

Esme went to the fridge and got out a Vitamin-R. "So how was it, Rose, will the Announcement go in tomorrow? I want to put the link to it on my Facebook."

What! Oh, no. No way, José.

"It was easy. Be in all the major papers tomorrow, plus the locals," Rosalie said happily. I saw red.

"Over my dead body," I growled.

"Charlie, what's wrong! You're all purple," Esme said, alarmed.

"Esme! Have you seen this picture?" I gasped.

"Well, I know it's a little… romantic, Charlie, but I think it's lovely. Different. Not often you see the girl leaning on her future husband's back. Alice is such a good photographer."

"Alice took this?" I asked, reeling.

"Yes," she said, nonplussed.

"I think you've been misinformed," I told her quietly. "In this photo, she is not behind him."

"Oh," Esme said, looking confused. "Did you go with the other picture, Rose? The one where they're both standing on the rope swing?" She beamed. "I really liked that one."

"Nope. Alice said we should use this one. Isn't it hawt?" Rosalie beamed. I turned livid eyes on her. In an instant, any residual anger I had at my kids evaporated. They were going to be so humiliated.

"It. Is. Not. Hot. It is pornographic," I seethed.

"Pornographic?" Esme asked in alarm. She gave Rosalie a panicky look. "Rosalie Lillian Hale! You didn't!" She snatched the photo out of my hands and gaped at it, her mouth working like an expiring trout's.

Rosalie looked at her foster mother with disarmingly wide-eyed innocence. "Alice said it had to be this one. She said the kids would stop bullying Edward if they saw it, and that people like Mike and Jessica and Jacob would stop trying to come between Edward and Bella. We just wanted their lives to be happy."

"Alice!" Esme roared.

Boy, I wouldn't want to be in Alice Cullen's shoes tonight. Or was it Alice Hale? Wait! Bullying? Were those kids from the Rez bothering Edward again? I thought that was long-since settled. I had to talk to my future son. This had to stop.

Esme's daughter came through the entryway from the living room. "Yes, Esme?" she asked innocently.

"What were you thinking, putting this picture in the paper?" she asked, waving it angrily. "It looks like Bella and Edward are having sex."

Alice shrank into herself. "I just really liked that one, and I thought it would do their reputations some good. Everybody used to think he was gay. Anyway, I never thought that they might be embarrassed. Jasper and I wouldn't be. But Edward and Bella totally are. They're both furious with me. They both just royally told me off." Her whole body trembled with upset.

"They were right to," Esme declared.

"What if they won't forgive me?" Alice whimpered.

Esme sighed. "Luckily for you, we're talking about Edward and Bella. Give them some time to cool down. This is the straw that broke the camel's back. They've had a difficult night."

All eyes were on me. I squirmed a little.

"Is that why Charlie's here?" Emmett asked.

"You bet. He pulled his- " Alice grinned.

"Alice! Stop talking this instant, or you're grounded for life!" Esme said hotly.

Emmett raised an eyebrow at Alice, and she winked at him. I guessed there would be no secrets in the family. Dammit.

"Where are they?" Esme demanded.

"Um, they were talking to Jasper. They said they were thinking about going to a hotel for the night so they could get away from everyone. They need this bag." Alice held up a small black duffel.

"You and I will be having a serious chat tonight, young lady," Esme warned, taking the bag. "Please excuse me, Charlie, I'm going to talk to them."

"Okay, Esme. I think I'm gonna go home. You can handle it, right?"

"No problem, Charlie. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Yep."

Esme opened a door on the back side of the house, and I realized it was a connecting door to the garage. She shut it behind her with a click.

"Goodnight, Charlie. Sorry for the trouble," Alice said mournfully.

I sighed. She was so cute, it was hard to stay mad at her. I nodded and grunted, and headed out the front door. I wondered if I ought to be driving after all that beer. Well, I wasn't staying at their house overnight. Hopefully the roads would be barren. I'd just go slow.

Jeez, where were my keys? Ah. There. Now, which one started the cruiser again? I peered at my key ring under the porch light, frowning. How irritating. I should have searched for the key inside, in the light.

There was a soft tread at the foot of the porch, and I looked up to find Carlisle. Wow, the world was spinning a little. Weird. I only had five beers, didn't I?

"Charlie?" he asked warily.

"Yeah, hello, Carlisle. Esme's a nice woman. We had a long chat. She gave me another beer. You're son's a good boy. He forgives me. And my baby girl, too, yessiree."

"How many beers have you had, Charlie?" he wanted to know.

I thought about it. The Raniers had hit me hard. Must be the stress. "Five, maybe, I dunno." Why did everything seem so blurry? Oh, I was drunk. On five beers! The guys would laugh at me if they knew.

"Why don't you let me drive you home?"

I had to agree that that sounded like a good idea. Great man, Carlisle Cullen. Maybe we could get to be friends. After a bit of discussion, I gave him my keys.

Family! This is what it's all about: taking care of each other.


	9. Chapter 9: Pixie Chick

**I'm taking you on another little detour here, in response to some requests. So, we'll be moving ahead in time, and then in the next chapter, we'll go back to the moment when we left Edward and Bella. You'll have to be patient for them a wee bit longer.**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter 9: Pixie Chick**

**Monday, July 18****th****, 2005, 1:30 am:**

_**The Cullen House**_

_**Alice's pov:**_

"_Vamps just wanna have fu-un._ _That's all we really wa-a-a-a-a-a-ant_!" I sang, tapping away on the keyboard and zipping in the credit card information. Esme walked up behind me and stood, glaring. I spared her a glance, and returned to my task. "It's going to be peachy, Esme."

"Explain yourself," she growled.

"Just let me finish booking this trip," I said cheerfully.

"Trip! You are _grounded_, young lady! You and Jasper, both!"

I stuck my nose in the air. Young lady indeed! "If you ground us, we won't be able to finish what we started, and our efforts will all come to nothing. Carlisle is sanctioning this, so please don't interrupt while I book the minibus. I only have three-and-a-half minutes to do it, or it's going to be rented to somebody else, and then I'll have a really hard time getting Bella and Edward's friends to Canada."

"Canada! Carlisle! Friends? Minibus? Sanctioning _what_!" Esme spluttered.

"We're on a mission to get B-squared laid," Jasper drawled, sauntering downstairs. He looked good enough to eat, and that's exactly what I would be doing in 36 minutes. I hit 'confirm' and put my hands over my ears.

"B-squared?" she frowned.

"Bee times Bimbo equals B-squared," my mate informed her calmly.

"What!" Esme shrieked.

I took my hands off my ears. "There! All set," I sang, evacuating the computer chair. I skipped down to the red sectional sofa, dragged Jasper onto it, and sat on his lap. Somebody was very glad to see me. Either that, or he had a gun in his pocket.

"Talk," Esme demanded, hands on her hips.

"If we annoy Bella and Edward enough, they're going to decide they need a little stress release," I smiled.

Esme kinda squeaked. Even though I had _Seen_ it coming, it was still highly enjoyable. I giggled, and Jasper watched me, eyes aglow. This was the most fun we had had in ages.

"Are you telling me they're going to consummate their bond tonight?" Esme asked weakly, sitting at the opposite end of the sectional. She looked into space with a stunned expression, and then blushed silver.

I was really loving knocking our Dom and Dona off their pins. It wasn't very often that they couldn't instantly process information and present A Plan. And it wasn't often that we got our parents flustered. Mad, yes. Embarrassed, no. I mean, the two of them are kinky, and they're cool as cucumbers about it. There's not much they don't know, and there's not much they haven't tried. Inside the confines of monogamy, of course. I felt my grin stretch from ear to ear, and Jazz watched me appreciatively.

"No," I said. "They've got some practicing to do before they can consummate their bond. But they're crossing Edward's carefully-drawn lines. It's naked time."

Esme gasped.

"Naked time?" Emmett frowned, towing Rose out of the kitchen.

"Yep."

"I don't believe you," he frowned. "The Bimbo's way too tight-assed."

"Swears jar, Emmett!" Esme growled.

"Don't bother yet, Em. Wait to see how big of a tab you run up," I advised. He scowled at me and dropped twenty dollars in the jar. "That won't be enough to cover it," I told him. "You'd better prepare yourself to say 'good-bye' to the… constricted sphincter."

"Fuck!" Em said, eyes round as dinner plates.

"Emmett! Alice!" Esme snapped, annoyed.

"What, come on, I didn't swear," I shrugged.

"You used a euphemism. It means the same thing, and everyone _thought_ the words you meant to say."

"Doesn't count," I sniffed.

"That's like punishing us for saying 'boobs' instead of 'tits'," Em defended me.

Esme opted to ignore that. "What makes you think they're going to forgive you for humiliating them in front of Charlie? Seriously! Normal siblings close ranks in front of outsiders!"

I blinked sadly. "Charlie shouldn't be an outsider, Esme. He's Bella's Dad."

"What happened tonight?" Sitting down, Em patted the cushion next to him, and Rose sat, too, fixing concerned eyes on me.

In response, I held up a glossy 5"X7". I had been careful to put a 'censored' sticker over Bella's cooch. Emmett didn't need to see that.

"Alice!" Esme howled, moving to snatch the photo, but Emmett's reach was longer.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed. He and Rose almost put their noses on the photo, and gawped. Hilarious.

"You guys missed a great show," I reminisced fondly.

"Literally," Rosalie blinked.

"She wasn't wearing any underwear," Jasper chuckled.

"Jasper Whitlock Hale!" Esme yelled. "No more of that!"

"Yes'm."

"Did he check her oil? His hands are… ew," Rose frowned, nose crinkling.

"No fucking way," Emmett scoffed.

"Emmett!"

I beamed. "Yes w-"

A white fog enveloped my senses, and I braced for the vision:

_Blood is everywhere. He wraps his hand lovingly around the top of her head, stroking her pale temples with the back of his fingers. "Sweetheart? Can you hear me? My venom is in you. Embrace it, dear heart. Don't hide away. Be brave, and before you know it all will be well. You'll be with me and Renesmee forever." _

The fog lifted. "-way," I finished numbly.

"Lissy! What did you _See_?" Jasper demanded.

I shook my head slowly. "It's the closest I've ever _Seen_ to the moment when he bites her."

"Edward's going to bite Bella! A month before the wedding! See what you've done!" Esme screeched. "Oh my Golly! We've invited the Volturi! What are we going to tell Aro?"

Who the hell is Renesmee? "No, no, it's not yet. She's a little older. Maybe six months?" I murmured. I focused on the group, and assembled my thoughts. "It's not going to be easy. She's lost weight, her legs are like sticks, and she's lying on an operating table of some kind. There's blood all over the place. He's covered in it."

My family exchanged worried looks. Couldn't they understand that this was a good thing? Edward would not have to make the decision to change a healthy girl. His venom would save her from certain death. It would be far easier on him morally.

I shook my head affectionately. "The first time I ever _Saw_ Bella, I _Saw_ her as one of us. I had the vision of her as a vampire twice: once on the morning that he first saw her, and again when I met him at home just after he ran out of school. The second vision followed directly after that. You see, the moment that he saw her, he had firmly decided. He wanted her, and he was planning to change her right away."

Everybody gasped.

Emmett nodded. "Makes sense. He was so happy when he found her."

"Totally confident that she was for him," Jazzy confirmed. "What happened to change his mind, Lissy? He never would say."

"You know that he smelled her, and reacted intensely to her blood. I met him at home, and he was hysterical. Heartbroken. I showed him the vision of her as a vampire, and he got all peaceful, but then, I _Saw_ him palpating her chest and ordering her not to leave him. It's the reason he spruced off to Alaska. He assumed that he would take too much blood from her, and she would die."

"And so began an entire year of anguish, insecurity and chaos," Jazz supplied.

"They are together despite everything," Esme murmured.

"He always wanted her, and he honestly thought he'd be the instrument of her death," Em said sorrowfully.

"So… she was always meant to be one of us," Rose said, finally understanding the truth.

I nodded. "The vision I just had comes from the same time as the scary one, only this time Edward's not frantic. Obviously, he will have been upset by whatever events precede the bite, but in this vision he's very calm and loving, telling her to embrace the venom so she can be with him forever. It's the closest I've ever been to _Seeing_ the whole thing."

"The gaps are filling in," Jazz smiled.

"Yes. It's not so far away. Within the calendar year, for sure," I said, excitement growing. "They're both going to get everything they ever wanted."

"Are you going to _Show _it to him, Alice?" Esme asked softly.

"I'll have to see how the wind blows."

"Got the trip booked, Jellicle?" Jazz smirked.

"Yep. I just have to phone the humans in the morning."

"Trip?" Emmett asked, trying his best to keep up.

"Jazzy and I are towing a bunch of Edward and Bella's friends to Niagara Falls. It's going to drive them right into bed," I beamed.

Esme squeaked.

I ignored her. "Wanna come?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world. Rose?" Em smiled.

"You're telling me we're going to hang around and embarrass them while they get in their groove?" Rosalie asked, stunned.

"Yep."

"Oh, boy, I'm in," she declared.

Em's face turned sober. "I still don't believe the bluenose is going to let down his walls."

Jazzy cackled. "He already has."

Em raised a questioning brow.

"You should have seen his underwear!" Jazz howled.

I joined in. I loved Edward, but he had always been so tightly wound up, and judgmental about our sex lives. He was about to discover everything he had missed out on about being male, and some of the looks on his face were going to be priceless. Nobody could possibly be as funny as discombobulated Edward. And the great thing was, he would embrace adulthood, and a lot of formerly embarrassing things wouldn't bother him anymore. And Bella was going to blossom, too. I couldn't wait to see it.

"Jasper!" Esme warned. We ignored her. I mean, we love her, but _come on_.

"You mean he had a wet spot again?" Em asked, perplexed.

"Emmett!" Esme fumed.

"Understatement. Totally jizzed." My mate hugged me and giggled into my neck.

"Jas-per!" Esme barked.

"Fuck me sideways!"

"Emmett! Wait 'til your Dad-"

"Charlie blew his top," I grinned. "He almost shot Edward."

"Holy freakin' wads of cum!"

Esme could hardly work out a squeak for that one.

"How do you know you're not going to push him into a Nap?" Em fretted.

Esme stopped seething and looked at me worriedly.

I shook my head. "He's going to have to climax one hell of a lot of times to get a Nap."

"Alice, language!" Esme remonstrated numbly. I stuck a dollar bill in the swears jar.

"Well, he is," I protested.

"He's a long way off from a Nap, then. Poor bastard stopped whacking off at least a year ago," Em shrugged.

"Swears jar!" Esme howled.

Emmett waved another twenty and stuck it in the jar. "Credit."

"Aargh!" Esme growled, rolling her eyes.

"No, he's back at it," Jazz revealed. "He's just real sneaky."

"TMI," Rose said.

"Yeah, and they dry-hump, too," I added.

"Have you people had enough fun gossiping about your brother?" Esme roared. The front door opened, and Carlisle came in, surprise etched on his face.

"What in perdition is going on?" he wondered, looking from face to face.

"They're all gossiping about Edward and Bella," Esme wailed. "They're talking about the state of their clothing, and Charlie pulling his gun, and how they're going to get naked, and how many climaxes it will take him to Nap, and whether he jerks off and-"

"Swears jar!" all of us yelled.

"Aargh! Bill Clinton!" our mother bellowed.

I love it when she swears by the presidents.


	10. Chapter 10: Escape

**Chapter 10: Escape**

**I will be submitting a future-take from 'I Hunger' for the Fandom for Leukemia and Lymphoma, featuring Carlisle visiting Edward's coven in the Amazon. Please support this excellent cause. The compilation will be available in September.**

**Fandom4LLS(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**I'm putting up a picture album for this story on my Facebook. Sadly, there are no manips yet of the infamous photographs. Anybody want to take a crack at it?**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Monday, July 18****th****, 2005, 1:20 am:**

_**The Cullen House:**_

_**Bella's pov:**_

The photograph was mortifying. Why did vampire reflexes have to be so good? I mean, I fell over, right? And Edward stopped me from falling, although I caught myself on my hands. And Alice managed to snap the photo at the exact moment that made it look like we were Doing It doggy-style. Oh. My. Edward.

The worst part was, I had to admit that the picture was really, really hawt. It put ideas in my head. Like I didn't have enough ideas already! If my mate knew what a dirty mind I was developing, he would be shocked out of his Victorian gourd. Holy crow. Murdering my best girlfriend for corrupting my mind would be totally justifiable, right?

Although I looked a little apprehensive in it, my expression would look like desire to the average Joe. And I was wearing a dress with less than a yard of fabric in it. Even better, my boobs were practically hanging out. And Edward, looking protective, was definitely smouldering. Well, okay, my eyes were smouldering, too. I dare anyone not to get turned on by Edward in a black Armani Suit. He looks edible enough to begin with, and feeling his lithe muscle through dress clothes? Swoon.

Yeah, he complained _a lot_ about the poses Alice had put us in. He claimed there were no less than seven sexual positions involved, and the pictures would come to haunt us. And I, being an idiot, had made light of his worry. Why? He worries way too much. So sometimes, I don't take him as seriously as I should, especially on moral issues. I want him to get with the Twenty-First Century, right?

This time, he was right, I was wrong, and I was not looking forward to admitting it. I had to concede that it might be a good idea to start validating Edward's concerns more. Under _certain_ circumstances, like this one. Because my father was about to see the picture, and in the morning, every letch living anywhere near the Olympic Peninsula was going to be ogling us. Like we didn't have enough to worry about!

After trying for eighteen months to train him out of over-thinking everything, I was in serious danger of falling into the same trap. Could OCD be contagious? Well, most vampires have an OCD, so I might as well try to get one that matched his. Wouldn't that drive his family crazy!

That would be freaking awesome.

Edward dropped the picture like it was a burning coal, slung me onto his back, and leapt nimbly out the kitchen window and down the tree. Alice was leaning casually against the house, holding out one of my bras in one hand and a t-shirt for Edward in the other.

"Gah!" I yelled in shock. Edward shushed me and gave me a consoling pat as he put me down. I was _not_ consoled.

I snatched the bra. "So where's my underwear? You couldn't have brought _that_, too?"

"I don't think so, girlfriend. You can make do with Edward's for now. You won't be needing underwear this week," she smirked.

"Alice," Edward snarled, pulling his t-shirt down over his head, and glowered at his sister as though he'd like to turn her inside out. "_Boy! _You _knew_ all that was going to happen, and you spruced off on me. I'm totally jiggered. _Wh_y, Alice?"

I folded my arms, bra dangling, and glared at my Maid of Honour. Hopefully somebody would explain Edward's antiquated slang to me someday, but I thought I got the gist of it.

"You two are often MIA when duty calls."

Edward pinched his eyes shut. "We're worn out, Titch. Nobody ever leaves us alone. We need a break."

"You're going on a honeymoon. I recommend that you lie around for a month. Pull up a nice snowdrift in Antarctica."

Edward's fists flexed. "I am not taking Bella to Antarctica. Stop messing with her head. And as for your recommendation, we can't wait that long. We need quiet time _now_!"

"Oh calm down, will you?" Alice stopped frowning and gave us an appraising look. "You just need some… stress release."

Both of us actually growled. Alice didn't so much as flinch. She must have _Seen_ that we had a soft spot for pixies, however annoying they might be. Dammit.

"What exactly do you think we were doing before Charlie showed up?" my mate demanded shrilly.

"Exactly. There you go!" Alice said, waving her arm. We gaped at her.

"Charlie scared the crap out of us!" Edward looked dangerously close to a meltdown, and I had his back. I would gladly push the button once Alice was loaded in the chipper-shredder. "Don't you think you could have warned us he was coming?"

Alice looked at Edward in pity and patted his arm. "This was the best way to handle it, really. Trust me. Charlie will adjust and everything will be duck soup from now on. Look how much more kindly disposed he was to you just now."

Edward was not placated. "_Yes_, until _Rosalie_ showed him that picture. _How _could you have picked that photo to display publicly? It's practically pornographic. Are you a sappy date? Charlie is going to have my balls!"

Alice remained calm. "I told you, it will be _fine_. Everything that happened tonight is win. Charlie's going to think about how fast you two disappeared, and he's going to feel guilty about it. I am going to go in there and admit _mea culpa _for the Announcement, and you two will be off the hook. And you two have him right where you want him: he's prepared to treat you like adults, he has a lot more respect for Esme and Carlisle, and he might actually start saying more than twenty words a day."

Edward sighed and pinched between his eyes. "Couldn't you have picked something a little less risqué to put in the papers? Like folks around here don't get an earful about us enough! Like the males of the species don't ogle Bella enough! What was the idea?"

"I just thought some of the Romeos who chase Bella could use a reminder that she belongs to you," Alice shrugged.

"You're just trying to appeal to my dom tendencies, and you know what? Your excuse is a load of bull. You should stop trying to think like a male, because you totally don't understand us. _I _don't think that photo is going to convince Bella's admirers to leave her alone at all. More likely, they will crop _me_ out of the picture and pin it up in their rooms."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Whatever. It was a dilly of a picture. I couldn't resist. So sue me."

"Speaking of a dilly of a picture, what in the name of all that is holy do you think you're going to do with the ones you took tonight?"

"Oh, they're just to prove to Rose and Emmett that I wasn't making all this up. I'll delete them after that."

"Fuck." I had never heard Edward use the F-word before. He was pinching his eyes shut again. I glared at Alice for upsetting my mate like that!

"We all _love_ you both, c'mon," she pleaded. "We're just glad you aren't a repressed stalker anymore."

"Thanks very much, Alice. Just you wait 'til I've got something juicy on you. I will get you for this. Oh, and _speaking_ of 'getting' something, I can't _believe_ you and Jasper! Doing the horizontal mambo while Carlisle was trying to settle Charlie down? If you _ever_ send me mental pictures like that again, I am going to turn you both inside out! And you put the idea of Dommes and Subs in Charlie's head. He's probably scarred for life. You are a bloody pair of meddling voyeurs."

'It takes one to know one," Alice growled. She hesitated, looking a little bit contrite. "Maybe it was a little over-the-top, but you hurt my feelings when you sneered at my advice. Besides, Jazz and I had to do something to get Carlisle back for sending us to our room. We missed too much fun. And we weren't exactly horizontal. More diagonal. You know, Jasper's really flexible."

"TMI, sister! I don't buy it that your feelings were hurt. I don't know what you're up to, but I _know_ you and Jasper are cooking up something. I wish you'd stop trying to direct my sex life. I can manage on my own. It's private. Stick with directing Jasper's."

"The trouble is, your sex life has been a little too, um, _private_, for far too long."

Really? I evaluated him surreptitiously. So he did polish the rod. My lady parts started to twitch. Luckily, he was too preoccupied with Alice to notice.

Edward rolled his eyes, and put his hands on his hips. "Butt out!"

Alice beamed. "Ooh, Bella, speaking of butts-"

"Finish that sentence and I will make sure you and Jasper do not _have _a sex life for a very long time!" Edward warned, looking lethal.

With a rush of wind, the bad boy Texan materialized at my side. I flinched. "Did somebody mention directing my sex life?" he asked in his round baritone. Jasper was wearing a black 'Bite Me' t-shirt along with a studded black leather dog collar, leash, and wrist bands. He had a silver chain-link dog leash threaded through his black skinny jeans like a belt, and steel-toed black cowboy boots with silver spurs on them. He looked more dangerous than ever. I backed up a little and he smirked at me.

Edward's eyes narrowed. "You butt out, too. You're going to scare Bella out of marrying me. What are you up to, Jasper Hale?"

"There were no secrets in the family before Bella came along. I just think she should be granted the same status as the rest of the Cullen-Hale Clan. She'll be less easy to scare, soon, and more durable. You'll be perfectly matched, and then you can-"

"There were _plenty _of secrets in the family before Bella joined. People just didn't try to goad us by flaunting their behaviour. Don't try to change the subject. The evening didn't go so well thanks to Charlie. He should be really happy about that, but-"

"What do you mean, 'it didn't go so well'? You were amazing." Alice beamed at her brother.

"_Hey, _Bimbo, we provided a distraction." Jasper hooked his thumbs through his belt and leaned on the tree.

"Yeah, now Charlie thinks our parents are permissive flower children. Great improvement! Besides, you didn't need to provide a distraction. You could have used your influence to calm Charlie down earlier, and instead you let us experience the evening from Hell."

"By the time I saw Charlie, he had himself well under control. There was more chance that I'd make things worse if I intervened. Our idea was far more fun." Jazz turned away from Edward and gave Alice the eye. She looked up at him coyly. They were usually so reserved with each other in public that I was a little taken aback, "And, I was preoccupied. You can't find fault with me for that, Bimbo. You wouldn't be in this situation had _you_ not been preoccupied. That was hysterical. Did-ja have fun on Second Base, children?" He regarded us seriously with his head crooked slightly. Like we were going to answer that?

Edward's eyes rolled. "Oh yeah, a loaded gun in proximity to Bella was _fun_."

"Are you referring to your gun or Charlie's?" Alice teased, making Jasper snicker.

Edward was getting angrier. "Oh, you're so amusing! Carlisle said a gun going off against my temple would have created a really big permanent gap in my mental functioning."

Alice clicked her tongue. "You and Bella were never in any danger, Edward. I _Saw_ that hours ago. Otherwise, I would have intervened before you got too carried away. I wouldn't want to lose my baby sister or brother. But Charlie had to stop you before you went too far. There was a ten percent chance that you would have hurt Bella, and a three percent chance that she would have been badly hurt enough that the wedding would have had to be cancelled."

"Jeez Louise!" Edward sighed, pinching his eyes shut again. He must have developed a headache.

"You need to practice. I can help you with that, Bella," Alice offered sincerely.

"NO!" Edward and I both yelped.

"I do not need help with that, okay?" I snarled, my eyeballs boring into hers.

"I think you do. You both have to be brave and express yourselves. You're both so scared to lose your partner's respect that you're not letting each other in."

"That's not true!" we both snapped.

"Yes, it is. You are both keeping your desires under wraps," Jasper declared. "One of you is soon going to have a nervous breakdown."

Edward and I stared at each other. There was a lion in there waiting to come out! I bet he was caging one up, too.

"I couldn't resist giving you the opportunity to cut yourselves loose from all that angst," Alice revealed solemnly.

I broke out of my trance, temper flaring. "Alice! _Please_ don't say the word 'cut' around me! At least until I'm like you. There's been enough stress without any mention of cuts. Tonight, you let us jump in the ocean with a Great White. You promised me that you wouldn't go overboard," I pouted, "Then, you stacked the odds and let us get into trouble. In case you don't understand, let me tell you, that the evening was really scary and highly embarrassing, and we are _not_ looking forward to seeing that photo in the paper. We're going to be all over Jessica's blog. Her mother and Mrs Bellows will spread the news across the western seaboard. And, lord, I can hardly wait to hear from Tanya. Give me a good reason why Edward and I shouldn't run off to Vegas _right_ now."

Alice gave me the puppy-dog eyes. "Because you love me, you're eager for the wedding, and all of this will look silly tomorrow." She turned to my mate. "Now why don't you take Bella someplace nice, Edward, and let her get some sleep. After Rose and I talk to Charlie he won't be mad at you anymore, and then he'll be restless until you patch things up. You should call him first thing in the morning."

With that, Alice hopped daintily up the tree and through the window. Edward and I stared after her in a state of numb disbelief.

"It's a good thing she's cute," Edward muttered.

"Oh, _yeah_. It is, for sure. Have a good night, Miss Bella. A really _gooood _night." With that, Jasper swung himself lithely up the tree and through the window, and was gone.

Edward took my hand wordlessly, and led me around the outside of the house, to the garage. He unlocked the Vanquish and opened the passenger side door for me.

"They weren't watching when we, uh…were they?" I breathed.

Just then, Esme quietly came in through the kitchen door, shutting it softly behind her. "Everything's okay," she reassured us, smiling softly. "Here's an overnight bag for you, Bella. There are toothbrushes and some supplies, pyjamas and fresh clothes for both of you. Alice packed this for you earlier today. Oh, and she put your passports in here, too. She seems to think you'll need them. Here's your purse."

"How'd you get my wallet?" Edward asked tightly, giving his mother a disapproving look. I wondered what was going through her head.

"Alice fetched your things from Bella's house while we were all occupied with Charlie."

My mate nodded curtly, and put it in his pocket.

I took the bag with a murmur of thanks, blushing, and hid my bra in it. I hugged Esme and got in the car. I was going to _kill _the interfering pixie. Somehow. It might take me a while to get my revenge, but get it I would. Grr.

Edward backed the Vanquish out of the garage and took off down the drive like a fire was lit underneath us. He looked stony. We passed, of all things, Carlisle driving Charlie's cruiser. I saluted in response to his wave, consumed with my thoughts. In no time at all, we were booting down the I-5 South at a couple of hundred miles an hour. It didn't occur to me to protest the speed. The faster we went, the farther away I would be from the source of our humiliation. But what would happen next? How was I going to get Edward out of his funk? Perhaps distraction would work.

"Edward? I don't understand why Alice uses a lot of the same slang that you do. If she has no memory of her human life, how could she know early Twentieth Century slang?"

"Are you trying to distract me?"

"Yes," I admitted, cringing a little.

He sighed. "It's not working. You are _terrible_ at creating distractions, just so you know." He paused. "The myna bird picked it up from me. She wishes she could remember something pleasant from her human life, see? It makes her feel better. It makes her feel like she has roots."

Yeah, he was in a black temper. He wasn't looking at me, which was never a good sign, and he wasn't touching me, either. At least I knew it wasn't my fault. I decided to stop talking, and try to give him some space.

I felt a smidge of pity for Alice. Not more than a smidge. I was still fantasizing about pushing her into a chipper-shredder.

Edward drove, consumed by his thoughts, and I didn't know quite how to break the silence. I was starting to worry that he would stay in his funk all night, and that would be a real waste of couple-alone-time. Eventually, I decided to try to pry his feelings out of him.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I asked gently.

He sighed through his nose, eyes on the road, and leaned back in the chair a bit, taking his right hand off the steering wheel. He reached for my hand, and held it on his knee. He still wasn't looking at me.

"I'm … mad."

"No guff."

His thumb caressed the top of my hand comfortingly. I watched him struggle with that Victorian gentleman in his head.

"You can tell me what's-"

He took his hand back and tapped out a complicated rhythm on the steering wheel. "I want to break something into tiny little pieces."

"Okay," I told him. I wondered if he would let me help.

"No. Not productive," he sighed. "I…" He took my hand back, and played with my fingers.

"Are you… frustrated?" I coaxed.

The world spun and the next thing I knew he was out of the car, which was neatly parked at the side of the road. Crashes to my right, inside the forest, indicated that he had indeed found something expendable to bash to smithereens. I opted to stay put. The dragon was out of its cage.

I thought I heard the occasional curse word.

After several minutes, he got back in the car, fuming, and sat with both hands on the wheel, flexing his wrists so that his fingers rubbed circles around it. The wheel was in serious danger of being damaged. That _proved_ he was well-beyond frustrated. He loved the Vanquish.

"Do you want me to prattle on about something meaningless?" I offered tentatively.

"No," he pouted.

I waited quietly.

Finally, he blew out his breath and banged his head back against the seat, his eyes shut tight. "_Yes_, I'm frustrated. I'm so bloody frustrated that I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't even know what I _should_ want anymore. I've tried to be a gentleman from Day One, and look where it's gotten us! There are going to be people all over the planet looking at that photo. Everybody we know –the Volturi, the Denalis, our friends and family, our petty enemies, strangers- _everybody_ is going to see it. And just wait 'til Rose lets the other ones out. I know she will! And Alice thinks they're going to be destroyed? Hah! And here, you didn't want to get married in case somebody thought I knocked you up, and now this? People are going to _decimate_ our privacy. And meanwhile, we're going to be clinging to proper behaviour? It's too late. I don't want to pretend anymore."

"What are you saying?" I asked weakly, feeling faint.

He brought his palm down like he was going to smack it on the steering wheel, and stopped himself at the last instant, sparing the life of the Vanquish. He was so wound up that it made the back of my neck prickle.

"Breathe, Bella," he said, white to the lips. And he had just fed. I started to hyperventilate. He finally looked at me, totally confused. "What on earth are you thinking?"

"Are you calling the wedding off?" I wheezed.

"No! God, no! Don't be ridiculous." He turned totally grey, and I watched him like a mouse in front of a snake.

I mastered my breathing while he calmed himself.

"I'm tired…" he began, "oh, I don't know how to say this."

"You can say anything to me," I promised.

His hands twisted on the wheel, feeling its smoothness. "I'm tired of being proper."

"Really?" I squealed. _Happy happy joy joy!_

"Fuck, yeah! Oh my god I just swore in front of a lady. Ohhh _and_ I took God's name in vain. My sainted mother is rolling in her grave. I'm so sor-"

"Shut up and kiss me."

"No."

"Why the hell not?"

He pinched his eyes shut, long right leg stretched out, left bent. "I'm too out of control. My nerves are shot. Don't touch me! If you touch me right now we will not be getting married in 26 days, you will be somewhere remote, in the Far North, feeding on elk. And in that circumstance, neither one of us will be getting any 'stress release' as Alice terms it, for several days. That would probably kill me. The meddling little witch! Why are they always watching? They know we're shy. I know they love us, but holy crow! They watch, and they get smug, and they praise me for things that are none of their business, and they tease. Rosalie is snarky, Jasper laughs at me, even Carlisle does, and Emmett's always calling me a blue-nosed prude. And the truth is that it's not my nose that's blue, it's my balls!"

"Really?" I beamed. This was beyond exciting. This was a break-through. Edward looked at me, his eyes round as dinner plates, and disconcertingly brown.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph," he whimpered, pinching his eyes shut.

"So… are you thinking you want to … finish what we started?" I asked, a little afraid of the answer.

"I don't know. I wanted to get married first," he sighed, dropping his hand.

I thought it through. "If we … do it, will you regret it?"

He took quite a few minutes to answer. "In some ways, yes."

"Important ways?"

He looked so uncertain. "Yes."

"And if we wait, will you have any regrets about that?"

"Emotionally, no. Physically, yes. You?"

"The same. Edward? I want my wedding."

He bit his lips, then licked them. "Me, too."

"The choice seems obvious, then, doesn't it?" I asked softly.

He shifted away from me, his frustration obvious. "We wait."

"And we… practice."

He groaned. "Jeez, Bella! Don't bring that up now! You have no sense of self-preservation."

He sat still, trying to get a grip on his emotions. I could practically feel angst radiating off of him. After a while, I decided that whatever he was telling himself wasn't working. At all. Because, aside from the fact that he had his head in his hand, his legs crossed toward his door, his entire body turned away from me, grey skin, and he wasn't talking, something was trying to make its presence known.

"Why do you repress yourself?" I murmured, feeling sad for the seventeen-year-old boy who was stifled by the Victorian.

"I'm not repressed! Repressed people don't feel the things they ought to. They're apathetic. I feel plenty! I am _trying_ not to hurt you, Bella!"

"You have never hurt me. May I touch?"

He didn't answer. I decided to take a risk. If he made any sudden moves, I'd rip off my bracelet and spill the beads, and see if he was one of those vampires who found that distracting. After all, it had worked for me with other males who got aggressive.

Resting my cheek on the back of his shoulder, I reached around him super-slowly and ran my first two fingers over his crotch, whispering, "Hello, Ginchy."

My mate yelped, and I jumped out of my skin. Then it occurred to me that there was something warmish and wet on my hand. _Holy cow I have Edward's cum in my hand._ _Now what do I do? Touch it again, you moron, he doesn't get tired._ I laid my cheek back down on his back, wishing I could see, and ran my hand back along his bulge. He made a soft sound in the back of his throat. I realized some of the buttons on his fly were undone. Now how did that happen? I could have sworn he didn't touch them. I slid one finger inside, and he moved instantly, stilling me.

"Stay outside," he murmured.

"Don't you want me to…?"

"Outside my jeans," he growled. He growled at me. How hawt was that!

" 'Kay." I palmed his privates through the heavy denim, until his thighs started to quiver, and he stifled a cry. Again, my hand was wet. I snuck a look at it: not silver. White. Colour me surprised.

This was much more interesting than dry humping. As interesting as having his finger inside me. I started rubbing him again immediately, and felt his dick grow hard under my hand. He sucked a hissing breath in through his teeth.

"Can I see?" I whispered.

"Not tonight," he rasped, still facing away.

"Why did you undo your jeans?" I asked, trying not to pout.

"I didn't," he said darkly.

"But…"

"They're torn. My dick made a break for freedom. Evidently Calvins hold up under pressure better than denim."

_There's my Love! He's getting back his sense of humour._ "Hah. Good to know." I rubbed at his crotch some more, then traced a finger up toward his waistband. I couldn't find an end to his shaft. I slid my fingers higher. He froze. I slid them up a little more. His breathing turned ragged.

_Ohmygod! His dick is sticking right up past his waistband! _

_Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! Squeeeeee!_

_I bet he's thinking the same thing._

My fingers found his glans, imprisoned beneath a thick layer of slippery-wet knit cotton. My bet was that it would be unbelievably soft. I drew a tentative circle on it, spreading the wetness over the fabric.

"Bella," he cried, and his cum ran down the back of my hand as he swallowed a groan. It turned into a sob. Angling his shoulder toward me, he cupped my face in his large hand, and tipped it for a kiss.

"Wow," I breathed. He went back to hiding his eyes from me. Was it shyness or shame? "Hey, you okay?"

"Mm."

"Huh?"

"Yeah."

"Feeling shy?"

"Yeah." He peeped at me from under his lashes. Then he noticed my hand was very … messy. He retrieved a box of Kleenex from heaven-knows-where, wadded some up, and wiped me down. "I…"

"You don't have to talk."

"Yes, I… um, thank you?"

"Anytime. Well, maybe not when your family's watching. Unless we're under a blanket, or hidden behind a table cloth, or something. Lauren said she jerked off a guy at his parents' Thanksgiving dinner. That could be hot."

"Bella!" he gasped.

"Or we could do it in a phone booth, like Lois and Superman." I waggled my brows at him like a dimestore villain.

"Bella!" he giggled. Yeah, I made Edward Cullen giggle. My life is good.

I rolled my eyes and poked him playfully. "Just joshing, Mocha-chino. I know. I am brazen."

"No," he said softly. "You're… perfect."

"I am, huh?" I cocked my head at him. "Forks High Biology Lab?"

"God, yes."

I looked at him, stunned. Slowly, his face lit up.

"You brat!" I gasped.

"Seventeen. Forever."

"I can tell."

"Will you excuse me for a moment?" he asked shyly.

"Sure."

Quietly, he exited the car, taking the Kleenex box with him. Moments later, he was back, his t-shirt pulled neatly over his jeans. He chucked the Kleenex into the back, and got comfortable in his seat.

"You look better," I told him.

He rubbed his hand over his face, inhaling deeply. Then, he did something I thought impossible: He yawned.

I gawped at him.

"What?" he asked, as though nothing was different.

"You yawned," I told him. I felt his forehead. Had he reverted to human? Nope, still chilly.

"I never did," he frowned. "That's impossible."

"You totally did," I insisted. "Do all males get tired after blowing their loads? Endorphins?"

"We don't get tired. Oh." My mate looked stunned. "Oh, my. I'm _tired_. This is what 'tired' feels like."

"O-kaaaay," I said, getting out of the car. Edward watched me, perplexed. I walked around to the driver's side and opened the door. "Shove over."

"Huh?"

"I'm driving. My vampire mate thinks he's tired."

"It's after two in the morning!" he protested. "You can't possibly drive safely."

"Oh, I think I'm wired enough to make it to Seattle. Now, scoot!"

"Bella-"

"Now. Or I'll call Carlisle."

"Jeez Louise." Edward reluctantly got into the passenger seat, and I took his place behind the wheel.

"Don't floor it," he warned me.

I turned the key and gunned the engine, then took off at an excessive speed just to get his goat.

"Cut it out, I'm serious," he growled.

"Okay, okay. I'm just messing with your head."

"My nerves are shot, remember?" His words were the tiniest bit slurred.

"Maybe we should call Carlisle," I fretted.

He shifted, kicking off his shoes, and curled up like an exceedingly large cat on the chair, resting the side of his head on the headrest. "It's not necessary. I'm sure it's just the… letdown after stress. I've been tired for years, Bella. Mentally and emotionally."

"But you look like you could fall asleep," I argued.

"We don't sleep," he murmured.

"Try," I urged him.

He rolled his eyes and sighed at me, as if to say 'this is a big waste of time', but reclined his seat a little and wrapped his arms around his knees facing me. He set his head on them and I gave his hair a stroke. He fell silent, and I gave all my attention over to the drive.

After a few minutes, he sat up impatiently, pulled out his Blackberry, and started texting away.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked softly.

"Hotel."

"Mm."

Mission accomplished, he put his phone away and curled up again, shutting his eyes. He stayed that way all the way to Seattle, but I knew he wasn't asleep.

"We're in the city," I said softly. The highway was quiet, it was so late.

"You want off at the Union Street Exit. You'll be turning right so stay in the slow lane."

" 'Kay."

Soon, we were off the highway onto blissfully quiet streets.

"Okay. Turn left on Fifth Avenue, please." He sat up and put on his shoes. I was so curious. What kind of hotel would my mate pick this time? "Now, we have to circle around the block, because the street we want is one-way. Two blocks down, you're turning right. Seneca Street."

I switched to the middle lane. An elegant high-rise came into view. "Holy crow! Is that it?"

"That would be it. Now go around this block, keeping right."

I swerved into the next lane, which was the one we wanted, and Edward looked at me as though I was endangering his life.

"Sorry," I winced. "I was scared I'd miss it."

He cleared his throat, still eyeing me warily. "This is why _I _drive."

"Hey! I got us here, Sleepy," I grinned.

"I am not sleepy," he pouted. "You'll have to pull around for the valet. Look, there, see?"

"Yep."

We stopped, and Edward got out and arranged for the parking. Then, he came around and opened my door, and took the little black duffel from me. He crooked his elbow and I took his arm, and then he escorted me inside the hotel.

I shut my mouth before any flies could get in. Not that there would be any flies in a place like this! The lobby was like something out of a century-old movie. Like an Agatha Christie or something. There were red oriental carpets on the floor, and lots of dark wood, and the next room had sort of blond wood café furniture with sand-coloured décor and a lot of plants. But best of all, there was a huge, curving white staircase with soft red carpeting. Edward seemed fascinated with my reaction.

"Is this from your time?" I whispered in awe.

"Hah. Not really. This place opened in 1924. We didn't come here until the 30's."

"Has it changed much?"

"Not so far," he smirked, leading me toward the desk.

"Hello. Welcome to the Fairmont Olympic. Would you be Mr and Mrs Cullen?" the night clerk asked solicitously. He was a corpulent, moustached man in his thirties, wearing a typical grey business suit, but he seemed very relaxed and informal for all that.

"Indeed," Edward said coolly, handing over his credit card. I stood beside him shyly, playing with my ring.

"I hope you will excuse me for assuming so. You are the only people we are expecting to check in at this time of night." He gave me the once-over, and Edward turned frosty. I wondered what the man was thinking.

Edward gave him a reproving look. "We were not intending to stop here, but we required a rest from driving. What time is check-out?"

"Eleven."

"Do you have automatic check-out?"

The clerk looked a little sheepish. "My apologies, but we have been having a little difficulty with the computer. I hope it will not greatly inconvenience you to come down."

Edward looked at him haughtily. "Fine. The keys, please? My bride needs her sleep."

Now, that just came out wrong, but he didn't so much as twitch. Or maybe he really meant it. Maybe he was going to wear me out in the morning. I could imagine some great activities for that!

The clerk handed over two key cards and the paperwork. "Tenth floor, Room 1023. Elevators to your right.

Edward took everything with a clipped word of thanks, and led me to the elevators.

"We're not going up the stairs," I said wistfully.

Edward huffed a laugh. "We can try them out in the morning, okay? But I think it's a bit far up to drag you at this time of the morning.

"What floor, again?"

"Tenth."

We got on the elevator, and in no time at all, Edward had swiped us in, and set my bag down on the lime green chaise longue. There was a small, black lacquered desk in the corner. A king-size bed dominated the room. The bedding was white, and a blush pink throw was neatly folded across its end. Wow.

The room was freezing. I shivered. Edward shut off the air conditioning. "I hope you won't mind that I didn't book a suite. I figured we were only going to be here a handful of hours."

"No, this is… lovely. Please excuse me. I need a human moment."

"Yes," he murmured, pulling aside the sheer curtain to have a look out the window.

I snagged the bag, shut myself in the fancy bathroom, put on my black silk pj's and got ready for bed. When I came out, I found my mate wearing his favourite black velour track pants and hoodie. His brown contact lenses were gone. I couldn't help noticing that he was looking at me like I was something to eat. Was there any chance of that happening? _Ahem._

Before long, Edward was spooned up behind me, under the white down duvet. "Bella?" he breathed softly into my ear. It tickled.

"Yes?" _How is it possible to be this tired and this turned on at the same time?_

"I don't think I'll be asking you to 'bring on the shackles' for a while," he growled, his voice dark and sultry.

I chuckled. Then Edward chuckled. Before long we were both laughing uncontrollably, sprawled out on our backs.

"Only _us_," he howled, "That could _only_ happen to us!"

"Not necessarily, it could happen to anybody. It just seems that stuff like that _always_ happens to us."

"Danger Magnet."

I rolled onto his chest to confront him, "Oh, and where were your superpowers when Charlie was sneaking up the stairs? Not keeping an eye out for danger _then,_ were you , Mr. Overprotective?"

He tried to look innocent, which was a little disconcerting thanks to the bloodshot burgundy irises he was sporting. "You distracted me. I told you my kind was easily distracted, didn't I? You, Miss, are the biggest distraction I've ever met. You should be flattered that I lost track of everything else. Huh! I can't believe Charlie hauled me up in front of Carlisle and Esme in my tighty-whities."

I threw myself back on my side of the bed, "At least you _had_ some," I groused. "Every member of your family will soon have seen my lack thereof. _What_ an introduction to the family that keeps no secrets from each other! I guess I should be glad, at least, that Emmett wasn't there."

Edward choked, "At least Charlie didn't shoot me. I could just see the bullet ricocheting." The hysterics resumed before he finished his sentence. The whole bed was jiggling.

"He probably would have killed himself _and _me. Another JFK magic bullet."

"That is terrifyingly plausible for you. Thank Heaven he didn't _punch_ me, because he thought about it. I bet he would have done it hard enough to crush every bone in his hand. And I wouldn't have known how to fake being hurt." Edward theatrically put his hand to his jaw, rolled his eyes sadly and whimpered 'ow'. His grin marred the effect.

"Not in the least convincing." I grinned back. "We'd really have some 'splainin' to do then! Like why his hand was in irreparable bits and you didn't even get a bruise."

Edward blinked earnestly into my eyes with an expression reminiscent of Alice, "Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry Chief, but I'm the _undead_, and we don't bruise. Would you like me to keep your hand cold while we drive you to my house? I could hold it for you. I have no circulation so my hands are always freezing. The genius vampire doctor will be glad to tend you and stop your blood from flowing. Oh, I didn't mean it _that _way!"

"Oh, don't crack me up!"

Several minutes passed before our snickers died down. Edward got out of bed and turned out the lamps. It was briefly quiet, then my mate did a remarkable imitation of Charlie, "Bells? I forbid you to marry the undead day-walker. He might give you cooties. You are grounded for the rest of your life."

"Just get to know them 'Charlie'. Come over Sunday for _dinner_."

Edward groaned, "Oh, love, now _that_ is enough." Muffled snorts into his pillow.

"You, sir, are giddy."

"Go to sleep, you minx."

I couldn't. The giggles broke out again. Then, _he_ giggled because _I _giggled and _I _giggled because _he_ giggled. It just kept escalating, until finally we were both roaring so loud that somebody _thump-thump-thumped _on the wall. That brought tears of mirth to my eyes, and made it even harder to stop. We tried to stifle the laughter. One of us would gasp, and then silent giggles would briefly shake the mattress again.

I reached over and stroked Edward's hair, trying to see him in the dark room, "I've never heard you laugh like that before."

His fingers fondled the silk covering my backside. "I've never laughed like that before. My existence was so monotonous before you came along. Don't ever leave me, Miss Swan."

"Of course not, Mr. Cullen. Who else could make me laugh like this?" I pressed a kiss to each corner of his mouth, and his lips quirked upward again. He shut his eyes, and I tucked my face into his neck and went to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11: Practice, Edward

**Chapter 11: **

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews. I am enjoying them so much. There's only a bit more to this story, and then I'm going back to working on the sequel to 'I Hunger'. A lot of people have also requested that I rewrite 'Minibusted', the sequel to UE. I'm thinking about doing it from the pov of the Cullen siblings and their parents. Tell me what you think.**

**I will be submitting a future-take from 'I Hunger' for the Fandom for Leukemia and Lymphoma, featuring Carlisle on a visit to Edward's coven in the Amazon. Please support this excellent cause. The compilation will be available in September.**

**Fandom4LLS(dot)blogspot(dot)com**

**I'm soon putting up a picture album for this story on my Facebook. Sadly, there are no manips yet of the infamous photographs. Anybody want to take a crack at it?**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Monday, July 18****th****, 2005, 9:00 am:**

_**The Fairmont Olympic, Seattle:**_

_**Bella's pov:**_

I groaned, and he shifted, allowing me to roll away from the light flooding in from the window. He snuggled up to my back, and moulded his shape to me, his arm snaking underneath mine to draw me close. His forearm rested against my chest, his hand on my lower shoulder. He was no longer wearing his hoodie. Did vampires get too warm? I didn't think so. I reached back to touch his thigh, and encountered something unexpected: skin.

"Hi," I breathed, caressing it, excitement coiling my insides. _Higher, Bella. Go on, find out if he's wearing anything._

"Hi," he husked, pressing his cheek against mine. It was scratchy. He blinked: I felt his long eyelashes flutter against my face. I let my hands wander, and he jumped a little when I got too close to the ticklish spot on his inner thigh, making me smile. But he didn't move away. What a lovely way to wake up in the morning! Six feet and two inches of delicious man, all warm and-

Warm?

I spun away, anxious to know if I happened to be in bed with the wrong person.

"Something wrong?" my mate asked anxiously. His eyes looked so weird, brown.

"Um, you're warm," I fretted. Had he reverted to human in the wee hours of the morning?

"Is that bad?" he checked hesitantly.

"How did you get warm?" I worried. Was I insane? Was he not really my _vampire_? Had I been living under some mad delusion for a year-and-a-half? _Oh, please God don't let me be like one of those people on TV who falls into a coma and creates an entire fantasy world for herself._

Edward smiled at me softly. "I went down to the sauna, and sat for about half an hour. My skin will retain the heat for a little while." He wrinkled his nose. "Unfortunately, I might not smell my best."

I scrooched up close, put my palm against his bare chest, and sniffed him. "You smell like cedar."

"I smell like sweaty human," he said wryly.

_Thank God! I'm not insane, he really is a vampire. Whew!_ "Why did you go, then?" I wondered, toying with his chest hair. It was fine and soft, and sexy as all get out, and he didn't often let me play with it.

"I wanted to be warm for you," he said earnestly, and the contact lenses he was wearing came apart and disintegrated before my eyes. He calmly blinked away the specks that were left. I assumed it didn't hurt. His eyes were still burgundy, but the whites were no longer bloodshot.

"What, was I shivering or something?" I asked, a little giddy with relief that I hadn't been imagining a human Edward to be a vampire for the past year-and-a-half. I checked my scar, just in case. Nope, still there.

"Well, not really, but you were starting to move away from me, and I wanted to get closer, not farther away."

"Mmm, I think we need a sauna at home," I purred, reaching behind him to stroke his back.

"That can be arranged," he drawled.

"Mmm," I said approvingly, lifting my thigh to rest atop his. "Nice." Damn, he was wearing underwear.

"Yeah?"

"Definitely. I could get used to this, Mocha-chino."

"I hope so," he purred, looking extremely self-satisfied. His eyes moved down, and fastened on my chest. He swallowed hard, and undid the top button of my shirt. And then the next. My white undershirt became visible, and he took one finger, and traced along its low neckline. I brought my leg around his waist, and tightened it, urging him closer.

He undid another button.

"You seem more … peaceful this morning," I murmured.

He shrugged a little. "I got a rest from all the mental noise. Not that a hotel isn't noisy, but, you know, people aren't in my face like they are at home."

"We should run away from home more often."

"Duly noted," he said lightly, and then turned serious. He undid the last button, and slipped his hand inside, then slid the silk pyjama top off my shoulders. It slithered down onto the bed, and I freed my arm from it.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Love?"

He swallowed hard. "I … would like to try something, but I… need you to promise to hold still while we're…"

"Okay," I promised eagerly. I could hold still like nobody's business if it meant he wasn't going to predate me.

"Okay," he echoed. "Take it off."

I gaped at him, and sat up. Then, I grasped the bottom of my tank top and pulled it over my head. Spread out on the bed, he watched me, and his eyes morphed black and filled with silver lights. He rumbled approvingly, but did not move.

"So beautiful," he whispered. "Now, the bottoms."

Holy crow!

I gulped, and slid quietly off the bed, grasping the elasticized waist of my pants with trembling fingers. "Underwear, too?" I checked. Yeah, I know I wear a lot to bed. My mate has a constant body temperature of 64°F. So I still had a pair of his black Calvins on under the pyjamas.

"No, just your bottoms," he ordered, continuing to lie still with his arms spread wide.

I dropped my pants and kicked them away, shaking a little with nerves. I covered myself self-consciously, and knew that I was blushing. My mate stared at me out of his big, black eyes, and I felt my knees quivering. It did not escape my notice that he had never really looked at my body before, and his eyes had so much to say:

_You're so beautiful._

_I love you with everything I am._

_I want you._

I felt even more nervous when he threw back the bedclothes, and gestured for me to join him. He was wearing black Calvins, too, and his dick was once again attempting to escape their confines.

Awkwardly, I climbed back onto the high mattress, and crawled over to him. I lay down very slowly on his chest, and he gently covered us and put his arms around me.

"Breathe, Bella. It's okay."

I sagged onto him, and released my breath, feeling his chest hair against my cheek, while the borrowed heat radiated off of him just like a rock that had been baked in the sun. He shifted a little, drawing me against the length of his body.

"There," he crooned, stroking my back with his finger.

I sucked in a big breath and closed my eyes.

"My Bella, my mate, my all."

"Yours," I murmured, pressing a chaste kiss to his chest.

"Time for you to hold still, Baby," he said softly.

" 'Kay," I breathed, heart racing. Exhaling deeply, he gathered me close, his muscles coiled like steel springs, and hitched my leg over his thigh. I was closer than I had ever been to his raging hard cock. It was pressed between us, flexing against my abdomen. I peeped up at him uncertainly. His eyes were shut, his brow creased, and he gulped down venom.

"Why are your eyes shut?" I whispered.

"If I touch and look at the same time, it's too much," he said a little sadly. "But I can learn a little bit of you at a time, and be happy. And every time we practice, it gets a little … easier."

"Are you in pain?" I fretted.

"Hush. No more talking," he said gruffly, and pressed a kiss to my neck to soften his order. "No, your scent really doesn't hurt me anymore, Bella. It's just that it's instinctive to bite you, and if you tempt me at all, we will not be proceeding according to plan."

Love and nipping go together, he had told me long ago, and it was getting harder and harder for him to resist. How hawt was that! I wanted desperately to ask him how he had been able to successfully finger me to orgasm the night before, when he was being so cautious now, but I didn't dare, knowing only that he was worried that he would get carried away and the wedding would be spoiled. And then, he'd blame himself forever. I wasn't going to risk that. It was enough, to experience his desire. I could be patient for more, while he practiced and gained experience.

Alice's warning would be repeating itself, like a broken record in his head, and even a two percent risk of hurting me would be unbearable for him. My mate was such a gentle soul: if he hurt me, it would be bruised. I didn't want that. I relaxed, and let myself experience his love and care.

He slipped his hands inside the back of my Calvins, and ran his tongue up my neck, making me shudder and ache to have him inside me. But I kept still. His mouth ghosted over my collarbone and the first of my ribs, while his hands continued to knead and smooth over my backside. He pressed a kiss to my shoulder, and rested his face in the crook of my neck, so that his breath caressed my skin. And then, he moved so fast that I could hardly credit it. There was a brief tug, and my underwear was gone. I gasped in spite of myself, and then, I was back in the circle of his arms.

"Don't move don't move don't move," he chanted, and I wasn't sure whether he was talking to me or to himself, but it didn't matter, because anything he asked of me, I would do. He was quiet for a few minutes, and then he drew back, and locked eyes with me. His were positively swimming with silver, revealing his desire. He grasped my thigh and pulled it over his waist again, and then, _and then_, he pushed himself purposefully against me, and I felt the head of his cock, separated from my flesh only by his underwear, pass over my clit.

I felt my eyes widen, and then, tentatively, he pushed toward me again, and his glans rubbed over my clit a second time, making me rock up toward him. His eyes, still locked with mine, slowly lost focus, and a spasm passed over his face, telling me that he was overwhelmed and overawed and doing his best to maintain strict control.

"Bella," he mouthed, and let his eyes roll shut. Tentatively, I let my hips roll toward him, and he grasped my hip, urging me forward again. I started rocking while he held his breath, and his grip on my hip became so tight that it was almost painful.

"Careful," I said gently, and suddenly, the pressure on my hip was gone, and I was sitting astride him as he lay on his back in the big white bed. He gripped my arms for a moment, while I oriented myself, and then, he let go, and begged me with his eyes, leaving his hands open passively on the sheets. I rocked forward on his shaft, catching my clit on his cock head, until the fabric between us turned slippery and insubstantial. He bit his lip, his eyes shut, and I dreamed of a time when he would not lie passively, but would give me his unrestrained power.

His hands gripped the sheets, and I knew he was trying to hold back. I didn't want him to. I slipped my hand between my legs and brought myself to orgasm, whimpering as I leaned over his face, my long hair caressing him.

"Cum with me!" I cried, and with a series of soft cries and purrs, he did. I melted down onto him, gasping. And that was a mistake.

With a leonine growl, he was over me, hands gripping the headboard, and venom coursing down his chin. My heart hammered out of my chest. I went limp, and closed my eyes, and played dead. The venom spattered onto my chest in big drops. Drip. Drip. Drip.

For what seemed forever, but was only an instant, he hovered above me, and then, he was gone.

I just kept on playing possum for a while.

It was very quiet. I wondered how badly he was beating himself up. I wondered what it meant for our practicing. I took a chance, and squinked opened one eye.

He wasn't in the room.

I sat up sadly, lip trembling, and then realized the bathroom door was shut. I looked up at the headboard. The top edge, outlined in tubular metal, was dented where his hands had gripped. I gave him a few minutes. Then, I got up and knocked softly on the door.

Edward opened it slowly, looking ashamed and deathly afraid of what I might say to him.

"You okay now?" I murmured. He nodded curtly.

"Are you going to come and cuddle me?" I asked gently.

His eyes flew up in shock, and I felt sorry that he was always so sure he was going to be rejected.

"Come on, or I'll think you only want me for the sex," I teased, drawing him by the hand. He took a step and then refused to budge. I turned back and waited for the emo reaction.

"Aren't you mad at me?" he asked quietly.

"No. You didn't hurt me. I'm fine, you're fine, it's all good. But I'll be mad if you devalue that amazing experience by not loving me up."

He nodded again, shutting his eyes to push away his upset, and opened them, looking determined. I took his hand, and he let me pull him back to bed. I slid across to the right side, and he scooted in behind me. I pulled the covers up, and he pulled me into his arms, and tangled our limbs up together. His body was cooling, and I shivered a little, but soon, cocooned in the duvet, it was fine. We lay together, nose to nose, and held each other tightly. I felt like we had accomplished a lot, even if he had lost it a little there at the finish.

Something poked me in the middle, and I couldn't help snickering a bit.

"Can I help it if I'm insatiable?" my mate mock-pouted.

"Not complaining," I chuckled.

"You're not?" he asked quietly.

"Heck, no. But what time is it? Aren't we supposed to be out of here at eleven?"

Edward consulted his watch. "It's ten-thirty. Maybe you should get dressed."

"Five more minutes?"

" 'Kay."

I rolled over and he spooned up behind me, pressing a kiss to my main arteries. He wrapped his arm around me, and to my surprise, he cupped my breast in his long-fingered hand. I shut my eyes, happy as a clam, and tried to rest. Unfortunately, circumstances prevented.

"Bella?"

"Mmm?"

"Would you … mind putting on a shirt?"

"Why?"

"You're driving me insane."

"Good."

"Bella!"

"Oh, alright. We don't want you walking through the lobby with that monster waving 'hello', do we?"

He cleared his throat. "No."

I grabbed my pj shirt off the floor, and slipped it back on. Edward spooned up with me again. However, something kept insistently nudging me on the back. And its … owner was getting embarrassed.

After a particularly demanding _thwack_, I started to giggle. I just couldn't help myself. I squirmed around to face my mate, who was looking an awfully funny colour. What! He was upset again? That would never do! I poked him in the stomach.

"Control that beast!" I snapped.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it," he said, the poster boy for mortification. "I've waited forever-"

I prodded what is commonly referred to as a love-handle, even though there was really nothing there to grab. He flinched away from me. "Naughty boy!" I laughed.

He did a double-take, and realized he was being teased. "Isabella Marie!"

And that's when I went in for the kill. I assaulted him on those ticklish inner thighs, applying both hands to the job. He gasped out 'stop' and promptly fell out of bed. The whole room shook with the impact. I think he was so surprised that he didn't even consider getting up, and by then, I was straddling him and reaching behind myself to tickle his thighs some more. He pressed them together, squeezing me out, so I moved on to tickle his underarms.

"Nope, not ticklish," he said coolly, putting his hands behind his neck. "It's not going to work, although you do look awfully good when you sit on me like that."

I cocked a brow at him. "Really."

"Darling, you're going to be the death of me. Now you'd best get up, before I'm forced to book us in here another day."

I set my elbows on his chest and leaned my head on a hand, twizzling a finger through his chest hair. "Gosh, that would be terrible."

He reached up and gave my knotted hair a tug. "Up. Charlie is expecting me to call."

Sighing melodramatically, I got up, but not without wagging my backside in his face. To my shock, his palm came down hard on my ass. "Wooch!" I squeaked.

"Are you okay?" he demanded, panicking. Silly vampire! Of course I was okay. I collapsed onto his legs and got his ticklish spot again.

"Uncle!" he squeaked, and was consumed with silent giggles. Suddenly, his eyes flared with shock, fixated on the door to the room. He clutched me, looking dreadful. "Oh, we are in _so much trouble_."

Someone rapped loudly on the door. After a second of disorientation, I found myself sitting up in bed, covered almost up to the neck, and Edward was still in motion. He flew around the room, tidying up, then zipped over to the closet and put on the standard terry robe provided within.

The knock came again, more insistently. I pulled the blankets up to my neck, my knees bent. Edward steeled himself, and opened the door. I couldn't see from my position who was outside, but I thought I could guess. A quiet, but stern, female voice questioned my mate, who ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"I do beg your pardon," Edward said apologetically. "I fell out of bed." There was a pause. "I was _asleep_, and I _fell out of bed_. I do that sometimes. I'm terribly sorry to have disturbed people. Tell you what, please deliver my apologies, and invite them to have lunch downstairs at the Georgian at my expense." There was another pause. "The cost is inconsequential. No, charge it to my room. We are actually hoping to stay another night. You want to what? No, there are no damages. Oh… I guess so."

He peeped over at me, seemingly found some reassurance, and opened the door. Then, he stood there, looking awkward, while a severe-looking blond woman in a dark security uniform strode past him to look at me.

"Hello, Miss…" she began.

"Mrs Cullen," I corrected her, feeling a thrill pass through my innards.

"Mrs Cullen. Are you alright?" she asked, frowning.

I was lost. Why wouldn't I be alright? "Um, fine," I said slowly.

"Your partner didn't knock you down?" she demanded.

"My _husband _would never hurt me," I snapped.

"Can you please get up and show me that you're alright?" she demanded. Edward pinched his eyes shut.

"Sweetheart, can you please bring me my robe?" I asked him. Silently, he hurried to the closet, retrieved the robe, and held it out so I could slip it on. He kissed my forehead before retreating. I stood, tying the robe, and turned in a circle for her inspection. "There. Satisfied?"

"Thank you, yes. I'm sorry to have had to ask, but as I'm sure you understand, we have some guests who are … Well, I can see everything here is alright."

Edward ran his hand through his hair again.

"Of course," I acknowledged, padding over to my mate and slipping my arms around his waist.

"Hey," the guard said, face lighting up. "You're in the paper."

Both of us stiffened.

"Whatever do you mean?" Edward demanded.

"But it said you're getting married in August. My pal Maureen and I were looking at it not an hour ago. Edward Cullen and Bella Swan: I'd recognize you anywhere. Wait 'til I tell my Mom!" She dove out of the room, disconcerting me, and returned almost instantly, bearing a rolled up newspaper in a clear plastic carrier bag. "Here!" she exclaimed, beaming as she offered it to me.

Edward pinched his eyes shut with a sigh. "I just knew we should have gone to Vegas."


	12. Chapter 12: Unwanted Attention

**Chapter 12: Unwanted Attention**

**I'm delighted to say that this story and 'Heaven Help My Heart' have been nominated in the Emerging Swan Awards. Please vote for your favourites:**

**Emergingswanawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**I expect there will be 2 more chapters to this story. Then, it's back to my usual posts.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Monday, July 18th, 2005, 11:30 am:**

_**The Fairmont Olympic, Seattle:**_

_**Edward's pov:**_

"Thank you," I told the clerk, distracted by the woman standing at his side behind the desk.

_So, so hawt. It didn't say what they did for a living in that Announcement. I bet they're models. I'd like to see him model underw-_

"It's no trouble at all, Mr Cullen. I hope you and Ms Swan have a lovely stay in Seattle."

Obviously, he had seen the Announcement, too. I frowned at him, evaluating. No, he wasn't being snotty, even if he was nosy. He really was wishing us well. "Mrs Cullen. We eloped."

The clerk looked at me, astonished. "What happens with your wedding? It sounds like it's to be quite the affair. I expect you would have a hard time cancelling the arrangements, and looking after the guests, and-"

"We aren't cancelling," I growled, pocketing my receipts. "We're just getting away from the stress." I walked angrily away from the desk in time to see Bella coming down the grand staircase, her eyes alight with wonder at the loveliness of the curved archways and fancy plaster-work. She was wearing the minxiest, short-sleeved little black dress, which clung to her slender form in all the right places. And Converse. Hah. How cute was that!

My heart swelled, and I instantly forgot my upset. I hurried up to join her before she could see me, and do one of her typical nosedives down the stairs. My crankiness evaporated. I would have another day and night with her, all to myself, before we had to return home to the usual chaos. Hopefully, we could see some of the best things Seattle had to offer. The weather so far was promising: it was teeming rain. I stood three steps below her, affectionately watching her descend.

"Hi," Bella smiled, peeping at me from under her lashes.

"Hello, Mrs Cullen," I said softly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. There was a lot of crazy stuff going on in the heads of people in the lobby. Some of them were paying rapt attention to us. They were more than unduly curious. Their thoughts were actually intrusive. My eyes flickered around a bit warily. Were we under threat?

I tucked Bella's hand under my elbow, and escorted her down the stairs. She looked relaxed and excited, and I sincerely hoped to be able to help her stay that way. "What do you think?" I wondered.

"The architectural elements are stunning," she told me, "and I love the décor."

"Esme will be glad you liked it," I smiled.

"Did she design this?" Bella gawped.

"No, she was a Newborn when they built this, and she hadn't studied, but she did very much admire the design. Are you ready for brunch, Dear?" A loud tummy rumble answered me, and I chuckled softly, pressing a kiss to my mate's temple. Mmm, soon I would be able to have her with me every night, wrapped in that heavenly scent. "I don't feed you often enough."

"I smell bacon," Bella growled, scenting the air like an apex predator. How hawt was that!

We crossed the lobby, and people stopped and stared as we passed. How perplexing. I escorted my mate into the Georgian, and we waited to be seated. The hostess bustled over, and wrote something down on her seating map, straightened, and beamed at us.

"Well, good morning, Mr and Mrs Cullen. Welcome to the Georgian. Buffet for two?"

"Just for Bella. All I want is coffee," I said, smiling politely, and wondered just how many people had seen the morning paper.

"No, I'd prefer something off the menu," Bella said, hugging my arm tightly.

"As the lady wishes," I said adoringly.

"Would you prefer somewhere quiet, or one of the best tables?" the hostess asked me.

I was confused. What sort of impression had she formed of us? Her thoughts were unrevealing. I mean just because I paid for the meal of the people in the room below us didn't mean we needed posh treatment. "Uh, a quiet table. Please."

"Please follow me," she said eagerly, like we were celebrities or something. _ I hope they're pleased with me. A compliment to my boss wouldn't hurt. _ Bella and I looked at each other. She looked as confused as me. I gestured for her to precede me into the restaurant, and the hostess led us proudly to a small table away from the windows. "Is this adequate?" she checked, whispering as though we were conducting some secret spy operation.

"Yes, thank you," I said, still confused. I slipped her a tip, and she thanked me profusely. I stepped to pull out Bella's chair, and assisted her into it. Then, I sat down. A very fey waiter came over immediately, and passed us menus. I waved mine away, and Bella began to peruse hers.

"Good morning, Mr and Mrs Cullen. I'm Declan and I'll be serving you today. May I get you a beverage?"

"Two coffees, cream and sugar," I said, bemused.

"And orange juice? Or perhaps cranberry?" he coaxed, winking. _So good for ladies on their honeymoons._

I felt my forehead crinkle. "Bella?"

"Orange juice, please," she said softly, and he beamed at her like she'd done him some great favour.

"Back in a jiff," he smiled, and off he went.

I leaned toward my mate and whispered, "People are acting kind of strangely, don't you think?"

She nodded energetically. "Weird."

Declan came back with a carafe, and poured coffee into our cups with a flourish.

"Thank you," we murmured.

"The very best for our precious celebs. May I ask if you're in town to make a movie?" he asked solicitously.

I leaned back in the chair and regarded him quizzically. "We aren't actors. We aren't anyone famous."

"Ah, I _see_," he nodded knowingly, and winked again. _A clandestine escape from the public eye. Sexy. Shame he doesn't swing for my team. _Bella and I looked at each other, speechless. The waiter sashayed away, and returned with a dish bearing cream and sugar, and another dish bearing little balls of butter. " Are you ready to order?" he asked pleasantly.

"I'd like the Eggs Benedict, and a side of bacon," Bella informed him.

"Lovely. And for you, sir?"

"Just the coffee, thank you," I said dismissively.

Our waiter giggled, and leaned in conspiratorially. "Yes, I don't expect you want the buffet. It must be difficult, being in the public eye all the time. I don't expect you like the attention."

Bella and I eyed him like he was from another planet. He waited expectantly for an answer. "No," I said finally. "We like a quiet life."

"Of course you do," he said affectionately. "Well, I hope you have a lovely time in Seattle."

"Thank you," I said, still thoroughly lost.

"He thinks we're from Hollywood or something," Bella hissed.

"I know," I said a bit anxiously. "But where on earth would people get that impression? I mean, way too many people are paying attention to us right now. I don't get it."

"You don't think it has anything to do with the Announcement, do you?" Bella worried, a crease forming between her eyes.

"How could it?" I wondered, smoothing the crease. "I know it's a ginchy picture, but we're nobody special."

Declan brought Bella's food, and she thanked him and tucked in.

"I wondered if you might like to go to the Art Gallery," I suggested.

"That would be great. We haven't been to a gallery since our trip to British Columbia. And I wondered about the Space Needle."

"Yes, you should see that. I could take you there for dinner," I agreed, pretending to sip my coffee. Bella emptied her cup, and I switched them surreptitiously.

_-just have to speak to them, and thank them for…_

I cocked my head to the side, _Listening_, and then, a bunch of humans were standing just behind me. I turned to them, looking up warily. There were two plump adults and four oddly mismatched children. The little ones were chubby and squat, and the bigger ones were incredibly tall and thin. One was mousy, one was titian, and one was blond. The oldest –a boy- had purple hair. Well, I didn't look like my parents or siblings either, I conceded.

"Mr Cullen?" the portly father inquired.

"Yes?"

"We just wanted to thank you for our lunch."

"Oh, you must be our downstairs neighbours," I smiled. "I am so sorry for the disturbance."

"Oh, we're a little embarrassed actually, to have fussed you on your wedding night," the rather rubenesque wife titttered.

I gawped at her a little. "How did you-?" An idea took root in my mind, and my eyes narrowed. "Were you talking to the security guard about us?"

The whole fam-damily nodded energetically.

"Oh, boy," I said weakly. A gossipy, romance-loving hotel employee? Not. Good.

"Terry is a nice girl," the woman said fondly. "She showed us your Engagement Announcement."

"It's sick, man," the pimply youth of about fifteen enthused.

"Um, thanks?" I winced.

"Terry says she's sure that she saw you in '_Vanity Fair'_," the woman whispered.

There wasn't even a part for a guy my seeming-age in that movie. "We aren't actors," I insisted.

"No, the magazine," the teenage daughter supplied helpfully.

"Oh. No, I'm sorry, we've never had our pictures in a magazine," I said, amused. "My bride and I are headed for college in the fall. We aren't working at present."

The husband and wife looked at each other triumphantly. They still believed we were actors. Apparently, a lack of gainful employment and a surfeit of money indicated celebrity. "Well, thank you again for our lunch. It was lovely."

"You're welcome," I told them, and they departed cheerfully. The tween-age girl watched her parents go, then scurried over to us, and put a copy of the Seattle Times and a black pen in front of me. She sneaked a look over her shoulder, hoping her parents weren't looking.

"Can I have your autograph?" she whispered, quivering hopefully.

"You want my autograph?" I asked blankly. She nodded enthusiastically.

"I don't normally do this," I whispered. "Don't tell anyone." Bella disguised a snort as a sneeze.

The tween nodded so hard she was going to get whiplash. I hurriedly signed the picture, and passed the paper and pen to Bella. The young girl quivered, dancing on the spot, and snatched the signed newspaper and the pen from my mate. Then, she leaned over me, and whispered, "You should totally grow a beard. The stubble is hawt." She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the mouth, her decision so instantaneous that I didn't even see it coming. Then, she scurried away.

I breathed raggedly, clutching the sides of the table, scared out of my wits. What were young girls _coming to_ these days, kissing compete strangers in restaurants? Bella stared at me with eyes round as saucers.

"That little girl just assaulted me," I squeaked. If I had a working heart it would be leaping out of my chest.

Bella nodded, open-mouthed. "I know, right?"

"She tried to tongue me!" I gasped.

Bella watched me for a few beats. "Well… she has great taste. Do you want to get out of here?"

I stared at the little girl's family in shock, and brought my focus back to the only person who mattered. "No, I'll live. Finish your breakfast." I wondered how soon I could brush my teeth.

"You sure?" she checked.

"Yep. I'm okay. Such things happen upon occasion, although the hussy involved is not usually thirteen years old."

Bella smiled around her mouthful of food. I watched her chew, calming down as the familiar action made me think of _other_ oral activities. No need to panic because some little human girl took liberties, I decided. My mate didn't appear to be fazed, so I should just get over it.

"Yeah, so … the museum has a particularly fine O'Keeffe," I shared, forcing myself onto pleasant subjects.

"Isn't she the one who painted abstract lady bits?" Bella wondered, eyes teasing.

Razz me, minxy! "This one's of clouds. And as for her… flowers, well, you _know _I love flowers, Bella." I took her hand and pressed my lips to her pulse point, delighted when her eyes turned smoky.

_Chemistry! _

I released Bella's wrist regretfully, and eyed the new intruder mistrustfully. Slick-looking bastard reminded me of James. Creep.

"Allow me to give you my card," the man said firmly, presenting it.

"Black Cat Productions," I read off of it. I handed it back. "No thank you."

"You could make a lot of money with me," he insisted.

"No thank you," I said coldly.

"Keep it. You might change your mind," he told me, tucking the small, white rectangle into my shirt pocket and giving it a pat. He swaggered away.

"I sincerely doubt it," I said wryly, removing the card from my pocket and flinging it down on the table.

"What's he want?" Bella asked, looking bemused.

I checked that she had nothing in her mouth, lest she gag. "He's a pornographer."

"Oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hand and collapsing into giggles.

"Welcome to my world," I whined.

"Does that happen often?" my mate gasped.

"Only when I'm in big cities, but believe me, it happens with alarming frequency."

Bella's smile was infectious, and soon, we were both laughing at the absurdity of the morning.

Our visit to the Art Gallery of Seattle consumed the entire day. We devoured the various galleries voraciously, and I constantly asked my mate what she thought of the pieces, fascinated with her interpretations. I guess she got a little fed up with that, because her responses became increasingly linked to sex. And Mr Ed liked that. A lot. So, I kept on asking, and I started backing up whatever she said with loads of bull, until, finally, she caught on. We stood before the O'Keeffe, having saved it for the end of the day:

"So you like this one, huh?" my mate mused, having a look at the little white card next to it. "Georgia O'Keeffe, 'The Celebration', Oil on Canvas, 1924."

"What's not to like?" I murmured, resting my chin on her shoulder from behind as I held her in my arms. "It's _blue_."

"It's full of movement," my mate said admiringly. "It looks like souls dancing."

I nuzzled her behind the ear. "They say it represents her marriage."

"Mmm. That so?" She turned her head to breathe in my ear, "We're going to have a marriage that looks like that."

"Mmm," I agreed.

"Of course, the whole thing does still rather resemble labia, even with the break at the top."

"Oh, I don't know. The bottom left looks rather phallic to me. And those clouds look like boobs."

"No, that's definitely a vagina, see? And the whole right side could be lips."

Holy. I was _definitely_ out of my depth. And sadly, I had not brought a handy jacket or backpack to hold in front of Mr Ed, who had no shame about advertising his appreciation for art in public. "Really." My pushy dick gave my mate a good prod on the bum, and she turned and put her arms around my neck.

A guided group came into the hall, and bee-lined straight for us.

"Look, you can see the lovers!" the guide enthused, waving both arms at us. We looked at her like a deer in front of Alice. She scurried over and beamed at us. "Do me a favour and just hold that position for a minute." She spun on her heel and waved at her twenty-odd charges. "Gather round, gather round, no need to be shy." She addressed us again. "Just turn around, would you?"

"Huh?" I asked blankly. The woman had the audacity to put her hands on our waists and give us a push, indicating that we should switch places. "Oh," I said, seeing what she had pictured. I permitted her to steer us so that I stood to the left, and Bella stood to the right. Then, the woman gestured at us like she was Vanna White. Bella blushed redder than Rosalie's car. I was feeling rather self-conscious myself.

"These kind kids are going to demonstrate the basic flow of O'Keeffe's brilliant portrayal of lovers," she beamed. When we stood gawping at her, she nodded encouragingly. "Well, go on!"

"Huh?" I asked brilliantly.

"Kiss the girl!"

"Oh." I started to lean down, and Bella tipped up her face, still rather pink.

"Freeze!" the woman bellowed, startling us. We stopped, inches from each other.

"Ohhhh," various people in the group said, nodding. _I see it. _Cameras started flashing.

"Hey!" an old guy in a Hawaiian shirt yelled from the back. I flinched, knowing what was coming. "You're the couple from the paper this morning!"

I held onto my bride tightly. Then, we were mobbed by admiring Baby Boomers who apparently wanted us to sign their gallery programs. Slinging my terrified girl under my arm, I bid a hasty retreat, not stopping until we were hidden behind a bunch of pillars.

"Where did they go?" the tour guide asked weakly.

Bella and I didn't budge. I started breathing again when the group moved dejectedly on.

"First movies, then art," Bella said, arching a brow at me. "Take me back to the hotel, Mocha-chino." She gave Mr Ed a little caress.

I swallowed a chuckle, and put on the dazzle. "Later, naughty. You need sustenance."

"Why do I get the impression that you want me to keep up my strength?" she teased.

"Because Charlie might expect you home in one piece? Oh, jeez Louise! Charlie! We neglected to call Charlie!"


	13. Chapter 13: Spiderman and Spider Monkey

**Chapter 13: Spiderman and Spider Monkey**

**I'm delighted to say that this story, 'Dartmouth Hallowe'en', and 'Heaven Help My Heart' have been nominated in the Emerging Swan Awards. Please vote for your favourites:**

**Emergingswanawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**Ed wanted more chapters. He's demanding like that sometimes.**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement, and no resemblance to persons living or dead, is intended.**

**Monday, July 18****th****, 2005, approx. 4pm:**

_**Seattle Art Museum**_

_**Edward's pov:**_

Give me enough rope, and I will hang myself. Every time. Nobody has to do it for me.

Mr Ed deflated like a balloon. Crap! My future father-in-law probably had an APB out on us. I couldn't explain why having Charlie's good opinion mattered to me, when he would no longer be in our lives in mere months, but it did. Perhaps I didn't want him to curse me when we were 'dead'. I made a mental note to tell my brothers that when they staged our deaths, 'Bella' should be the one in the driver's seat.

"Oops," my mate said, not looking in the least upset. She stroked the nape of my neck flirtatiously.

"Bella, we're trying to build bridges with Charlie, right?" I checked.

"I'm still kinda ticked off at him, to be honest," she pouted. She put her cute little nose in the air and marched over to a nearby bench, crossed her arms, and harrumphed at me. I ran a nervous hand through my hair.

"Bella, I promised him we would phone him this morning. He'll think I'm not a man of my word."

Her eyes rolled. "If he yells at you, I'm never speaking to him again," she snapped, crossing her legs and swinging the top one in annoyance. Oh, boy.

"Bella…" I said softly. I did not wish to argue after such a wonderful day.

"Well, he deserves to worry, after all the crap he put us through Sunday night."

"If it was my daughter who spent the night with her fiancé, for what I believed to be the first time, and her fiancé failed to keep his promise to phone the next morning, and I didn't hear from them all day, I would be frantic."

Bella rolled her eyes, and was quiet for a moment. "Okay," my sweet girl relented. She looked distressed, though, and I didn't like that.

I joined her on the bench. "How 'bout I test the water first? I'll call Esme and find out how Charlie's been today," I offered, pulling her lip loose from her teeth.

"Yeah, okay," she said, looking a little calmer.

I punched in my mother on speed dial, but her cell went straight to voicemail. "I'll have to call the house," I said reluctantly. I really wasn't in the mood to talk to Alice. I called anyway.

"_Hiya stud! How's it hanging?"_

My eyes closed in dread. I counted to a thousand before I answered. "Hello, Emmett."

"_Aw, Geez, Little Bro, it's going that badly? That you couldn't even answer me? Aw, Bimbo! I told you to try cunnilingus."_

"_Emmett? Is that Edward?"_ I heard in the background. There was a funny fumbling noise as Esme seized the phone.

"_Aw, Esme! I didn't get to ask him if Mr Ed has thrown up yet."_

"_Go away, Emmett. Hello, Dear."_

"Hi, Esme," I smiled, cheering up. I had gotten off easy. Emmett would have kept me on the phone for a long time with his teasing.

"_Edward! I'm so glad you called. Are you and Bella having a nice time?"_

"Yes. We're staying an extra night."

"_You'd best call Charlie. I phoned him this morning, and told him that you had called me from Seattle, and planned to go back to sleep until noon, and that you would likely call him around supper time."_

"Did Alice tell you to do that?" I wondered.

"_Yes."_

"Maybe I won't kill her after all. So Charlie's not worried?"

"_I wouldn't say that. He still seems pretty insecure about letting Bella off her leash. Where are you staying?"_

"The Olympic."

"_Oh, how lovely. Um, Dear? Alice has a message for you."_

I shut my eyes. "What is it?"

"_She said to tell you that you should let Bella take the lead tonight."_

I sneaked a look at my mate. Relinquishing control to her could be downright dangerous. "Did the pixie say anything else?"

Esme hesitated before answering. _"She said you should let Bella reciprocate."_

"Well, that's cryptic," I sighed.

"_And she said licking was fine."_

Holy Hannah! I was not up for having this conversation with my mother. " 'Ka-a-ay."

"_Can I say 'hi' to Bella?"_

"Sure." I passed the phone over to my mate.

"Hi, Esme."

"_Hi, Sweetie. Are you enjoying your little getaway?"_

Bella smiled softly, watching me. "Yes. We really needed this. I had such a good sleep last night."

"_Good to hear. So… everything's okay?"_

"Perfect," my girl said, smouldering at me from under her lashes.

I am the man.

"_You know you can ask me anything, if you have questions,"_ my mother offered. I pinched my eyes shut and counted to three hundred thousand.

Bella's bubbly laughter made me want to crawl under the bench in mortification. "You're killing your son. I'll take a rain check."

"_Okay."_

"Jeez Louise! I'm having enough trouble resisting her _now_!" Uh, did I just say that out loud?

"_Now, Edward! Who else is she going to ask?"_

"Okay, okay. Better you than Titch."

"_What are you doing this evening, or should I refrain from asking?"_

"Edward's taking me to the Space Needle for dinner," Bella beamed.

"_Wonderful. You'll like it, Bella. Now, you'd best go and phone your Dad before he paces a hole in the floor. The budget is tight enough at the station without having to replace it."_

"Okay," Bella sighed.

"_And don't be too rough on him, Dear. He loves you, and he doesn't know how to talk."_

"How did your chat with him go last night?" Bella wondered, the crease reappearing between her eyes.

"_Pretty peachy. He seems to have a lot more respect for me and Carlisle now. And he really is remorseful, Bella. Jasper said he is going to treat Edward a lot more nicely from now on."_

"Good to hear," Bella said, looking at me a bit more hopefully.

"_Kiss my son for me."_

"Okay."

"_And don't take 'no' for an answer tonight. Alice says you are to take the lead this evening."_

"Esme! Holy crow!" I yelped.

"_Edward, Dear?"_

"Yes, Esme?"

"_Never bet against Alice, even when her behaviour seems …"_

"Illogical?" I pouted.

"_Incomprehensible. She does have your best interest at heart, even if she is maddening at times."_

"Yeah," I sighed, eyes rolling.

"_Go call Charlie."_

"Okay. Bye."

"_Bye."_

"Guess I should get this over with," I sighed, dialling the station. It picked up on the first ring. "Hello, Charlie."

"_Edward! Hey, Kid! It's good to hear your voice. I was afraid you wouldn't call me."_

"Oh, um, no Sir. I'm sorry I didn't call this morning, but we were so tired that we told Esme where we were, and then we went back to sleep until almost noon. Did she call and tell you we're in Seattle?"

"_Yes. Fine woman, your mother."_

"Yes, Sir, that she is."

"_You're supposed to call me 'Dad', don't forget."_

"Yes, Sir," I repeated.

"_Are you taking good care of my daughter?"_

I swallowed hard. "Yes, Sir." What is it about this man that I find so intimidating? He's only a human for Pete's sake!

"_How did my girl react to the Announcement? Was she upset?"_

"Furious."

"_Furious, not bashful?"_

"Yeah, she was livid. Are you mad?"

"_I'm still pretty ticked off at Alice. But don't worry, Kid, I'm not mad at you anymore."_

"Yes, well, thanks… Dad. I'm pretty upset with Alice, myself. We shouldn't have left the choice up to her. Too late now."

"_Yep. But she seemed sorry to have caused so much trouble."_

"Yeah, I guess so. D-dad?"

"_Yes, Edward?"_

"I'm going to keep Bella here another night, and bring her home tomorrow, okay?"

There was a long pause, then, he sighed. _"You're not going to elope, are you Kid?"_

"No, we're still getting married on August 13th.

"_Fine."_

Whew! "Do you want to talk to Bella, Dad?"

"_No, I'm sure the two of you will do better if I am not on the phone with you too long. Go… enjoy your evening, and make sure you call me tomorrow."_

"Okay."

"_Tell Bells that I love her."_

"Yes, Sir."

"_I'm glad Bella's on the Pill."_

I gulped again, perplexed. "We aren't… oh, never mind." I wasn't about to explain to Charlie about that last Commandment.

"_Good-bye, Kid. You take care of my baby or I'll hunt you down and dangle you from the Space Needle for all to see."_

"Yes, Sir."

"_Be good, Kid." _

"Charlie? Thanks."

"_Dad. Yeah, no problem. Bye."_

"Bye, Dad." I clicked off the phone, a little perplexed. "Are you on the Pill?"

Bella's eyes searched mine. "No-o-o?"

"Huh. I wonder where he got that idea. Oh, well, doesn't matter. You ready to go to the Needle?"

"Yep." Bella stood up, tugging down her skirt, and just at that moment, the unwelcome group of Baby Boomer Newspaper Enthusiasts rounded the corner in front of us.

"There they are!" one of the old guys shouted. _Yowsa, I hope they give us a show. That girl is gorgeous._

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" I yelped, slinging my mate over my shoulder upside-down, and made a run for the exit. Belatedly, I realized that she wasn't wearing any underwear. Two of the older men promptly seized their chests, and others in their group dug in bags for nitroglycerin pills, as I ran right through the midst of them.

"Wait!" the ditzy tour guide wailed above the ruckus, waving her clip board. You two want a summer job?"

Why oh why must I look seventeen? Do I look like I'm in need of work? Do I dress like I'm in need of work? I think not.

I didn't stop running until we were outside, getting doused with rain. I set my mate down on the street-side of the enormous silhouette-statue of a man with a hammer, and hid us against its pant leg.

"Nnn, I'm getting really dizzy," my mate moaned, leaning lopsidedly against the statue.

"Sorry, sorry," I whispered, rubbing her temples. "Don't pass out on me, Sweetheart."

"We have groupies, Edward."

"I know," I panted, peeking around the statue. "Scary boo."

"Sounds like the call to Charlie went well," Bella sighed with relief. Maybe we were going to come out of this relatively unscathed. Maybe Alice was right as usual, drat her.

"Charlie sends his love."

"Hmm."

"He says I have to treat you right, or he's going to dangle me from the Needle."

"Hah. Like that's gonna happen," she said, the pink returning to her cheeks.

"I dunno, Bella. Your father is an intimidating man."

"Well, there's something a lot scarier than him," she smirked.

"Seventy year old groupies?" I essayed.

"Nope."

"What?"

"Your shirt is see-through, and there's a large group of teenage girls across the street, heading straight for us."

Being a complete moron, I turned to look at the girls in question. There were at least forty of them, wearing uniforms, even though school was out for the summer, and as soon as I looked at them, the front few started to squee. A sea of umbrellas headed straight for us.

"Hong Kong: Summer Enrichment," I said tonelessly, as the light changed and the girls started to run across the road, papers and pens in hand.

Bella turned white as me.

I whipped her onto my back and started to run. The downtown streets afforded nowhere to disappear. I headed south, past the Gallery, and deeked over a block. Still too open. I continued to run, looking down streets as we passed, until, a few streets over, I saw a long line of taxis. Pretending to pant, I jogged up to the first one in line. The driver rolled down his passenger window, and peered at me over his newspaper. Oh, God! Does everybody in Seattle have to read the _'Times_'?

Bella and I were thoroughly drenched. "Help?" I panted. The doors to the cab's locks _snicked _open and I hurriedly threw open the rear passenger door and tossed Bella inside, crawling in after her as quickly as possible. The cabbie grinned at us, turning to take in our dishevelled appearances.

"Got caught in the rain, huh?" he chuckled.

"Yes," I fake-gasped. My mate started to shiver.

"You're in the paper. How come you're running around downtown, without umbrellas and without a security guard?" he wondered kindly.

"Security guard? Why would we need a security guard?" I asked, perplexed. His eyebrows disappeared under his cap.

"You do know you're in the paper, right?" he frowned.

"It's only an engagement announcement," I protested. "We can't be the only people to have ever had a sexy picture for it."

"You mean, you don't know," he said solemnly, and then his eyes lit up with amusement. "Oh, boy. I guess you need rescuing. Where you headed?"

"We were going to the Needle," I said meekly.

He threw back his head and laughed. _Best. Day. Ever. _"I don't think that's a hot idea, kid." He turned pages in his paper, flicked a page smooth, and passed it back to us. I opened it wide, and felt my jaw drop.

The article took up the top half of the 'Entertainment' section's front page, complete with an excellent colour photograph of me and Bella. I recognized it as one that Carlisle took on Valentine's Day of 2004. In it, Bella was sitting sideways on my lap, with her ballet slipper clad feet crossed on the arm of my chair, and we were smouldering at each other. The fact that my fingers were grazing the lace at the top of her stocking did nothing to endear Carlisle to me at this moment.

_LOCAL KIDS MAKE IT TO THE BIG TIME:_

_Forks, WA. By Melinda Moorcock, A Times Exclusive_

_In the majestic Olympic Peninsula there is a little town called Forks, soon to be drawn out of obscurity thanks to the popularity of two young people hitherto unknown. The pair, Isabella Swan and Eddie Cullen, was discovered by celebrated scout Andy Blumfeld while dancing in a talent show at their local high school. Says Blumfeld, "They're gonna be the next Astaire and Rogers."_

_Without a doubt, the young couple, who have been romantically involved for two years and are planning to marry this summer, will rocket to stardom in L.A., where they are rumoured to be hosting a new prime time program, 'The Classic Beat Comes to the Street'._

"_Until Izzy came along, we didn't think (Eddie) had a soul," his brother Emmett Cullen declared. "And here, he's such a beautiful dancer. We're all so proud of him."_

"_Izzy has brought him to life," sister Alice Cullen Hale informed us. "And they have so much chemistry. Both of them are being wooed by some pretty famous magazines, including 'Vogue' and 'GQ'. Eddie and Izzy are just too pretty."_

_Seattle cannot wait to follow the careers of these bright lights._

Oh. My. God.

"We're dead," I said calmly. "Aro is going to come and wipe us all out."

Bella read the article through, and turned six kinds of pale. Then, she whipped out her Blackberry and started texting madly.

"Who-?" I asked tentatively.

"Em and Alice. I am going to murder Em and Alice. After we elope and disappear for about ten years, we will come back and catch them off-guard," Bella snarled.

Mr Ed really, really liked that idea. I rested my head on the back of the seat and day-dreamed bloodlust-y dreams.

"So, can I take you somewhere?" the cabbie asked, still grinning.

"Back to the Olympic," I groaned. "We are going to have to hide until we figure out where to run."

"So are you really going to Hollywood?" he wondered, pulling out into traffic.

"No," I winced, pinching my eyes shut. "We turned that Blumfeld guy down months ago. He just won't leave us alone."

"What! You don't wanna be famous?" our driver asked in disbelief. We stopped at a red light, and suddenly, there was a girlie squeal. A very, very loud girlie squeal.

"Oh, God! Duck!" I instructed Bella. We scooted down in the seat, and I covered her head protectively with my body, but it was too late. Little pink hands smacked against the hood, and young faces pressed up against the windows.

"Oh, God help us!" Bella whimpered. Her Blackberry rang, and we barely heard it for the screaming. I took it from her.

"Yeah!" I snapped. The car started to rock.

"_How's it going, Eddie boy?"_

"Em, you obviously have a death wish!"

"_What the hell is that noise?"_

"That, dear brother, is the ear-splitting shrieking emanating from our local fangirls!"

"_Fangirls?"_

"The paper, Emmett! The paper! They are pounding on our cab because of the article in the paper! I am going to rip Alice limb from limb!"

"_Um, Bimbo?"_

"What!"

"_The paper was my fault. That talent guy came around again, and I told him you might be interested. I thought it would be a good prank. I didn't know he'd go to the paper. I never thought this would happen. I'm so sorry."_

"Aro is going to kill us, Emmett! This is not exactly keeping a low profile!"

"_I'll fix this, Bimbo, I promise."_

"Emmett! As soon as I get home, assuming we survive this, I am running you through the chipper-shredder!" Bella howled, her heart beating a crazy tattoo against her ribs.

"_I'd never hurt you and Edward, Baby Bee. I'm gonna go talk to Carlisle, and get him to put a stop to that Blumfeld dude, okay?"_

"You had better!" I huffed, hanging up. "Drive!" I commanded our cabbie.

"I can't run them over," he protested, waving his arms.

"If you don't move, they're going to destroy the cab. Go slowly. They'll get out of the way," I promised. We crept forward, and the hands slapped eerily against the sides of the cab. The light changed, our man accelerated, and we left a horde of highly disappointed young females behind. I sat up, but pressed Bella's head gently into my lap. "Stay down." The young girls continued to run after the cab for a minute, then gave up, looking terribly disappointed.

"That was freaky," Bella muttered against Mr Ed, who was too cowed to do so much as twitch.

"Holy crow, young girls scare me," I said weakly, slumping back in the seat. "Thanks, buddy."

"No problem. How are you gonna get out at the hotel?" our driver asked worriedly.

"I don't know," I said blankly. "This has never happened before."

"Take my hat," he offered.

"Thanks." I put the cap on, and tucked in as much of my hair as possible. "What's your name?"

"George."

"Well, thanks for getting us out of that, George. You're a lifesaver."

"Hah hah. Not every day I get to pull celebrities out of the clutches of the adoring masses. We're only a block from the Olympic."

"Take a circuitous route, please, in case any of them have followed us." I reached out mentally, and realized that some of the girls were, indeed, trying to pursue us. I gnawed the inside of my cheek worriedly, and then Bella's phone rang.

"Hello?" I asked tiredly.

"_Edward, it's Dad. I've called Jenks. He's going to make that Blumfeld fellow recant his story. Things should calm down in a few days."_

"Carlisle! A little girl _kissed_ me in the restaurant this morning. _With tongue_. We were just mobbed by about fifty fangirls. They _ran_ after our cab. And at the museum, we were accosted for autographs by a group of senior citizens. It's completely mad. Even if that Blumfeld agrees to leave us alone, people know who we are now. A whole bunch of rabid young females are now trying to follow us. Aro is going to go off his nut. Just when we get Charlie settled down, this happens. Now, Bella and I are going to Vegas. Tell Alice 'too bad feel sad'. We are so done with this bullshit."

"_I'm sorry, Boy. You can't go to Vegas."_

"Why. Not?"

"_Erm… Jane and Alec are in Vegas. Aro wants to recruit some animal trainer there."_

I sighed, pushing away a headache. "Shit."

"_I don't think you should come home for a few days."_

"The grapevine must be flourishing," I moaned.

"_Erm, yes."_

"Carlisle."

"_Yes?"_

"Where will the grapevine _not_ be flourishing?"

"_How about … Canada?"_

"Jeez Louise, Carlisle! I thought you were going to say Montana or something."

"_Erm, I wouldn't count on it, Cocksparrow."_

I sighed again, resting my head against the back of the seat, and stroked Bella's wet head.

"You want me to circle around again?" George asked solicitously. "Your tab is running up, you know."

"Doesn't matter. I can pay. But I'd like to get Bella safely to our room."

"Basement elevator in the parking garage?"

"Yeah, that might work," I agreed, feeling more cheerful. I pulled a cheque out of my wallet, hastily scribbled in a figure, and passed it to George.

"You're funning me," he frowned. _I'd have helped them for nothing. Why would he make up such an absurd number? This kid can't have that much money!_

"Not joshing," I said flatly. "Take it with our thanks, and do whatever you want with it."

"You're just a kid. You can't afford this."

"I am filthy rich, and I want to make things easier for you, because you're one of the good guys. There's no joke, George. I am dead serious."

Wordlessly, he tucked the cheque into his jacket pocket, and pulled into the parking garage at the Olympic. I ducked down again and _Listened_ out. I could _Hear _people waiting for us. People had been talking about having seen us here: that was certain.

"Bella, I've got a feeling that there are people waiting for us," I sighed. She blanched.

"Maybe we should just get in the Volvo and leave our stuff behind. There's not much upstairs, is there?"

I bit my lips. "The keys to the Volvo are upstairs, and so are our passports."

"Damn."

"Yeah. We're going to have to streak for the elevator, okay? Once we're on there, we can get upstairs with no problem."

"You sure, kid?" George fretted.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Thanks for the help, George."

"Um, would you… sign…?"

Hurriedly, I signed the paper and passed it to Bella, who signed it and gave it back to George. "That won't be worth anything, you know. We are never going to be famous."

"Everybody gets their ten minutes," George winked. "Warhol said that."

"Well, I hope we've used all of ours up."

"Me, too," Bella whispered from somewhere in the vicinity of my left nut.

"Thank you for the best day of my life. I can't wait to tell my wife about this. You ready to jump?" George checked, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I growled. "They're here, Bella. Head straight for the elevator."

George pulled over and gestured at the right door. I hastily pulled Bella out, throwing an arm around her shoulders. We kept our heads down as we walked the twenty feet to safety. And ten feet from the elevator, we were mobbed. I picked up my mate and ran her to the elevator, stabbing the button. Cameras flashed like crazy.

Once inside, I pushed people back so the doors could shut, and Bella prayed aloud that nobody would get in. I hit the emergency stop, and punched through the access panel in the ceiling. Then, I put my mate on my back and jumped for the exit.

I stood on top of the elevator box, eyeing the cables happily. "Hang on tight, Spider Monkey. I need both hands for this." I rubbed them together eagerly, and felt my fiancée cling to me. Then, I hauled us up the cable, humming.

"What if the elevator comes up?" Bella fretted.

"Nah, we'll be out of here in a wink." I read the numbers painted on the inside of the doors, and stopped on Ten. "I have to lean over to open the door, Bella. Hang on, Sweetie."

" 'Kay, Spiderman."

I swung over to the doors, and pried them open with my fingers, peeking down the corridor. Then, I levered myself up into the hallway, and permitted Bella to crawl off my back. Being a gentleman, I did not look up her skirt while she did it. Much.


	14. Chapter 14: Teasing

**Chapter 14: Teasing  
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**You poor things. I'm going on vaycay for the next few days, so you might not get an update for a bit. However, lying around is apt to get the little grey cells going, you know? Anyhow, Ed is still badgering me for more chapters, and Bella _definitely_ wants the next one. As I'm afraid of her chipper-shredder, I must bow to their combined will. You won't mind reading a few more chappies, will you?**

**Your feedback is appreciated. I love your reviews. Please don't forget this story is up for one of these:**

**Emergingswanawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement, and no resemblance to persons living or dead, is intended.**

**Definition: Seduciary Responsibility: the obligation of a husband to regularly fulfill the sexual needs of his wife.**

**Monday, July 18****th****, 2005:**

_**The Fairmont Olympic:**_

_**Bella's pov:**_

I crawled up my mate's back on all fours and collapsed, panting, onto the muted red hallway carpet. Rolling onto my side, I caught Edward drooling, starry-eyed.

"Enjoying the view?" I teased, and he narrowed his eyes, taking life much too seriously. The groupies and fangirls had taken their toll. In the elevator shaft, there was a rolling sound, and I realized that the elevator was about to come upstairs. My mate whisked me off to our room at top vampire speed, and let us in. Chests heaving, we sagged onto the floor, and Edward put his back against the door, reached up, and locked it. Ah, safe! At least from the local humans. We stared at each other, a little awkwardly, and I did my level best not to laugh at him. I mean, I totally wanted him to look up my skirt, right? And the Victorian was coming out in full force, dammit. Not a good time to tease him, obviously.

Sighing, I grabbed at my right Converse and tried to undo it, spraying the room with water droplets in the process. The laces were impossible. My shoes were sloshy inside. I couldn't imagine how wet Edward's feet were. He had carried me on his back for blocks. He reached up and removed George's black baseball cap, tossing it toward the floor of the closet with a sigh. His hair was pressed flat against his head in wet curls, and his white Oxford was still completely see-through. In short, he looked edible.

"I can't get my shoes untied," I complained, picking at the lace. He motioned me over, still sitting all akimbo against the door. I crawled over and put my right foot against his inner thigh, and he plucked at the lace for several seconds without speaking. Finally, it gave, and he slipped off my shoe. Water poured out of it, and I noticed that he shifted a bit so that it saturated the carpet instead of his lap. My mate set down my foot and gestured for the left, so I spread my legs wide, leaning back on my hands, and let him pick at the other one.

"What happened to the jeans you busted the other night?" I wondered, hoping he was getting a good view.

"They were irreparable. I threw them out," he frowned. My lace finally gave, and he slipped off my shoe, taking my heel in his hand and massaging my foot. "We need to get you warm. Your skin feels colder than mine."

"Just keep doing that, and I'll get plenty warm," I promised. Sighing, he put down my foot and folded his legs up to undo his own shoes. I watched him with affectionate exasperation. He really was determined to behave himself.

My mate looked at his soggy Sketchers with revulsion, rose, and carried them into the bathroom. He upended them into the tub, draining the water from them, and tossed them on the floor. He took off his socks, then he unbuttoned his shirt self-consciously, careful not to break the buttons, and hung it over the shower rod. Wallet on the counter, watch and leather cuff perfectly aligned beside it, belt out of the jeans. Oh. My.

We had only been in the room for a couple of minutes, and I already had a half-naked vampire in my bathroom. This was going better than I thought. Perhaps I could make him forget the Victorian after all. Without meaning to, I went and stood in the open doorway, riveted. As though he could _Hear_ my wishes, his head twitched in my direction, then, he lowered his hands to his fly, and slowly unbuttoned it.

Holy crow! Maybe he wasn't planning on behaving himself after all.

I resisted asking him to turn around. He climbed in the tub, still wearing the jeans, and opened the taps, adjusting the temperature until steam poured out of the faucet, and then he turned on the shower. Breathing deeply, he let the water flow over his head, leaving his hair dark and smooth, and hanging in his eyes. He pushed it back. And then, he turned to face me, black-eyed and ruddy-lipped and smelling of man.

"Come in, Isabella," he growled, almost looking angry. My knees trembled and my heart tried to climb out of my throat. I walked right up to him, eyes locked on his.

"Closer."

I stepped right up to the side of the tub, and peeked at him meekly through the steam.

"You've been teasing me all day," he rasped. I gulped, and my knees started to shake. Was he mad at me? He palmed his bulge inside the open waist of the streaming wet jeans, staring, and I wished that I knew what he was thinking.

"You've been driving me mad," he growled.

Oh. "Sorry," I breathed, eyes falling upon those musician's fingers, rubbing and squeezing, and pleasing to him. I was so curious. I wanted to learn him. All of him. Even his feet were beautiful.

"No, you're not," he argued, all fiery-eyed. "You've been doing it on purpose, because you want me to see. You want me to look, don't you? Bella?"

I blushed furiously, and he reached out a dripping wet hand and tilted up my chin.

"Say it."

I loved his teeth, bared strong and white, but a little crooked, and somehow endearing despite their potential ferocity. Life and death forever linked. Like him.

"I want you to look," I blurted, feeling my face get hot.

My mate leaned down, brushed his lips over mine, and breathed, "I want you to look, too."

_Oh. My. Edward. Please God don't let me pass out._

"You are going to sit there," he ordered me, pointing at the toilet opposite the tub, "and you are not going to move. At all. You will not make a sound, you will not touch yourself, and most importantly, you will not touch me. If you give me the impression that you are about to do any of those things, I am going to tear my shirt to ribbons, tie you up, and _make_ you submit. I will do whatever I deem necessary to preserve your life. Is that clear?"

My jaw dropped. I seriously considered doing exactly the opposite of what he told me to do, just to see if he would follow through. Would he really tie me up? If I said anything, would he gag me? I bet he would. He was from the wrong century, after all. Was it wrong of me to be turned on by that? I was pretty sure it put me somewhere on par with a Denali sister.

"Isabella. Is it clear?"

I shut my mouth and bobbed my head precisely once. He pointed at the john, and I sat. His eyes dissected me quarter inch by quarter inch, and narrowed.

"You're considering disobedience," he evaluated curtly. Taking his index finger, he traced a line down my jugular, stopping at the neckline of my dress. I really hoped he wouldn't tear it, because it was one of the nicest things I'd ever had. But he just tipped up my chin again, sending hot water trickling off him onto my front, and leaned forward, over-enunciating dictatorially. "Don't."

I blinked, blown away, and he touched his finger to my mouth to silence me. He stepped back into the tub, and faced the shower head on my left.

Tentatively, his hands slipped into his jeans, and worked them down. They were soaking wet, and therefore difficult to remove. I suppressed a groan, and pressed my thighs together firmly.

"I told you not to move," he rumbled, leaning a claw-like hand against the wall.

Move? Who, me? I am not moving. Not one smidge.

He kicked off the jeans, leaving behind nothing but a pair of white Calvin's that was getting increasingly see-through. _Groan… get wet, Beautiful. Show me what you've got. _ I felt my privates clench and release, and clench again.

Bending to his left, he picked up the jeans and squirted his shampoo onto them, lathered them thoroughly, squeezing them in his hands, and rinsed them out. He turned toward me just long enough to hang them over the curtain rod, giving me a glimpse of hard cock imprisoned by now-gauzy fabric, and then turned away, immersing himself under the spray of water. It coursed down the muscles of his back, and the skin of his ass appeared, pale apricot, through the saturated boxer briefs.

Retrieving the shampoo, he applied it to his hair, and stroked it through, then stood under the shower again so that the suds sped down his body in white trails. "I hate being dirty," he murmured, turning, and tipped back his head, running his hands over it so that I was flecked with water. "The rain here, it's not like home. It smells bad. Pollution." His eyes were shut, and the lashes lay dark on the cheek that was visible to me. Water glistened on his inhumanly radiant skin, and I followed its path downward, hungry for knowledge. He picked up his sandalwood soap, and ran it over his upper body. The scent permeated the humid air so that the whole room smelled of him, and I thought I finally understood properly how scent could sing.

He faced me, and leaned against the back wall of the enclosure, legs spread. And then, he ran the soap over his underwear, and rubbed it in, setting the bar aside. He watched me through black eyes shot through with silver, lips pouty and red. And then, he wrenched his underwear aside enough to thrust his other hand inside, and grasp his dick.

"So, you want to see, do you?" he rasped, his hand working on parts unseen.

_Yes. Yes I do. Thanks very much. Hurry up._

He turned his back on me.

_Huh? What? Oh, no you did not just do that, Edward Cullen! _ My body turned into one gigantic knot in the effort to keep still and silent. On the inside, I was screaming. I didn't dare let it out. I was pretty sure he would eat me if I did, and not in a good way. My breath scythed in and out despite my best effort, and I began to feel angry. And to my shock, I realized that he knew. He turned that chiselled jaw over his shoulder and drank up my reaction with a cocky grin.

"It's not nice to tease, is it?"

I wanted to bellow at him. I wanted to jump his bones. I wanted… I wanted… to bend him over my knee and spank that delicious ass. And while I plotted his punishment, his eyes gentled and lit with humour. Was he laughing at me? Insufferable, wet, gorgeous, frustrating-

And abruptly, I realized that when I walked around flashing him glimpses of my pussy, he felt the same way. He was trying to show me how maddening it was. And I got it. I totally got it. He was just as needy as me. He was just better behaved.

"What do you say, Bella?" he asked, looking like a cat with a mouthful of yellow feathers. The man looked like he expected an answer. I wondered if I gave one, if I would be trussed up like a hog-tied calf. Ooh. That might be interesting.

It probably wasn't an appropriate thing to hope for, since he was entirely capable of damaging me.

"Sorry," I breathed.

"Hah. Well, _that_ was not what I expected. Try again."

I swallowed heavily. "Can I … can I see?"

"What's the magic word, Isabella?"

I was so tempted to give in to temper and tell him the magic word was 'now'. However, my mother always told me that you catch more bees with honey. "Please?"

He rested his forehead against the wall, while I wrestled with anxiety and anticipation. Then, he huffed a laugh. "Mmm. That was the one I was waiting for." He turned his face back to mine, and his eyes were black fire. "No more teasing."

I swallowed nervously, and bobbed my head. He hooked his left thumb into the back of his Calvin's, and pushed them down, exposing one glorious, toned glute to my greedy eyes. I wanted to lick it. Desperately. He hooked his other thumb into the far side of his underwear, and pulled it down his thighs.

_I think I just died and went to Heaven._

He shuffled in place, one-two, and the Calvin's fell with a smack to the floor.

_Pant. Pant. Pant._

I begged him with my eyes, and he watched me avidly. Then, he turned, and I whimpered, but he had both hands cupped around his privates, hiding them.

"Ask me." Water streamed down his head and poured off his chin.

I cast aside a hundred years of suffrage, and forty or fifty years of women's lib, and turned into an absolute blithering idiot. Maybe the dazzle had something to do with it. But somehow I eventually managed to stammer out a plea. "Please, Edward? Please let me see you. Oh, God please, I've w-wanted … s-such a long time-"

"Breathe."

I sucked in a deep breath. "Hyperventilating myself into a state of unconsciousness would definitely not be desirable right now, and if I hit my head on the tiles and cut myself it won't be good, right? Am I babbling? I'm babbling, aren't I?"

My mate's mouth puckered as he refrained from laughing at me. "Definitely." He looked at me smugly, which was something quite new.

"How can you be so laid-back?" I demanded, open-mouthed.

He chuckled, eyes crinkling, as he leaned against the wall.

"What's so f-" I began hotly, and stopped right in the middle of my sentence, because he had dropped his hands. A whole lot of emotions hit me at once: shyness, and curiosity, and a whackload of desire. And blessed relief. For at least two reasons: First, his cock was a magnificent-looking thing, and it was a little intimidating, but it wasn't anything to be scared of. I mean, it was thick and big, but it wasn't the size of my arm or anything. It wasn't going to break me. And second, I had managed to feast my eyes on my mate's rock hard cock without losing consciousness. Which was a real accomplishment, if you ask me. I mean, I could totally understand the girls who swooned over The Beatles, right? And a clothed Paul McCartney had nothing on a naked Edward Cullen.

My intended husband smiled crookedly at me. Mercurial much? Cocky perpetual teenager! Holy crow. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I don't get the mood swing," I admitted. He pursed his lips thoughtfully, and canted his head to the side.

"Perhaps I'm just relieved," he admitted.

"Why? Because … it's done? You've shown me your body? No more hiding?" I asked, perplexed.

Carefully, he turned off the water and stepped out of the tub. "Maybe, partly." He reached out and smoothed the crease between my brows with fingers warm from the shower. "But mostly, I'm just glad that you're not running and screaming."

"You're stuck with me," I told him firmly. "Especially now." I looked pointedly at his cock. Suffice it to say that a thing of beauty lasts forever. And everything about Edward Cullen is beautiful. At least to me.

"Good to know," he drawled.

"I am so. Impressed," I declared, hopefully without foaming at the mouth too badly. Being face-to-uh-_face?_ with his dick was enough to turn me into a predator, but I didn't think he'd allow me to pounce on him and drain him dry. I could feel his tension mounting again. He was shifting back to 'dangerous'.

"You … like it?" he growled, stroking himself. A bead of moisture oozed out of his urethra, and dripped in a long string, onto my skirt.

"I want to see you cum," I blurted, and his heavy-lidded eyes again filled with silver lights.

"Watch me, but don't touch," he rumbled in warning, and I obediently resisted temptation. He palmed his glans a couple of times, then encircled his shaft with his fist, turned thumb-down, and stroked it, pulling hard. After a few minutes, he hissed through his teeth, and the very air seemed to heat. He took my hand, and turned it palm-up. He snarled, and his eyes squeezed shut, and my eyes flew to my hand as something warm and wet touched it. Ejaculate, thick and white, spurted into my palm, until there was a good teaspoonful collected. Fascinated, I reached out with my other hand to touch my mate, but connected only with air. The space seemed suddenly cold and bereft. He was gone.

I sighed, hurting for him. So much progress had been made, but he still could endure only so much stimulation at once. And he would be feeling badly again. I stuck my finger in the cum and examined it. So pearly and slippery. Wow.

I opted to take a quick shower, since he had said the rain smelled so bad. I prayed for the right words to say, to comfort him, and I asked God that I not shrivel up and die of frustration before my mate learned how to touch me without biting. I wrapped myself in a big fluffy towel and padded out to the bedroom.

Edward was sitting on the chaise longue, one foot stretched out and the other bent. His sleek wet head rested on the heel of his hand, and his eyes were shut. It was just as I had expected: he was dejected and miserable. But hey, he was still naked. That had to count for something. I set my shoulders and marched over, smiling, and ran my hand through his hair, pressing my lips to his shoulder.

"Why do you bother with me?" he moaned.

"No moping, Ginchy. Be glad I'm not like Alice or Rosalie: there would be a camera snapping right now."

He gawped at me.

"You've learned a lot. And you're teaching me a lot, too. Just you wait until I get to use my new skills on you. Oh, and you'd better whip out your Dayplanner. In a couple of weeks I'm expecting to sixty-nine."

"I don't need a Dayplanner," he said numbly. Yep. I had his attention. And he didn't shoot down the date, either. Woo hoo.

"Bonus," I smiled.

"I left you high and dry," he said sadly. "I can't seem to stick around long enough to fulfill my seduciary responsibilities."

"Snap! We seem to have several more hours here," I winked.

Yay! His eyes were swirling with black again. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

"Esme says you're supposed to let me lead tonight, so try to ignore your dom tendencies."

He rolled to face me on the chaise. "If this involves spanking you can forget it."

"Maybe I'll spank you another time, naughty. I was thinking of something more relaxing."

"Like?" he prompted.

"Licking. Lots and lots of licking."


	15. Chapter 15: Coming Full Circle

**Chapter 15: Coming Full Circle**

**This story is nominated in the Best Humour category of the Emerging Swan Awards. I'm pretty chuffed about that.**

**Emergingswanawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement, and no resemblance to persons living or dead, is intended.**

**Monday, July 18****th****, 2005, circa 6:30pm:**

_**The Fairmont Olympic:**_

_**Edward's pov:**_

"Licking?" I managed to squeak out, much too high. I put my voice down an octave. "Licking … could prove highly hazardous to your health."

"You lick me all the time," my mate said dismissively, making me _insane_.

"I lick your neck or your throat," I protested, feeling every muscle in my body coil with tension. Vampires seriously love licking.

Bella knelt beside my chaise and traced a finger over my lips. I was hyper-aware of her bareness, hidden only by a fluffy towel, so close to my naked body. I felt my skin prickle like it was zinging with static electricity. Every cell was vibrating, and my minxy girl was, of course, oblivious to it. "You've licked my chest."

I gulped down venom and forced myself not to back up. "Through your pyjamas and stuff, Bella, and I don't think that's exactly what you're talking about doing, is it?"

"We-e-ll," she mused, tracing her fingers down my shoulder, "I thought we could just… go a little farther than we've gone before. Start at the neck, and … kinda keep going. A bit. Further. You know."

"You mean, farther south," I checked, resisting the urge to run.

"Well… yeah," she blinked, pinking up a little.

_Oh heaven help me, she's such a minx, and she doesn't even know it. _I bit back a whimper and stuck to my guns. _Must protect the girl with no sense of self-preservation. Even if Mr Ed withers up and falls off. Shut up, Ed! You are not in charge._

"N-no," I protested.

"Yes."

"No."

"Why?"

"Bella! You're going to be the death of me. Because my teeth are very close to my tongue, in case you hadn't noticed," I snapped defensively.

"Your mouth is saying 'no', but your body is saying 'yes'." She reached out to fondle me and I captured her hand, raised it to my mouth, and kissed it to soften the rejection. I cursed Mr Ed for getting me into trouble. _Down, down, get down. Damned traitor._

A needy shudder passed through me, and I gritted my teeth. "Bella, slow down. Please. The venom: it's pooling. I can't control it." I swallowed hard, feeling the burn sear my throat.

My mate sighed. "Sorry, Mocha-chino. I'm rushing you. It's just that… I want to touch you. I want to make you happy."

I took her face gently between my hands. "You _do_. You make me so happy, Love. It's just… I get so over-excited. I wish I didn't. I wish I could be calm. I just don't know how. It's like… I've tried to keep people from touching me for decades. I didn't like it, and then you came along and taught me…"

"Taught you what?" she asked curiously.

"Taught me that … touch can be exquisite," I pleaded.

"Ah." She looked down thoughtfully. "So you want to be touched, but it can be overwhelming because nobody has touched you in a hundred years?"

"Pretty much so," I confirmed.

My mate looked at me candidly. "Were your parents affectionate people?"

I squinted into the past, remembering childish games. "I think so."

"Was your father kind to you?"

I looked through the brown murk, and was pleased to remember something. "He used to take me on walks, and hold my hand."

"That's nice," my Bella smiled.

I shifted a little, feeling a thrill of excitement. "I can hear him laughing, and teasing me. I think he used to carry me around, and pretend he was going to drop me."

"That sounds like fun. It sounds like he was a good Dad," she said encouragingly.

"Yes, I know he was a good man," I said happily.

"So you only got this aversion to being touched when you turned?"

"Yes," I affirmed, turning solemn again. "I didn't like myself. I think that's why I didn't want to accept affection from people."

"But you let Alice hug you," Bella pointed out.

My eyes rolled. "Well, just try and stop her. Pushy little fairy's incredibly irritating."

"Ya think?" my mate asked sarcastically, rolling her own eyes. She sobered up, though. "You let Esme touch you. And sometimes Carlisle."

I swallowed. "Bella, do you remember the day last year when I had Esme stock your freezer and she cleaned your house?"

Bella blushed. She had not relished the surrender of control that happened after Tyler's van crashed into us, and she had unintentionally hurt Esme's feelings. "Why?"

I wet my lips. "That was only the second time that I ever initiated a hug with Esme. The first was the day that they took me back, as a prodigal. And that day, last year, was the only time that I have ever told Esme that I love her."

"But… you tell me all the time," my mate said, perplexed.

I sighed. "Back in the day, men weren't demonstrative. Restraint was expected publically, married couples mostly kept their affection private, and of course young couples were discouraged from touching. And men didn't hug each other, or get mushy with their mates, or speak of love, even to their kids. It's just how my culture was, Bella. And that's not how I want to be, but it's how I'm used to behaving."

"So… you're learning to be affectionate?" Bella checked. "Not just with me, but with other people, too?"

"Um, I think I'm learning to be affectionate with others, yes. My instinct has always been to show you affection. When our bond was new, I wanted to touch you constantly. It was actually physically painful to be separated from you for any time at all. Do you remember?"

"I thought that sticking close to each other was just to keep your throat from burning, by keeping you acclimated to my scent," my mate frowned.

"No, being parted from you was emotionally devastating, too," I admitted. "Sometimes it physically hurt to be apart from you for more than a couple of hours."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she lamented.

"Victorian," I shrugged sheepishly.

"Italy!" she scowled, fierce as any vampire.

"Moron," I agreed.

"Silly vampire. What am I going to do with you?" she sighed, shaking her head wryly.

"Teach me?" I suggested.

"Definitely. So, loving touch without … pushiness?" she said, raising a brow.

"Yes," I said eagerly.

"Easy," Bella sang, standing up. "Massage. Me first." And the next thing I knew, I had a naked mate lying face-down on my bed. Ohmygod! All I could do was sit and gawp at her minxy backside like some lovesick adolescent. Which is …what I am, technically. Forever.

"Edward, I'm waiting," she announced.

I shook myself, and stepped hesitantly over to the bed. Bella had her eyes closed, thank heaven. I climbed up and crawled over top of her, straddling her ass, and laid my hands uncertainly on her back. I brushed small circles over her shoulder blades, not sure how much pressure I ought to apply.

"Why aren't you sitting on me?" my mate grumbled. Gingerly, I bent my knees until we were skin to skin, and both of us groaned. "You feel so good," she told me softly while I caressed her back. "Harder."

I pulled a shaky breath in through my teeth, and my eyes rolled back in my head a little. This might just be the shortest massage ever, seeing as my drizzling cock was laid out along her ass and I didn't want to make a fool out of myself by spilling my jizz all over-

"Mmm, perfect. I can't wait to feel you inside me," she moaned.

Jeez Louise! That did it! Teeth clenched, I arched as Mr Ed spewed jism all over her ass. And that looked so appealing that he promptly did it again.

"That is so hawt," my mate informed me. Mr Ed wholeheartedly concurred. He threw up a third time, making a slick place to rub himself on. _I am rubbing my dick on my mate's pert behind, and my balls are squashed up against her pussy. Pubic hair feels amazing against hot wet flesh. And that spot on the bottom of my shaft is so sensitive. Who knew? More friction. I want more friction. Can I cup her cheeks around my shaft? Oh. My. God. That's hot. Oh, fuck, that's incredible. I'm going to cum again._

"Unnnh!" I groaned, rolling to my mate's side before I could fall on her. Ecstasy. And suddenly, the center of my universe was sitting on my belly, staring at me with bedroom eyes and parted lips. My dick rallied instantly, poking against her back demandingly. I decided the insatiable lout had no manners whatsoever. And I wondered whether Bella's pussy had any, or if our body parts would just take over and drag us along for the ride, morals be damned. But drat it, I still wanted to get married first. _Let Bella lead. Always her choice, I must not instigate._

But she was bending over me, now, running her small hands up my abs to my chest, and I had a bigger problem than deciding how far to go, because her scent was driving me out of my mind.

"Don't bite don't bite don't bite," I whispered to myself over and over, eyes squeezing shut.

"Ssh," my Bella said soothingly. "Just relax."

I let my arms fall to the bed, and concentrated on breathing calmly while she stroked my skin and rubbed her privates against my abs. Her scent caressed my throat, making it warm. I gulped down venom.

"Yes, that's right, relax."

_Ulp_. Easier said than done.

My mate writhed against my abdomen, and I lay there permitting it, in the hope that she would glean enough pleasure from it to satisfy her, and wishing that I could be more actively involved in the process. But it was too overwhelming: a hearty meal set before a man dying of starvation. I wanted everything, and greedy, grasping hands would destroy this precious girl, not love her, so they could not be implemented at all. But being unable to respond was emasculating. I had to be able to give something. What could I give, that would be safe for my Bella? Not my hands. Not my mouth. Not my dick. What then?

Words. I could give her my words.

I opened my eyes, and fell into her melted chocolate ones. She was so beautiful, so perfect, that it reminded me of the story of an angel who tried to look at God, and was incinerated, body and soul, because nobody is pure enough to look at Him. But my Bella is not a god, she is a being like me: flawed and at times insecure. And she needs reassurance and nurturing, even if I am too shy to open my mouth. So, upon this momentous occasion, was I man enough to give her the security, the feedback that she needed? And would she accept it? Would it be adequate?

"Bella, you're … s-so beautiful. Watching you… it's like… trying to stare at the sun. You make me burn for you. Looking without touching is almost unbearably p-painful. I want. I want to so badly, but I'm teetering on the brink and all I can do is hope that my adoration is enough. But I swear I'm going to learn to please you. I swear I will love you in every possible way, without hurting. And until I can, I'm going to watch, and learn you, and tell you that you're everything to me."

She arched, and with a strangled cry, trembled and came undone, and I reached a tentative hand out to rest against her heart, feeling tender, achy and raw.

Bella's hair tickled my chest, and I felt her warm breath caress it. Then, she pressed her cheek against my pec and tucked her head under my chin. My arms automatically surrounded her, and I exhaled most of my tension. She lay still, letting me rest, and I basked in the heat radiating off her body.

"How do you feel?" she murmured.

"Good," I grunted. I felt like I had, at last, given her something. "Happy. You?"

"Me, too," she sighed, tilting her head up. She pressed a kiss to my jaw, and then, she opened her mouth, and licked it. I may have whimpered a little. "I want to lick you all over," she whispered.

My eyes squeezed shut again and I averted my face. "I c-can't! I can't!" Venom poured out of the corners of my mouth. How was I ever going to keep my rash promise?

"Okay. Ssh. It's okay, it's okay, just calm down. You're doing great." She lay on my chest, and played possum for a while. I listened to the steady thrumming of her heart, and pretended that it was a night like any other, with Bella in her cute pyjamas, and me in my track suit. And eventually, I started to get comfortable. Maybe I would adjust to this new world of touch after all.

That naughty hand of mine, that seemed to have a mind of its own, began tracing hearts and letters on her back: _you belong to me; I love you; we're going to be together forever; Edward Cullen was here. _Yeah, I'm seventeen forever. Sue me. Before long, Bella was all liquid-languid in my embrace, and I was ready for more. I rolled us onto our sides, and ran my tongue over her throat, taking her windpipe in my mouth and sucking gently. I licked the hollow of her neck behind the collarbone, and up her neck behind her ear, and dropped kisses until she was doing the human equivalent of purring. And I really, really liked that. A lot.

I moved down her ribcage, stopping at the level where she normally was covered by a shirt, and laved and sucked the skin there while she arched and pulled at my neck, trying to get me to go lower. I moved over, lifting her arm, and ran my tongue firmly up the large muscle in front of her underarm, and she bucked madly. Yeah, I know where to find a woman's erogenous zones. Pulling back, I found her watching me like she'd never seen me before. Well, perhaps she hadn't seen me like this. On the upside, she wasn't running or screaming. I took the opportunity to give her a tender kiss on the mouth.

My dick was happily finding some friction on the outside of her thigh, and our kisses were becoming more frenzied, when I realized that I was considering how to best sink in my teeth. Again. Dammit. _Stupid impetuous vampire. Why do you have to have such a one-track mind? Don't you know you're getting married in twenty-five days?_

Growling, I picked Bella up and tossed her face-down on the bed. She squeaked a little, making me feel powerful. I lay down across her torso, careful not to burden her with my full weight, swept aside her heavy hair, and started painting her back with my tongue. My scent combined with hers made me feel drunk. I worked my way progressively downward, revelling in her small sounds and occasional twitches, and then, I found myself below her waist. I smoothed my hand over her backside gently, admiring the way its silky, pillowy softness gave beneath my touch.

"Bella." I ghosted kisses over tender flesh.

"Mmm?"

"You have the minxiest ass." I licked at her smooth glutes, relishing the light, soap-tinged fragrance on my tongue.

"Thank you. I always knew you were an ass man."

"Can I help it? You're always wiggling it at me." I gave it a little tickle, and my mate squealed, parting her legs. I was abruptly unbelievably close to her feminine parts. _God. Help. Me. Dying, here._

Bella froze as realization dawned. As I was also frozen, it seemed like a pretty cool reaction. She laid there, heart beating wildly, skin flushing, and played dead. And I had myself a really good look at her for five minutes and thirty-eight seconds. And then I breathed her a little. And the dratted venom welled up in my mouth.

_Let Bella reciprocate._ Could this be what Alice meant? Only one way to find out. "Isabella?"

"Yes?" she whispered.

I took her gently by the hips and pulled her closer to the end of the bed. Then, I sat on the floor. "I want to see you cum."

My mate's blush could have lit Manhattan for ten solid minutes. Being a perv, I really, really liked that.

"Come on, Love. Show me how you touch yourself. I know you do. Nothing to be embarrassed-"

My mate sat up so fast and the mood shifted to icy so quickly that I nearly fell over. "Edward Cullen! Have you been spying on me?"

_Quick, Cullen! Deny, deny, deny!_ "Um, no?"

Bella's eyes narrowed. "You have. I know that 'naughty boy' look. Spill."

Oh, boy. I ran a hand through my hair, betraying my anxiety. I really had to stop doing that. "Am I in trouble?"

Bella crossed her arms and glared at me. "Heaps. Start talking mister."

I ran my hand through my hair again. "Um, please don't be mad."

She whirled her finger, signalling me to continue.

"I… oh, I, um, it's not as bad as you think. Jeez Louise," I pinched my eyes shut. If I had to spill my guts, I was not going to be hung for lurking on various separate occasions and making discoveries that were … inappropriate. Oh, no. Dona Isabella would have my balls. I would make it sound like it only happened once. Besides, I hated to embarrass my mate, and she was definitely mortified. Like me.

"Tell me. And look at me when we're speaking."

I dropped my hand, feeling kind of shaky. "It was an accident."

My mate signalled for me to continue, looking calmer.

"I showed up to watch you sleep one night, and you were having a-a-an erotic dream. About. Me. And you … kindahadanorgasm." I waited for the axe to fall, and hoped I wouldn't end up in Bella's chipper-shredder.

"Did you jerk off while you were watching me?" she asked hotly.

"No, of course not!" I yelped. "I'm not _that _pervy, Bella!"

"When was this?" she squeaked.

"Um," I said, looking about, and doing my best to delay the inevitable confession.

Bella's eyes turned to slits. "When?"

I stared at the ceiling. "Wednesday, January 28th, 2004, at 12:37 am."

"That date rings a bell. Why does that date ring a bell, Edward?"

I examined the carpet. "Because it's the same night you said that you loved me, in your sleep."

"Oh." She looked mollified. Perhaps she wouldn't kill me. Was it possible that everything would be fine again? "And is that the only time it happened?"

"Um… yes?"

"Ooh! You're lying!" she yelled, launching herself at me in a fit of pique. I caught her gently, and tried to keep her from damaging herself in an attempt to slap me.

"Calm down, Bella. I never saw anything. Except that one time I just told you about, which was all under a blanket, and you have no idea how much I wished that you would repeat the performance. Seriously. The rest of the time, I just knew you'd been… pleasuring yourself. Becauseofthescent, you know."

"Holy crow," she moaned, sinking onto my lap. "You really were a demented stalker, weren't you?"

"Guilty." I felt about an inch tall. Damn, why did I have to open my big mouth?

And then, my Bella was laughing her head off, clinging to me, which perplexed me utterly. "You naughty, naughty vampire. Is it wrong of me to be turned on by that?"

"Depends what century you're living in," I muttered, trying to catch up with her mental gymnastics.

"So you want to watch me stroke myself off, do you?" she smiled.

Okaaay. Who's mercurial now? "Are you still mad at me?" I checked.

"Any more secrets?" she wanted to know.

"I don't know, to be honest. I mean, I've lived a lot, and something that I've classified as unimportant might turn out to feel to you like I'm keeping a secret. You know how many murders I committed, and you know I'm a demented stalker, and you know I'm … untouched and pathetically inexperienced. What more could there be?"

"Okay, fair enough. Where do you want me?"

Whoa. Perhaps this honesty thing wasn't so bad. I told the truth, and survived. Could I set aside the last ten minutes and pick up where we left off?

I didn't have a preference as to where. I couldn't very well say, 'everywhere, on my dick, in the shower, up against the wall, in the Vanquish, against my tongue, wherever we happen to be, all the time', could I? It would be teasing, and I had told her not to tease. "Wherever you're comfortable," I suggested, feeling both eager and bashful.

"Okay." She slipped out of my arms and perched on the end of the bed. Then, she got up, disconcerting me, and hurried to the bathroom. Oh. She wanted a towel. She folded it in half and laid it on the bed, and sat on it. Well, that was considerate: no mess for Housekeeping. Um, oh, wow, she's spreading her legs for me. Oh, my.

She placed her middle finger on her puffy slit, and ran it between her labia until they were slick and glistening.

"God, Bella, you smell so good. Bring yourself off for me, Baby. Show me what you've got."

She licked her lip and bit it, leaning back on her elbow while she increased the speed of her finger, and ran it from side to side over her pretty little clit. Soon, she was mewling, and I was fixated on the magic of her clenching femininity. I wanted. I wanted so badly. But could I finish what I started before we were interrupted? Or would the chains binding the monster be broken?

I couldn't resist. I had to try.

Moving infinitely slowly, I took my knuckle and grazed it over her clit, and my entire body caught fire. Bella opened her eyes in shock, and bit her lip, quivering.

"Yes! Do it! Put it in me!" she cried, parting her folds to reveal her vaginal opening. Eyes locked with hers, I waited for her to stop me. I touched her. She didn't stop me. Instead, she moaned gutturally.

For the second time in my existence, my finger was inside my mate's body, and although I wasn't moving it, she was milking it, oh-so-wet, and I was soaring, triumphant. My mate spluttered gibberish, and rocked forward and back against my hand, leaning down to watch it pass in and out of her vagina. I felt her muscles flex and spasm and clench around me, while she uttered soft sounds and mewls and licked her lips and bit them. And then she moaned, but it sounded like a plea, and her jizz flooded into my palm, in spurts, while she clung to my neck, gasping.

I reluctantly slid my finger out of her heat, and rubbed my palm against my chest, marking it with her scent, and we stared at each other, transfixed.

"Beautiful."

"Beautiful."

"Amazing."

"Amazing."

"Mine."

"Mine."

And there were whispers, and declarations, hugs and kisses, and cuddles. Maybe even a little joshing and a tear or two. And satisfaction. And rest.


	16. Chapter 16: Control Issues

**Chapter 16: Control Issues**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement, and no resemblance to persons living or dead, is intended.**

_**Tuesday, July 19**__**th**__**, 2005, 10:00 am:**_

_**The Fairmont Olympic:**_

_**Bella's pov:**_

I woke up startled, unable to budge. Sun was streaming through a window, and it was irritating my eyes right through the lids. I seemed to be burrito'd up in a white duvet, and something was wrapped around me like steel bands. Oh, _someone_. Heh heh heh.

Edward.

"Good morning, Beautiful," I sighed. He breathed a laugh. He always teased me that my diction was terrible in the morning. I frowned a little. "Let me up, please. I'm over-heating."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Love," he said hurriedly, and the world tilted, flashing white, as the covers whisked away. My sweat dried instantly, and I shivered. My vampire watched me protectively through disconcerting burgundy eyes, obviously worried that I was now going to freeze to death in a 75°F room. I arched a teasing brow at him.

"I feel like a birthday present," I smirked, twizzling a finger up in his chest hair. The front of his body was in shadow, but prisms of colour were reflecting off his back, making him look like an angel.

"Happy birthday to me," my mate drawled, smouldering. He licked my chin. It was then that I remembered that I had been totally unwrapped the night before. Being me, it meant a blush must occur for my mate's entertainment. He chuckled, naturally.

"Well, aren't we in a good mood this morning," I winked. My own mood was rapidly improving. Stretching languorously, I stuck my boob practically in his face. Then, I realized something tickled: he was tracing a finger around my right nipple. Oh. My. Goodness.

He peeked at me from under his lashes. "What's not to like? I have you all to myself for the day, and I only have to share you with Charlie for a couple of hours tonight, and after that, we can hopefully do a little more … p-practicing."

"I have corrupted you, Mr Cullen," I murmured, ghosting a finger down his left bicep.

"In the interest of maintaining honesty in our bond, I must declare that you have that backward," he said impishly, and ever-so-carefully tucked his head under my chin. I pressed my lips to the top of his head, relishing the smell of his hair, and held him close. He was still cupping my breast in his left hand.

"You mister, are a brat," I sighed, running my hand down his ribs and resting it on his sparkling hip. He flinched, and then I felt him force his muscles to relax. I left my hand quietly in place.

"It takes one to know one," he purred, peeping at me innocently. "But you love me anyway."

"Yes I do," I confirmed, sliding my leg around his. Unfortunately, I couldn't get any closer, because _something, _hidden in the bedding between us, was in the way. I looked down, pointedly, and he squirmed a little. Was he embarrassed? No, not really. He was… like a puppy dog with a ball, wagging its tail, and oh, what a tail. Hah. My mate wanted to play. Awesome. I looked at him slyly.

"Something is nudging me for attention," I teased him, palming his backside.

_Poke, poke, poke… Anybody home?_

"I told you that I'm high maintenance," he rumbled, pulling me closer. His dick was definitely determined to be noticed.

"I'm glad," I smirked.

"Me, too," he said musically, feigning surprise.

I snorted. "Cocky."

"I'm glad you noticed," he smirked. I gawped at him, delighted.

"When exactly did you stop being humble?" I squeaked, giggling, and reached around his backside to tickle his inner thigh.

"Since I touched you without hurting," he gasped, attempting to get away. I wasn't having any of that.

"Come back here, you horny little-"

"Nothing little about me," he crowed, pushing away my fingers.

"Aargh! Insufferable!" I announced, rolling my eyes. I dug my fingers into his thigh and he shook with silent laughter, coiled up like a big old spring.

"Bella! I'm going to fall again!" he threatened, his voice much too high. If he wasn't giggling, I might have felt more like I was taking a risk.

"Not my fault you perched right on the edge of the bed," I countered, poking him in the ticklish spot again. Squirming, he rolled onto his back, latching onto the headboard at the last possible second to prevent himself from injuring the floor.

"Uncle!" he squeaked, and froze, looking down. My hand was now cupping his balls. _Holy crow, he actually feels hot down there._ My eyes slid up to his. They were black. In a bad way.

Gingerly, he took my wrist, brought my hand between us, and kissed my fingers. He flipped my hand over disconcertingly fast, growling languidly, like a lion does to let other lions know it's around. I froze. He licked my palm, hard, and pulled the side of my hand into his mouth. I played dead, but the growl was still rumbling in his chest.

_God help me, I've finally done it. I've broken the Ice Man._

The fronts of his teeth grazed my hand while he breathed unsteadily, and then, his jaw opened, and his tongue laved my pulse-point.

"Edward," I whimpered, "don't bite." How would we explain to Charlie? A car accident on the way home from Seattle? My heart panged. I waited for my vampire's cell to ring. It didn't. _Alice isn't talking to us, I suppose._

Edward sucked at my skin, and I felt the razor sharp edge of his teeth touch it.

"Edward, no!" I gasped. He removed my hand from his teeth, retaining his unbreakable grasp on it, and looked at me with fathomless black eyes.

"Mine."

"W-we're getting m-married in three weeks," I reminded him. He stared at my wrist, seemingly mindlessly, and ignored me, sliding the beaded bracelet I always wore, in case of emergency, out of his way.

"Oh God help me," I whispered, and wrapped my hand around the bracelet. I pulled at the thin navy blue ribbon, tugging it loose from his grip, and the beads slid off and coursed all over the bed.

My mate watched them spill. Then, he sat back coolly on one elbow and stared at me, something satisfied and arrogant lurking in his expression. "Four hundred and thirty-eight," he drawled. "That's gonna be one devil of a job to pick up. Still, I like that one, and more blue star sapphires won't be easy to come by, so we'll have to retrieve them. I'm glad you listen to me sometimes, though."

I looked at him stupidly, and then something clicked into place in my head. Wheezing, I gawped at him like a goldfish.

"Close your mouth, Bella, or the flies will get in," he said calmly, eyes leeching from shadow-colour back to that of raw liver.

I managed to get out an offended squeak by the time he picked up all the beads and dumped them in my purse.

"You!" I squealed. I swallowed hard and tried again, angry tears pricking my eyes. "You…" my eyes narrowed, "cheater."

"Had you going there for a minute, didn't I?" he said smugly, standing at the end of the bed with his hands behind his back like some Greek statue.

"Son of a-" I hissed, launching myself at him. I was going to spank the bugger for scaring me, dangerous predator or not. Of course he prevented me. "Grrrrrr!" I rumbled, dangling in air between his hands. I fought to get a purchase on something, _anything_, so I could escape him. "Grr-rahr-rahr-rahr-rahr-raaah! Dirty rotten tricky vampire! How dare you scare me like that!" I tried to grab onto his dick, but he evaded me easily, and the next thing I knew, I was draped face-down over his lap as he sat on the bed.

_Smack!_

"Woof!" I grunted, shocked into immobility. Did he really just spank me?

_Smack!_

"Yipe!" Yes he did. He really really did.

He rubbed his cold hand over my butt and I squirmed like a bug on a pin. I writhed around until I was able to sort of look him in the eye. His were black, but obviously amused. I stopped panting and sucked in a big breath to yell at him. And wheezed. And gulped hard. He continued to pet my backside, the devil, and I sagged, resting my head against his knee. The man is irresistible. And talented. So sue me.

"Edward Cullen! First you scare me, then you spank me? WTF?" I moaned. Actually, I kind of liked it, but I didn't think it would be wise to tell him that.

"Isabella Marie," he growled, velvet over steel. "You have no sense of self-preservation. No wonder Emmett is scared of you. You're so impulsive. Now, until you are as durable as me, you will not reach out and grab me without warning, clear?"

"You will not spank me like a child, is _that_ clear?" I demanded.

He chuckled, the cad, and released me. "You liked it."

"That's beside the point!" I told him hotly, scrambling up to glare at him.

He beamed. "Aw, you're just like a minxy little angry kitty. Cute. Will the minxy kitty purr for me? Let's find out." He started to reach toward me.

My angry tears poured out. "You're teasing!" I resisted the urge to stamp my foot.

He dropped his hands and frowned, reflecting. "I'll try to stop that. Now, what did I tell you? If you do suicidal things in your determination to provoke me, I will most certainly use whatever means necessary to stop you."

I squawked indignantly. "Provoke you! I touched you by accident."

He stood slowly, and reached out to caress my cheek. His eyes were tender. I might never understand him. "Bella, do you have any idea how many accidents prove fatal?"

"You would never hurt-" I argued.

"Bella," he sighed, drawing me into his arms.

I looked up at him, lip quivering, hating the thought that I was going to cry.

"Do you know how close I came to biting you, Dearest?"

I shook my head sadly. "I didn't mean to."

He sighed. "Perhaps I over-reacted. But I need you to be careful, Bella. You are getting complacent. You've never taken me seriously. Please listen: I almost bit you just now. I'm not joshing. And I was going to bite you really hard. You would have been badly hurt. I never want to hurt you, Bella. It would break my heart to hurt you."

"Then how are you going to change me?" I wailed, dropping my head on his chest with a _thunk_. Ow. I hoped I wouldn't get a bruise.

"Hush. That's not the same."

"What do you mean? You're g-going to bite me, and it's going to burn," I sniffled. There was no use sugar-coating it. I had a big price to pay to become like my mate and his family.

He drew me back over to the bed and onto his lap, and stroked my hair. "It will burn," he husked, "but my teeth aren't going to hurt you, Bella. You probably won't even feel it until the venom hits your bloodstream."

"It hurt when James bit me," I whispered.

"My point exactly. He bit you hard. Did you feel my teeth at all, when I sucked his venom out?"

I looked at the double-crescent on my wrist. "No, at least, I don't remember feeling it. I just remember that you made the pain stop."

"That's because I was in control of myself when I bit you. When we decide it's time, Bella, when I bite you, it will be under controlled conditions. It will be a quiet, loving moment. There will be no fear and _certainly_ no ferocity, and I will be with you the whole time. We will make it as easy as possible for you, okay?"

"Yeah," I said, wiping my nose.

"And if you do anything to make that plan impossible, I will turn you over my knee and wallop your immortal backside until you can't sit down for a week."

I couldn't decide whether to be alarmed or turned on. And by the way he was looking at me, he knew it too, dammit. Ooh! Arrogant controlling smug gorgeous naked vam-

Well, he does love me. And his attitude comes from somewhere in the first stone age. I have to make allowances for that.

"Have I ever told you that you are insufferably bossy?" I growled.

He eyed me smugly, not showing a bit of contrition. "Yes. Frequently. And I have been working on letting you make your own decisions. But there are some lines you can't cross, or I have to stop you, to keep you safe."

How could I argue with that?

"Do you understand, Mi-my Bella?" he asked softly, stroking my hair.

I nodded curtly. "But when I'm a vampire, you'd better watch out, because when you're least expecting it I'm gonna whip your butt."

He rocked me a little, looking bratty. "I'll … look forward to that." He watched me slyly for a big reaction.

"You are so bad!" I said, trying not to laugh, and failing. He fell into giggling, and pulled me close to his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck, enjoying the closeness.

"I've been telling you that forever," he groaned. "Hmm." He exhaled slowly, resting his lips against the top of my shoulder. "I love you, Isabella Marie."

"I love you, too," I said softly, releasing my tension in a shaky sigh. He nuzzled my ear, relaxing.

"So… this is when we're supposed to have some really mind-blowing make-up sex," I suggested nervously.

He clicked his tongue at me. "And this is why you argued with me?"

I rolled my eyes. "You bet. Anything to sex it up, Sweetie."

"Hah. You really scare me, you know."

I felt like the cat that ate the canary. "Good. I am an apex predator, and should inspire your awe. Are you ever going to submit to me?"

He chuckled again. "Depends. If it's going to get you killed, it would be a 'no'."

I drooped a little. "So you're not going to let me touch you?"

The silver lights came back into his eyes. "I never said that."

_Shwing!_

I reached to cop a feel, but as usual, he caught my hand. _Holy infuriating Victorians Batman! I am going to either expire of tension or kill somebody._

_Possibly not in that order._

Edward kissed my hand, and eyed me with a mixture of affection and wariness. He played with my fingers consolingly. "Have you ever noticed that our timing bites?"

"Huh?"

"It's almost noon, and we have to check out, and we haven't even showered or packed."

I leaped off his knee, panicking. "Holy crow! How long have we got?"

"Ten minutes. Tell me what you want to wear, and I'll pack the rest."

"The Capris and blue tank top in the bag."

After a rush of air, everything was in order. I marvelled, thinking how handy he would have come in, on some of my vacations with Renée. Packing for her often took days, as she was always pulling stuff back out of her suitcase.

I hurried to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, and was surprised when Edward came to stand beside me, and brushed his. While I was still rinsing my mouth, he got in the shower. I looked at it with longing.

"What are you waiting for?" my mate demanded. "Get in."

"There's no time," I protested.

"You're so human. Get in."

I didn't have to be told three times. I hopped in beside him, slipping on the tiles, and righted myself by hanging off his arm. Biting back his amusement, he picked up a washcloth and soaped it.

"Hold onto the walls, please, and hold your breath."

I nodded, extending my arms to brace myself, and immediately experienced my very first vampire-speed power-wash. _Whoosh!_ I barely knew what hit me before he was kissing me soundly, and rubbing a soapy washcloth over my privates. Every inch of my skin tingled, leaving my hyper-aware of my mate. He broke the kiss, purring.

"Was it good for you?" he drawled.

"Eep."

He dropped the cloth in the bottom of the tub. "I'll take that as a 'yes'. Come on, take a deep breath. We have to go."

He towelled me dry at warp speed, and then dried himself, dressed me in the clothes I had asked for, and put on a black tee and dark grey jeans. He even brushed my hair. Then, he collected our things and led me, thoroughly dazzled, down to the lobby.

At the last minute before the elevator stopped, Edward put on his Ray Bans and George's baseball cap, and popped my sunglasses onto my nose. Then, he marched us smartly up to the front desk. Our still-wet shoes _squished_ across the floor.

The clerk was busy perusing his morning newspaper. I eyed it with trepidation. He looked up, did a double-take, and smirked at us. Edward coolly placed the key cards on the countertop without a word.

"Travelling incognito this morning?" the clerk winked. I could feel the hackles go up on Edward's neck, and I eyed him worriedly. My mate simply nodded.

"I expect you've had enough of the Papps to last you a lifetime," the man said like a conspirator.

"We're checking out," Edward said pointedly, tapping his finger on the key cards. Oh, boy. _Be afraid, mister. Be very afraid._

"Well, it's been a real pleasure having you here," the clerk said, snapping his fingers and tapping away on his computer. "Tom?"

A much younger clerk scurried up and beamed at us, practically wagging his tail. Edward's look could have frozen lava.

"Hey, _look-it_, it's that couple from the paper!" the clerk yelled ecstatically. I cringed. He goggled at us in joyful disbelief. "Can I have your autogra-?"

Edward threw out his hand in a gesture to stop talking. "No." He looked at the senior clerk. "Just check us out. _Now_."

"Just give young Tom a minute."

Said individual scuttled away to the back room again. The first clerk took Edward's credit card, raising a brow at its value. "I can't tell you how refreshing your presence in our establishment has been, Mr Cullen. The younger members of the staff have prepared a little token of our esteem for you."

Tom was back, bearing a canvas bag. He handed it to me, and I peeked warily inside, knowing Edward was seething and ready to go postal all over the poor little dude.

The bag was full of newspapers, and a card signed by a pile of people on the hotel staff. I stammered out a 'thank-you' and slung the bag over my shoulder.

The first clerk processed our paperwork and handed it to Edward, who signed the bill.

Tom was examining the morning paper. "Thrilling article yesterday. You must be really excited. Boy, I'd love to be able to have that kind of success, and stick it to the people I grew up with. Yeah, they could totally bite me. I see your Engagement Announcement was put in again today." He held up the picture for our examination and compared it to the real thing. I blushed furiously. Edward said nothing. Behind us, people in line started to murmel.

Tom persisted. "Are you two really going to model for 'Vanity Fair'?"

"No!" Edward said brusquely, "No more questions." He pocketed his receipts.

Tom wilted. "Okay, sorry." But then he perked up again. "We hope you enjoyed your stay, Mr and Mrs Cullen."

"Mr and Mrs Cullen?" the couple in line behind us whispered, and the news spread like wildfire through the lobby. Edward stared at me through huge black eyes.

"Mr and Mrs Cullen!" the cry went up. "Cullen and Swan! Can I have your autograph?"

Edward hauled me past the approaching fans to the elevator at the speed of light. The doors slid shut before anybody really figured out where we had gone. My mate pressed the button for the third floor, and the one for the top floor, and pulled me off on Three, panting. As soon as the doors shut, and the elevator moved on and up, he pried open the doors and grabbed me. Jumping down the empty shaft, he hurtled like a stone to the bottom, where he landed with a _squelch_. He opened the doors to the parking garage, and peeked out, while I tried to get my stomach out of my throat. Thank God I hadn't had anything to eat since the previous morning at the Georgian!

A few moments later, Edward deposited me in the Vanquish. There was a moment of silence in which I listened to my own breath wheeze in and out of my chest. Then, my mate climbed into the driver's seat and hyperventilated on the steering wheel, looking thunderous. We sat awkwardly for a few minutes.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"Distract me, please."

"I'm not going to be much help there. Can we feed Alice, Emmett, Rose and Jasper into my chipper-shredder?"

My mate took the canvas bag from me, and pulled out the papers. He read aloud to me: " 'Seattle Times', 'The Stranger', 'Forks Forum', 'The News Tribune'. Well, Washington's out. Hell. How did they collect so many? 'The Montana Standard', 'The New York Times', oh, I suppose Alice has blanketed the country from coast to coast. Let's phone your mother."

That sentence had never before come out of my mate's mouth. I gawped at him while he dialled Renée. Amazingly, she was home, and picked up.

"Hi, Renée," my vampire said, cool as a cucumber. He hastily pulled the phone a couple of feet from his ear, and I heard the customary squeal. Gingerly, he held the Blackberry up to me, and I held it between us. "Yes, we're fine," he said to the air. I pulled the phone a little closer, so I could hear the little tinny voice on the other end.

"_How's my daughter? Has she loosened up any?"_

"Um," he winced.

"_I can't believe the newspaper. I've cut out the Announcement and the article in the Entertainment Section and I've shown it to all my friends. Jerry and Cord are almost as excited as me. So when are you moving to LA?"_

"Um…"

"We're not moving to LA, mother. It's all been a big misunderstanding," I snapped.

"_But that agent-"_

"Will be lucky to be in business when I get through with him," I growled.

"_Oh."_ My mother sounded disappointed. But she rallied, as usual. "_So how's the sex? I hear Charlie's been a real ass. You were smart to run away. You two can always come here until the wedding. I'll be thrilled to have your positive pheromones around."_

"Um…" Edward winced.

"_Seriously, Edward, my daughter needs a good f-"_

"Mother!" I yelped. Edward was gaping at me incredulously. Lord, I was hoping he wouldn't get to really know my mother until the ring was firmly on my finger.

"_Oh, Bella! Lighten up already. People fuck. It's nothing to be-"_

My mate was now pinching his eyes shut, consumed with silent hysterical giggles.

"So we're in the papers in Florida?" I checked.

"_Oh, Sweetie! You're in the papers everywhere. Don't you watch the news? You were on 'Entertainment Tonight'."_

"Holy crow! Mother? We're running away from home. We'll be back in Forks in time for the wedding."

" '_Bout time you had an adventure. But you still didn't tell me: how's the sex?"_

"Bye, Mom," I said, huffing a laugh, and hung up. Renée never changes. I peeked at my mate, hoping he wasn't upset.

Edward laughed. "I hope you won't mind, but I think we will go a little further afield from Forks than previously planned. Maybe lie low for a few days 'til the gossip goes a bit stale and the papers print retractions. We can call Charlie to explain, okay?"

"I think that would be wise. I wonder how many papers Alice put us in."

"Too many." He chewed his knuckle, grinning.

"So where do you want to go?"

"How about making another visit to Canada? Ever been to Niagara Falls?"

I gaped at him. "You're kidding. That's like a gazillion hour drive."

"Not for me. Probably it would be beneficial if it takes me some time to get there. I need to think up some solid reasons not to kill my siblings. What do you think?"

"About killing them or going to Ontario?"

"Both," he smirked.

"Well, a double murder sounds really tempting, but we do have the wedding to consider. I think we'll have to let them live. The trip sounds awesome. Do you think we'll get in trouble?"

"How much more trouble could we possibly be in?" he scoffed. "To think we were scared to feature on Jessica's blog! Nothing could daunt us after this. I'm not sure the Volturi are as scary as a bunch of infatuated humans."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Although I really really hope if Aro gets wind of this, Alice will get us out of it. I expect she's already _Seen_ it, or she wouldn't have let the articles go through."

"So the only thing to worry about is Charlie," I mused.

"I think Charlie will understand my wish to get you out of the public eye."

I wriggled in my seat. "Sounds logical to me. Have you ever been to Niagara Falls before?"

He looked at me like I was nuts.

"Let's go. I'm excited." I toed off my ruined, wet Converse and put my feet up on the seat, prepared for a long haul. And perhaps a stop at Mickey D's to feed the human.

The Vanquish's wheels screeched as Edward peeled out of the parking garage. He careened out of town like the hounds of hell were after us. For once, I was not sorry he was speeding.


	17. Chapter 17: Meanwhile, Back Home

**Chapter 17: Meanwhile, Back Home**

**There's one more chapter after this. Enjoy.**

**This story is nominated in the Best Humour category of the Emerging Swan Awards. Please vote:**

**Emergingswanawards (dot) blogspot (dot) com**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement, and no resemblance to persons living or dead, is intended.**

**Tuesday, July 19****th****, 2005:**

_**420 Woodcroft Ave, Forks:**_

_**Jasper's pov:**_

Picking my way through a little Bluegrass is normally a spanking fine balm to the family angst. When they are not obsessed with Bee's welfare, that is. Carlisle's 'heart' gave a particularly nasty pang, and I snapped a string. It curled up, making an annoying _twang_. I stilled it, sighing.

"I wish you all would stop fretting. Lissy says they are going to be fine." Dang it if I wasn't starting to whine like the lot of them. Carlisle and Em squirmed restlessly on the porch steps, sighing. I was so mentally tired from dosing everybody up with comfort that I was not about to do it under unnecessary circumstances. "You are being silly."

"Alice said he might bite her this morning, and that if he did, the results would be disastrous," Carlisle said softly, spilling over with worry.

"Aw, come on, Carlisle. Lissy said the chance of him actually biting her was one in ten thousand. There's a greater chance that Baby Bee will die in childbirth than there is of him doing her any harm. And we all know how remote the possibility of her ever getting a baby is, seeing as she would have to cheat on the center of her universe and all."

"Hah. Yeah, like _that's_ ever gonna happen," Em said in a surly tone. The big lug was not laughing enough these days. I thought having Bee and Edward out of the house would be restful. Right. Someday, I might catch on to reality. Somehow, Bee had become the glue in this family. She ought to have been the fragile one, but she was the strongest of us next to Carlisle. A walking marvel, that whisp of a girl.

The center of _my_ universe skipped out of our front door, accompanied by our mother. Lissy stopped dead, her cheerfulness evaporating into surprise. "Where's the funeral?"

I sighed. "Dagnabbit, Jelli, they won't listen to me. They are plumb certain that Bee is going to bite the biscuit, and we will be nowhere close by to be of any help."

"Oh!" she scoffed at the family, who all turned contrite and a little sheepish. "I told you the chance of anything happening to her was remote. It's all done. They're back to normal."

"What's 'normal'?" Em growled. I sort of wanted the answer to that question myself. Far as I could tell, there was nothing normal about B-squared.

"Normal for them. Well, better than normal, a new normal. She surprised him this morning, that's all. But you know how resourceful she is. She decided to spill the beads on her bracelet when he tried to bite her, and everything turned up roses. By the time we meet up with them, she'll have a new bracelet, and they will have a bit of experience. I'll re-string the old one because he likes it. No big."

This was heartening news, and everybody cheered up immensely. So, there _was _something Edward couldn't do: resist counting beads. The fact that we shared a ridiculous weakness made me feel a little closer to him. I mean, we were both killers, unlike the rest of them, and I liked him and respected him, but he always seemed so much better than me. We weren't as close as we might be. If he could only get rid of the angst, we might be able to get closer. That would be right nice, because I had the feeling he could teach me a lot.

"So how did she surprise him?" Em asked curiously, his sense of humour waking up.

Lissy shrugged. "She touched him without warning."

Rosalie came skipping out of the garage and took her place next to Em. "What's the big deal? She touches him all the time. Remember how quickly she used to move? It used to drive us all crazy, and he sat there cool as rainwater."

"No," my girl said, tingling with mirth. "I mean she _touched_ him." All our eyebrows went up and our curiosity bombarded her.

"Is she suicidal?" Rosalie demanded. "She put her hand on Prudeward's equipment while not wearing full body-armour? Good thing he's a cold fish, or she'd be dead. The kid is insane."

"Dona Quixote," Emmett murmured. "Tilting at windmills."

"She i'n't," I murmured. "Her instincts are bang on, and she knows just how to manage him. And as much as we like to tease him, he is not a prude at all. Nor is he a cold fish. He is just real modest and likes to keep his feelings to himself. She's the same way. They get a chance to put their heads together unmolested, and there's no telling what they'll dream up."

"They aren't great communicators, though. It's not good," Rosalie grumbled. Aw, she was worried about them. How sweet.

"That has changed," I reassured her. "Since Italy."

Carlisle rested his elbow on his knee, radiating peace. "He talks to me now."

"He talks to me, too," Esme volunteered shyly.

"About sex?" Emmett gawped.

"Emmy, not everything has to do with sex," Rosalie said, eyes rolling.

"It doesn't?" he gasped, feigning shock. Yeah, everybody pretty much ignored his joke. But Em sobered up plenty fast. "Maybe we ought to try again to tell him about Naps."

"What makes you think he doesn't know?" Carlisle wondered curiously. "He reads minds. Surely he's gotten the message by now."

"I don't think so. He's never been around when any of us had one, and he always freaks out if we bring it up, and accuses us of teasing him," Emmett said. "He seems to think we have some grand plan to fuck him u-"

"Emmett Wallace McCarty Cullen! Swears jar," Esme growled.

"Shit, Esme, I must have a couple of swears left to spend," Emmett whined.

"Emmett! The swears jar is not a bank account. You do not put in money in advance to cover your future transgressions," she snapped.

"So what charity is the money going to this time?" Em sighed sadly.

"The Society for the Rehabilitation of Strippers," Esme informed us mendaciously. She never wanted to tell us the real name of the charity, in case we started telling her that we were cussing for a good cause.

Em was astounded. "What do they want rehabilitating for?"

"Emmett!"

"What?" he whined. Rosalie smacked him upside the head. "Ow!"

"So, are they really going to Canada?" Carlisle fretted.

Jelli sat down beside me. "Assuming the clerk at the hotel gives them that package of newspapers, they are. Oops, he just did. Yep, they're off like a shot. He's livid. They'll reach Niagara Falls well before we do."

"Niagara Falls," Carlisle sighed, reaching for Esme. We all reminisced a little, and the atmosphere got all gooey.

"You sure you don't want to come?" Jelli checked.

"No, thank you Alice. Meeting Jessica Stanley once was enough for me. Besides, it might make Edward more self-conscious, having his parents around. I think you need to encourage him to participate in some normal teenage activities. He's missed out on so much over the years."

"Shame we can't get him drunk. All that romance is wasted on the poor little shit," Emmett said sorrowfully.

"Em!"

"I know, Esme, I'm counting." He kicked at a pebble below the bottom step, sending it rolling into the lane.

"It's not a waste. I told you, they're doing great," Jelli smiled smugly.

"According to you, he nearly bit her," Carlisle fussed.

My mate rolled her eyes. "So, there are a couple of little blips. Every couple has them. The point is, they're sorting themselves out, and their bond is deepening."

"Sure it is," Em sighed. "Are they really going to get naked?"

Lissy's eyes twinkled, and she got almost giddy with amusement. "What do you mean, 'are they _going_ to'?"

The family all gawped at her except me. If Mary Alice Hale tells me something, I have faith in it.

"You can't mean to say Be-dward has …" Em frowned.

"They've been naked since yesterday," Lissy snickered.

"Way to go, Bella," Esme murmured, reeling.

My jellicle cat giggled. "I wouldn't normally _See_ and tell, but something funny happened this morning."

"Do tell," Rosalie said sarcastically.

My mate looked around furtively like Edward might jump out of the woodwork. Then, she got all giddy again. "He told her last night that if she flipped off his ground rules, he would use any means necessary to protect her. And then this morning," she giggled, "he spanked her."

Now even I was surprised by that one. "Seriously, Jelli? Are you funning us?"

"Not kidding," she giggled, near falling over and waving her arm vaguely in front of her: "Smack smack! Eep!"

"You're making that up! He's never said 'no' to her, ever!" Rose snapped, crossing her arms.

"Edward?" Carlisle squeaked, eyebrows practically in his hairline, "Edward? _Our_ Edward? We _are_ talking about the same vampire, right?"

Lissy fell over on her back then, howling with laughter. "Say 'good-bye' to the introverted Victorian, people, his days are numbered."

"I'd like to spank her," Esme mused, "for all the times she's worried us."

"For all the times she's hurt him," Rose muttered.

"Get in line," Carlisle grunted. "I mean, she's a sweetie, but sometimes…"

"You just want to smack her upside the head and say 'Hello? Vampire!'" Rosalie said, rolling her eyes.

"Exactly," everyone chorused.

"So, with all the muck he's taken from her, you're telling me he finally broke because she took sexual liberties with him? That's awfully fucked." Emmett shook his head pityingly again.

"Em-mett!" Esme howled.

"He should have been _happy_," Em protested. "He needs to lose his man-cherry."

I heartily concurred. For the sake of _my_ sanity, never mind his.

"He's afraid he'll bite her. And she never listens to him when he tells her that," Jelli said, shaking her head.

"So his balls finally dropped," Rosalie mused. "I never figured he'd dominate anybody."

"Rosalie!"

"Sorry, Esme, but it's true. He's let her walk all over him since Day One, and now, he's manned up and put her in her place." Rose looked at Lissy. "How did she react? Did she have a fit?"

"Well," my mate said, trying not to laugh, "she was pretty scandalized, but you have to remember that a few minutes earlier he had her hand between his teeth. Our Bella got quite the wake-up call, I'm thinking. When he calmed her down, she submitted without a peep. She even apologized to him."

"Bella submitted to Edward? The sky is falling," Esme declared.

"Dom Edward. Who would have thought," Rosalie mused. "I'm impressed."

"Edward has only ever submitted to my rule because he didn't care about leading. I think you'll find he has a will of solid tungsten carbide. But he's bendable. As a human, he was incredibly strong despite everything he was suffering. He was like an ancient willow, bowing in the wind."

"Is that why you chose him, Carlisle?" Lissy wondered.

"Mm," our Dom shrugged. "You didn't see him. He was fiercely independent, and he never let go of hope. He wanted to live, and when he realized he wouldn't, he put his hope in Heaven instead. But until he got too sick to get out of bed, he was so generous of spirit. He pushed away his fear, and channeled his energy into nursing those around him. He was a well-brought-up, genteel boy, who sang them raunchy vaudeville songs to make them laugh. He was thrilled when somebody got out of bed and went home. And he sang the rest Psalms while they lay dying. He never abandoned anybody, and he saved his tears until after they were gone. There were a lot of tears when Eddie Masen's bed fell vacant, let me tell you. Everyone loved him."

"They called him 'Eddie'?" Emmett pouted, feeling a tad jealous.

"Hah. The patients teased him. They knew he didn't like it. He took it calmly, and he rolled his eyes a lot. It's probably why he doesn't like it when you call him 'Eddie', Em. I don't know how much he remembers of that time, but he probably subconsciously connects it to friends he watched die."

"You're going to make me cry," Emmett warned. "How come you never told me that before?"

Carlisle sighed. "Maybe I want him to connect with Eddie. He rejects the idea that the boy he was then, and who he is now, are the same person."

"I'm with him. Who we are now is not who we were," Rosalie asserted.

"That's true of anyone, Rose. Had he stayed human and gone to war, he would not have remained the innocent boy I knew. But you would not have questioned that a young soldier was Edward Masen, would you? Merely because his body was of the same construction."

Rosalie fell quiet, casting about for a logical argument, and failing to find one. She frowned again. "So if he was such a nice kid, why is he such a snobby, condescending jackass now?"

"Swears-"

"I know, Esme. Why, Carlisle?"

"He clings to the past," I interjected, blinking. "He doesn't want to let his Victorian ideals go."

"What's so great about being Victorian?" Rose said snidely. "They were so straight-laced."

"They had fun, Dear. Edward would remember the era as being more virtuous, and pleasant, than this modern age. And reading minds, he would look back fondly on gentility and good manners," Esme suggested.

"Yeah, just imagine being Edward, and having to put up with the thoughts of hussies like Lauren Mallory," I grimaced. "It's no wonder he was attracted to a demure little lady like Bee."

"Speaking of Lauren, she and Jessica will be arriving soon," Lissy said with distaste.

"Why did you invite that Lauren creature?" Carlisle sighed.

"I couldn't avoid it. And she's only going to help Edward and Bella gel," Lissy shrugged. "She's going to come onto everyone on the trip, just so you know."

"Skank," Rose grunted.

"I'd better get my collar," I sighed, getting up. Jellicle took my Gibson and put it tenderly in its case, ready to travel.

In my lair, I took a couple of quiet minutes to enjoy the peace. I very much doubted I would be getting any of that on the trip, shut up in an enclosed space with warm, savoury humans who enjoyed nothing more than touching folks and darting about like prey. But Lissy had told me that I would be mastering my thirst, and that the key to the prize was in my hand right now, if only I would put it in the lock. And I was truly anxious to get that prize.

I was determined to be a good big brother to the Baby. And there had to be other humans out there worth befriending, although I doubted I'd find any kindred spirits among these particular humans.

If Edward could do it, then so could I. I picked up my collar off the dresser and buckled it, checking the smoky cream eye shadow adorning my lids for smears. I added more black eyeliner. Hopefully, my appearance would intimidate the sluts in the group enough to keep them from hitting on me. I snicked the leash in place, had a last look around at my sanctuary, and descended the stairs.

Outside, Mrs Stanley's blue Buick sat empty. That woman was busy browbeating Em into putting Jessica and Lauren's suitcases in the trunk of the big white minibus 'just so'. Jessica was busy cringing because of it, and Lauren was busy giving Carlisle the eye. And she dared to call me creepy? Land sakes.

"… had your license, young man?" the vulture continued. Woman had a voice like a rusty hinge./

"Um, I've been driving for six years, Ma'am," Emmett stammered. "Big trucks for three."

Her laser-eyes zapped him. "I thought you were in high school. Just how old are you?"

"Um, I'm starting my second year of college next fall. Twenty-two," he said, looking about wildly for rescue.

"Hmm," she said, narrowing her evil eyes. Medusa. She caught sight of me and transferred her disapproval to a more blatant source of irritation: me. Obviously, Goths were not her cup of tea. I sent her some complacency, and her eyes dulled down to dung brown. How her husband ever managed to copulate with her to produce Jessica was beyond me. Horrible woman. Mean as a Komodo dragon, and about as pretty.

"Ooh, hello Jasper," Jessica enthused, wriggling like a bitch in heat. Lauren gave me the once over. I wondered whether she _really_ reeked of corporeal corruption, or if it was just my imagination running away with me.

"Yeah, hi. Rose, you checked this baby over?" I asked, gesturing at the boxy minibus.

"Yep, it's all good," she said, with a disgusted look at the humans.

"Jasper, are you seriously going dressed like that?" Esme asked at vampire pitch.

I turned, covering my mouth with my hand in a simulated yawn. "If I have to be shut up in a bus with a pile of human kids, you better hope I wear it. That leash is my reminder to obey Alice's wishes. Of course, the world would probably not be poorer for the loss of a couple of these kids, if you would care for me to do some selective culling of the herd."

"Brat," Esme smirked. "Don't tempt me." She turned and watched more cars pull into the lot. A pile of people got out of them. "Mrs Cheney. How lovely to see you again!" She and Carlisle wandered over to jaw while Ben, Angela, Conner and Austin came to join us. Moments later, Newton's Mommy pulled him over by the hand. What sort of eighteen or nineteen year old fella lets his Mom hold his hand in public? Wuss.

"Hi, everybody!" Jelli gushed. "I'm so happy you could all join us on such short notice. Bella and Edward left for Niagara this morning, and they don't know we're coming. We're going to have a load of fun, and give them the best Stag and Doe weekend Forks has ever seen. And hopefully we can tease them a little and get pictures and stuff to blackmail them with someday."

There was a whole lot of murmuring and cheerful chatter about that. Tyler's mother pulled into the drive, and soon after, Eric's stepfather did, too. They hurried to join their friends.

"Jasper and Em are going to load your suitcases, and Rose is going to do the first leg of the driving. Parents? Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I all have Class E drivers' licenses, and loads of driving experience. Now, kids, please say 'good-bye' to your parents, because we want to make the first leg of the journey before midnight. We're trying to spend no more than 12 hours in transit per day, counting meal times, and that means that we should be arriving in Niagara Falls, Ontario on Friday."

I hastened to help Em load the suitcases while the humans said their farewells. Turning, I found Newton standing much too close, gawping at me in consternation. I gulped down venom and suppressed a growl. "Something you want, boy?"

"Why do you dress like that?" he frowned, his distaste polluting my air.

"I want to be a serial killer when I grow up."

"Sheesh," he breathed, shaking his head. Yeah, bite me, mama's boy.

Em and I shut the compartment door on the last of the junk, and the jabbering humans bumped and jiggled their way into the bench seats.

"This is gonna be fun," Em declared cheerfully.

Yeah, whatever.

I rounded the bus warily: five double-bench rows, all of them full except the front one, plus a seat for the driver. The human males had chosen to sit at the back, and the slut and her minion were back there batting their eyelashes at them. The pheromones flying around were positively revolting.

The Cullens, Ben and Angela occupied the front half of the bus. Lissy hugged Carlisle and Esme, and hopped into the front bench seat, beckoning me to join her. Gulping, I fingered my collar and entered the gates of Hell. I slid warily down onto the bench, skin crawling, as the humans squirmed and jiggled and laughed and squealed. Smells like fast food: not healthy, but oh, so tempting. I gulped down venom, sighing.

Joy. "How many miles to the Falls, Jelli?"

My mate wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a peck on the mouth. "Twenty-five hundred, give or take a few."

I couldn't prevent my lip from curling with revulsion. How on earth was I going to keep from sinking my teeth into these terribly annoying adolescents?

"You'll make it Jazzy. I've _Seen_ it," Lissy whispered. She kissed me hard, right there in front of all the parents, as Rose put the bus into gear and pulled out. A lot of them suddenly developed misgivings about letting Em and Rose have charge of their kids. Little late to think about it, right? The kids all hung out the windows, yelling farewells and waving like crazy.

We were only a few miles down the highway when Stanley the Sheep decided to indulge her unwelcome curiosity. "Hey, Alice?"

"Yes?" my mate asked cheerfully, glancing at me with an arched brow.

"I just have to know. How did you get such cool parents?"

Lissy laughed her pixie laugh. "I know, right?"

"It's no fair," Jess declared jealously. "I mean, how come they're okay with Bella and Edward taking off to other cities and hotels and stuff when they're not married?"

"Well, they are getting married in a month, Jess," Angela reminded her placidly.

"Carlisle and Esme trust us," Lissy said simply.

"But they let you fuck in the house and share bedrooms and shit," she whined. All the human eyes were upon us. All the Cullens and Hales stiffened. Em and I turned right around in our seats, and the humans cringed nervously.

"Actually, Alice and I have been married for four years," I drawled. How long you been married now, Em?"

Yeah, they were reeling, alright.

"Two in June," he growled.

"Married!" Jessica squeaked.

"What's the rush?" Newton squeaked. Now there was a great pair.

"When you find somebody special, you shouldn't delay," Em said patiently, "because nothing in life is secure. If you don't act, you could lose out, and it's really unpleasant going through life without someone you love."

Most of the humans got contemplative. They knew we were all orphans.

"So you're _married_?" Jessica gawped. You could drive a chuckwagon through that girl's mouth, it was so big.

"Yeah," I drawled. "And we're right happy, too."

"But-but-but-but-but," Jessica stammered, "you were only _kids_. Why did you get married at fifteen?"

"Sixteen," Lissy and I said at the same time.

"We were leaving Alaska, and we were afraid Carlisle would split us up," Lissy said.

"So you're twenty?" Jessica demanded. "But all of us are nineteen. And if Rosalie is your twin, then she's twenty, too."

"That's right. Rose and I are twenty, and so is Alice," I explained patiently.

"But Rose is ahead of you in school," Jessica challenged me.

"Rosalie. I would prefer it if you call me 'Rosalie'," my fake twin glowered in the rear view mirror at Miss Stanley.

Jessica was waiting for an answer. I cleared my throat, swallowing the venom that was collecting. "Lissy and I both had a lot of health concerns some years back. We fell behind in school. Rose did not."

"Well, how come you don't wear wedding rings then?" Jessica demanded hotly. All four of us lifted our left hands to display our wedding bands and engagement rings. You could-a knocked the humans over with a breath, excepting Angela and Ben, who were getting seriously annoyed on our behalf, and pretty defensive of us as well. No wonder Baby liked them. They were nice folks.

"We wear them now that we're out of high school," Emmett explained. "People can be so judgmental, Jessica. Mr Green really grilled Carlisle when we came here. And so did some of the teachers. They were generous with their disapproval, so we decided to stop telling them. End of story."

"But if people knew, then they might stop treating you like perverts," she said hotly. All of us glared at her, but she held her ground.

"I guess we don't want the kind of friends that might think of us as weirdos," I pointed out.

"Well," she sniffed. "My bet is people would be a lot nicer to you if they knew."

"People ought to be kind to others, regardless of appearance," Emmett pointed out. "Treating us differently because of how we look, or dress, or who we're with, is just wrong. It's prejudice. That's why we tend to hang around each other."

"Hard to blame you," Ben glared at Jessica, "the way some people gossip around here. But give us a chance. We'd love to hang out with you more. I bet we could all be great friends."

"That's right nice of you, Ben," I said solemnly.

"You know, if somebody turned us inside out, we would all look the same," Angela smiled.

Having actual experience in that area of torture, I could have begged to differ, but I didn't care to. It would _not_ be a Volturi-approved topic of conversation. If I ever wanted to scare a human to death, however, I might just broach the topic.

"Let's all sing," Eric Yorkie suggested excitedly. "_Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer…"_

Everybody but me and Rosalie joined in. It was gonna be one _hell_ of a long bus ride.


	18. Chapter 18: Falling

**Chapter 18: Falling**

***Shakes head***

**You know, Ed is very demanding. He's high maintenance, and he's miffed. I am supposed to tell you that this is not the last chapter. There is one more. I mean it this time. One more. That's it.**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement, and no resemblance to persons living or dead, is intended.**

**I have definitely abused one of the Clifton Hill attractions in this chapter. The way I have written about it is 99% a product of my imagination. The other 1% is pretty mundane. Please note that I have not been in there for approximately 20 years, and it's doubtless a fun place. After all, it's still in business.**

**Thursday, July 21, 2005, 8pm:**

_**Niagara Falls, Ontario:**_

_**Edward's pov:**_

"Well, we couldn't have missed Wally the Walleye," I laughed, rolling my eyes. Bella held onto my arm as we strolled down Clifton Hill toward Falls Avenue. The Hill was resplendent with colourful lights, music and life, issuing from funhouses, stores and other tourist venues.

"We should have gotten t-shirts: we made it through the Ho-Jo, South Dakota without exterminating paparazzi." Bella stumbled on the red brick walkway and turned her ankle. I stopped walking, biting back a grin, and she poked me in the side with a mock glare.

"Don't even say it," she growled. I took her in my arms and waltzed her around in a tight circle, careful to avoid pedestrians.

"_When I fall in love, it will be completely_," I sang. My mate growled and reached for my ticklish spot. I helped myself to a different song: "_When the world falls down; Falling, falling in love."_

"Grr. Meanie."

"Who, me?" I protested. "You didn't say I couldn't sing it."

She poked me again, the minx. I therefore neglected to rescue her when the silly human dressed as a vampire, in front of Dracula's Castle, crept up behind her and pretended to threaten her.

"Booooo!" he howled.

With a bloodcurdling shriek, my fiancée climbed up my front and wrapped both her legs around my middle, whilst I -and the humans around us- attempted unsuccessfully to expire from laughter.

"You brat!" she accused, pouting prettily with her melted chocolate eyes narrowed to slits.

"Funny!" I giggled, and resumed walking down the Hill with a female glued to my front. Mmm, I could get used to that…

"_Not_ funny," she growled.

"Oh, yes it was!" I held her tight. What ever would I do without her?

"Not funny, Mocha-Chino," she insisted hotly.

"There's only room for one of us in my shirt, Dearest. This is why guys take their girlfriends to scary movies, yeah? I finally understand it," I chortled, while Mr Ed nudged up against Bella's abdomen. I really, really wanted to tell her what a minx she was, seeking refuge upon my person, but I didn't think she'd appreciate it. Still, I found myself thinking of her as my minx more and more often these days.

"Shut up," she laughed.

"I don't think so, Sunshine," I grinned. I looked at the next funhouse in line. Oh, why not? I carried Bella into The Haunted House. What! It was irresistible. Any time she wanted to be rescued from a nonexistent threat, I was up for it, and making her nervous was… fun.

Yeah. Seventeen. Forever. And I was beginning to see a lot of perks associated with that fact.

Bella catalogued the décor of the spooky lobby, alarmed. "What? No!"

"Yes." Without setting her down, I handed over cash to the ghoul behind the desk.

My girl shook her head vehemently and did her best to escape as I lifted her over the turnstile. The house of horror employees either rolled their eyes, amused, or turned away in boredom. Apparently guys dragged reluctant girlfriends inside all the time.

"No, no, no! Nuh-uh, Edward."

"Yes." I marched Bella into the dark funhouse.

"Oh, I am so going to get you back for this."

"Think of it as boot camp," I suggested while my mate wriggled helplessly. Carrying her into blackness, I put on a silly villainous voice. "I'm a vampire, Dahling. I'm going to suck your blood. Blah, blah, blah."

Everything got dark, and Bella went limp. "Oh, help." Her heart stuttered nervously. She was totally on edge. A jet of air hissed out of a hidden spigot in front of us, and my mate screamed blue murder. I didn't even jump.

"What! That's supposed to be scary?" I scoffed. "These funhouse people need to get advice from Jasper or Emmett. They'd show them 'scary'."

"What if somebody jumps out at us?" Bella moaned, trembling, as I carried her down a pitch-black corridor. A plastic skeleton popped out, with a canned scream, sending my mate into paroxysms of terror again.

"You're joshing, right?" I checked uncertainly. A lot of glow-in-the-dark, creepy eyes twinkled in the walls. The floors were uneven. Malevolent-sounding music issued from crackling speakers. More air hissed out, touching our hips.

"I'm scared!" Bella howled, clutching me.

"I may never understand you," I said for the billionth time. "The girl hangs out with mythical creatures, yet she's afraid of Hallowe'en greasepaint monsters." Clucking my tongue, and thoroughly enjoying her squirmy yet inadvertent contact with my dick, I carried her down another corridor, and a window lit up, with laughing, plastic zombies inside.

"Shit!" Bella yelped, while I laughed myself silly. My mate pressed her clammy forehead against my neck. "It's not real. I don't know why I'm so upset when it's only pretend." Her heart was going a mile a minute.

I set her down in a dark room with phosphorescent skulls and spooky stuff painted on the walls, and checked around for security cameras. There weren't any. It was a serious lack of security, and a missed marketing gimmick. They could have been showing video of patrons getting scared silly to people on the street outside. Still, a lack of cameras was definitely working to my advantage, so I wasn't about to complain.

"Isabella Marie."

"Uh-huh?" she gulped, shaking like a leaf. I tipped her chin up and rubbed noses with her, realizing that she couldn't see me; it was too dark here for my poor little lamb.

"Isabella, would I let anything hurt you?" I whispered, pressing kisses to each corner of her mouth.

"N-no," she whimpered.

"Would I take you anywhere where you could get hurt?" I husked, nuzzling her ear.

"N-no."

"It's nice and dark in here, don't you think?" I asked, palming her backside with both hands. Her mood did an abrupt about-face, and I scented her arousal. Grr-wow.

"Y-yeah," she agreed happily, sending a hand up the front of my shirt to undo a button. I captured it gently and moved it to press against the bulge in my chinos. A soft sound escaped me. My mate was no longer trying to get away. Bouya. I unzipped my fly and pushed her fingers against my cotton-bound cock, a soft growl thrumming in my chest.

"What if we get caught?" my Bella hissed, rubbing my dick nevertheless. Oh, the sensations; her fingers felt so hot and overwhelming. I swallowed venom hastily.

"Mind reader," I murmured, tugging at the button on her Capris.

Bella stilled. "That didn't work with Charlie."

"Hush." Lifting her thigh around me, I placed my middle finger in her wet, swollen folds, and thrilled as she grunted. I hid her sounds in a kiss, and then broke it, pulling in air. "Number one, I wasn't expecting Charlie to show up; I thought we had the whole night to ourselves. Number two, the closest people in this ridiculous edifice are three rooms back. Number three, you have been driving me mad all day and I am not going to last more than a few minutes. Now, stop arguing and be very, very quiet." I pressed her back against a wall.

"Unhhh!" she wailed loudly as I thumbed her clit and thrust my finger deep inside.

"Sshh!" I chuckled, capturing her mouth with mine. We rubbed at each other, while tongues laved necks and jaws, and the annoying, stale air hissed out of jets, tinned creepy sounds issued from speakers, and humans occasionally yelped, squeaked and snickered in other rooms.

"I can't believe we're doing this," my Bella breathed, grinding desperately against my hand.

"I'm a very bad vampire," I rumbled against her neck.

"You should be naughty more often," she gasped.

"We are definitely going to do this again," I rasped, thrusting up against her palm.

Our breathing became uneven as the intensity of our touches increased. I dreamed of the day when Bella and I would be joined, and watched her jaw clench as she arched away from me.

"Cum for me, Bella," I murmured, urging her on with my fingers.

"I can't," she squealed, eyelashes fluttering. "We have to walk around in public."

"Ah, yes. Show me how wet I make you." Quickly, I pulled Bella's Capris down to her knees, leaving her bare. She gasped in shock. Turning her around, I held her against my body with one arm, with my legs spread and knees bent a little, which effectively created a seat for her. I resumed rubbing her clit, and she swallowed a cry, her jism running through my fingers and splattering onto the floor. Venom flooded my mouth, and I strangled my own voice, shaking, and joined her at the pinnacle.

Releasing my breath in a long purr, I set my slightly-dazzled mate down carefully, and dressed her. She leaned against me as though all her bones had turned to jelly. "Smells a lot better in here, now," I smiled smugly. After giving her a kiss, I picked her up around my middle again, and moved forward. I heard humans enter the room we had just vacated, and chuckled softly, kissing my mate's temple. Her scent enveloped me like a downy blanket.

"Mr Cullen? You are wicked. Do you realize other people are going to step in that?"

I cackled unrepentantly, drunk on love. I certainly did. "There are worse things they could step in."

Bella drew back her head and attempted to see me. She couldn't. "Dude. Are you marking territory on me?"

A skeleton on a spring launched forward in the alcove to our left. Bella was too blissed out to jump. I am the man. We continued down the crooked hall.

"Bella," I crooned.

"Mm-hmm?" she sighed.

"I am not the one leaving scent on the floor. _You_ are. So I think you have that backwards."

"I would say it's a shame there's no vampire around to smell us, but I'm not going there," she joshed.

"Let's not and say we did," I said seriously. I wanted to razz her. Did I dare? Oh, yeah. I was in a mood. It must have had something to do with running away from home and all. "The gang of kids behind us is too inexperienced to know what they're smelling."

"Yeah?"

"Mmm. And they're going to get your scent all over their sneakers," I tsk tsked, shaking my head. My mate blushed so hotly that I didn't have to see her to know she was red. I could have felt the heat at three paces.

Bella gasped. "Are you saying you'll be able to smell me on them?"

"Stick close to me tonight," I teased, "because I might have trouble following the right trail."

"You!" she squeaked.

"It's a shame I didn't think of it when we were laying a false trail for the Newborns," I said, tongue planted firmly in cheek. Like I would ever share her squirt with anyone.

Oh, that just sounded wrong.

"Edward Cullen!" my Bella gasped.

"Sprinkling your jizz around would have been a lot better than having you cut yourself," I said nonchalantly. "And it would have been a lot more fun for both of us." My fiancée attempted to break her hand by slapping my chest. I kissed her fingers better while she tried not to laugh.

"Urgh! You are incorrigible."

"It would have demonstrated my claim. Of course, the wolves would have really hated it," I conceded. Especially a certain wolf.

"Oh. My. God. You did not just go there. You are positively-" my mate squealed.

Lights strobed, and a dummy wolf popped up in front of us, snarling. I actually flinched. Bella's eyes danced. I gave her a panty-melting look and she licked her lips, her eyes growing heavy. "Scared, Mr Cullen?"

"Terrified," I growled, one brow raised. I kissed Bella languidly, and she sighed into my mouth. I ignored the fake snarling dog utterly, just as I would have face-palmed the real one. The days were gone when I would have let him put me off-stride. I kissed my mate until she was in danger of swooning. "Breathe."

"I can't believe you're joking about the _Kwoli_."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I don't like dogs. I've had several bad experiences with canines."

"I'll protect you," my little minx promised, stroking the nape of my neck. The group of chattering kids behind us came stumbling into the corridor, and I marched forward to get us away from them.

The last six jets of air in the final hallway were laughable, really. Then, I smelled something truly awful. It wasn't funny at all. I considered having a full-scale OCD fit.

"Ew," I said, nose wrinkling and muscles a-quiver.

"Ew," Bella agreed. "Smells like some kid wet his pants."

"Smells like a lot of kids wet their pants," I grimaced. Ahead, a lot of sheepskin-clad dummies were suspended from ropes. It was impossible to get out without passing between them, and I was certain my girl would be horrified, as they would be quite invisible to her. "Bella, can you see?"

"No, it's pitch black," she confirmed.

"There are a lot of big dummies suspended from the ceiling, and they have sheepskin coats. We're going to bump into them as we go out."

"Okay," she acknowledged, draping her head over my shoulder. I collected her thick curtain of hair into my hand so it wouldn't rub up against the oily, odiferous sheepskins. Holding my breath, I maneuvered us through the dummies as quickly as humanly possible, disliking it when the silly things brushed up against our bodies.

The funhouse exited into a large souvenir shop. A human girl stood outside the exit, handing out coupons. "How was your trip through The Haunted House?" she asked me, handing us a brochure of coupons for other attractions.

"It wasn't scary," I shrugged. The girl looked at my Bella, who looked all flushed and windblown, like she had just finished running a marathon.

I am the man.

"Nope, not scary at all," Bella asserted, crawling down my front to stand up. She smoothed down her clothes and hair, still bright-eyed from our little adventure.

I leaned in to speak quietly to the poor shop girl. Imagine having to hand out coupons for a living! "You should tell your manager that we thought the scariest part of the whole thing was the odour in this last room. The dummies need to become acquainted with some bleach."

She looked both ways like her boss was going to materialize out of the woodwork. "I know. It's the little kids and the drunks. I bleach the floor twice a day."

"Look into some enzymatic pet stain remover," I suggested.

"Enzymatic pet stain remover, eh?" she echoed, nodding emphatically. "Thanks."

"Anytime." I took Bella's hand and tugged her through the store's bright interior, back toward the neon-charged darkness of the street.

She pulled back her head to regard me in amusement. "Bet you're sorry now that you went in there. Those sheepskins smelled disgusting."

"Not as bad as the sticky floor," I said, feeling my nose wrinkle again. "But I will never regret taking you in there, Bella. Never."

"You're a fun date, Mr Cullen," my mate grinned, eyes smouldering.

"I aim to please," I drawled, putting on the dazzle.

She cupped my cheek. "You succeed."

"R-really?" I asked shyly.

"Really." Bella smiled softly, giving my arm a squeeze.

We crossed quietly at the lights, and turned left to enter the walled garden at the foot of the Hill. There were stone walls, and benches, and any number of gorgeous flowers in it: an oasis of peace beside blocks and blocks of chaos. Who would have thought?

"Hm. Lots of calla lilies," my mate mused. "What do they mean, Edward?"

I rooted through my capacious memory. " 'Magnificent beauty'. And they're associated with the sixth wedding anniversary."

"They're gorgeous."

We walked up to the edge of the upper tier of the garden, and looked over the railing at the foot of the hill below. Across the road at the bottom of the park, the Falls sent up their soothing mist into the heavens. Bella and I stared like a couple of sappy dates as an incredible amount of water rushed over the brink, onto the rocks below. It was amazingly noisy, even at a distance.

"Beautiful," she breathed.

"Yes," I stated, staring at the center of my universe. She turned to me, and realized that I was talking about her, not the scenery. She turned pink all over.

"How bad to I smell?" Bella asked gruffly.

"Huh?"

"After going through those stinky sheepskins, how bad do I smell?" she repeated. In answer, I held up a slightly sticky hand between us, so that the scent of her ejaculate was plain to even a human nose. My mate turned red as a beet. How cute was that!

"Do you want to go and wash?" she whispered.

"No. I like wearing your scent. It makes me feel powerful," I purred.

"Kiss me," she blurted out, lashes fluttering. I obliged her. A lot. And I let my hands wander a little, amusing not a few passers-by, who seemed to think we needed to get a room. I felt myself slipping into a Bella-induced, toasty fog, and decided I could happily stay in that state forever. But after about half an hour of smooching, a cool breeze touched us and Bella shivered.

"I guess we had better go somewhere warm," I suggested. "Where would you like to go? A restaurant? Casino?"

"I want you to take me back to our room," she directed me, rubbing her hip against my painfully hard cock.

"Don't you want to sightsee?" I offered reluctantly.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Edward, we have eternity to sightsee. Kindly shove the Victorian gentleman into his box and gimme the seventeen-year-old vampire. Take me back to the hotel, please."

I wasn't about to argue with that.


	19. Chapter 19: Emo

**Chapter 19: Emo**

**Jmolly (**_**Taps pen**_**): Ed? You are **_**seriously**_** annoying me.**

**Edward (**_**Crosses arms and pouts**_**): It's my story. And you promised me stuff that hasn't happened yet. And stop calling me 'Ed'. You're confusing Emmett. And I'm dangerously frustrated. What's up with that!**

**Jmolly: This story was meant to be complete at the end of August. You are keeping me from '**_**Dove**_**' and '**_**Make Haste'**_**. Don't you want your baby to be born? Aren't you ready to be a Daddy?**

**Edward (**_**Looking dangerous**_**): It's not my fault RL keeps interfering with your writing schedule. What does RL mean, anyway? Tell my story, or I'll run you through Bella's chipper-shredder.**

**Jmolly: You get 22 pages here, and about 25 more after that. That's IT. Do you hear me? This is seriously getting embarrassing. I keep telling our readers, 'the next chapter is the last one'. Well, the next one really is the last. It's almost finished.**

**Edward (**_**Eyes flashing**_**): It had better have my mind-blowing orgasm in it. Do I even cum in this chapter? Does anybody know? Hey, Minx! Do we cum in this chapter?**

**Jmolly (**_**Stiffly**_**): Perhaps you want a new writer. One who lets you go from being incapable of touching Bella at all to doling out multiple orgasms five pages later with perfect technique? Or perhaps you'll bite her and you won't end up with a daughter at all.**

**Edward (**_**Runs nervous hand through hair**_**): I thought you loved me.**

**Jmolly: I do. You got your extra chapters, yeah? Now be a good boy and go narrate the story.**

**Edward (**_**Sweetly**_**): Thank you, Dona Jessica.**

**Jmolly: Lord! You do know you've messed up my canon, right? You and Bella weren't meant to bathe together until 'Minibusted'.**

**Edward: Well, that's a tub. This is a shower.**

**Jmolly: You're naked either way.**

**Edward: Awesome. So when are you rewriting '_Minibusted'_?**

**Jmolly: Aaargh!**

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement, and no resemblance to persons living or dead, is intended.**

**Thursday, July 21, 2005, 10pm:**

_**Niagara Falls, Ontario:**_

_**Edward's pov:**_

Having memorized a map of the area, I swung Bella up onto my back and jogged over a couple of streets and up another.

"You know, I'm going to get fat from being carried all the time," she grumbled, softening the complaint with a kiss to my jugular.

We were only a block from our hotel. I set Bella down, copping a feel while suppressing an eye roll. "I'm in a hurry," I whined through clenched teeth, eliciting a chuckle from her. She hugged my arm and attempted to anchor me to the spot. I bit back a sigh and complied.

Bella narrowed her eyes, but I could see a smile lurking around the edges. "If you roll your eyes like that, they might get stuck that way."

"Hush up," I smirked, my annoyance melting away. Who could be selfish in face of such affection? "You're stealing my lines."

"I think I need to give you a lesson in delayed gratification," she joshed, batting her eyelashes. She was fully aware of the effect she had on me. Little minx.

"Grr," I pouted playfully. "Haven't I had nineteen months of that?"

"Brat."

"Takes one to know one, Dearest." We walked the last block to our accommodations so slowly that it almost felt like we were going backwards. But we admittedly made it there before I spontaneously combusted. I was having a dickens of a time being patient. I glared at my minx while her eyes sparkled, and she leaned in so that she could kiss me on both cheeks. I may have whimpered a little.

I held open the glass door for Bella, and escorted her into the lobby of the Hampton. It wasn't a five star hotel, since in peak season, the best suites everywhere were booked, but it was still a rather attractive inn, and had the advantage of being brand new and clean. As another bonus, it had a sauna.

I was really starting to get attached to the concept of owning a sauna, even if we wouldn't need it for long. Skin-to-skin time _must_ be maximized. Oh, holy crow! If we had a sauna of our own, we could enjoy skin-to-skin time right _in_ the sauna! Double win!

The inn was laid out in a square, and room windows opened onto the lobby, almost as though it was meant to be a central courtyard. There were a lot of people about; some sitting on couches or in the café area, some standing at the desk, and others in the pool, which was slightly elevated and partially hidden behind a wood and glass wall off to the right. We passed a pet toucan in a cage to the left. It was a beautiful bird, admittedly funny-looking, as its head was easily as big as its body. I felt a little sorry for it, trapped in a cage, however large, for the duration of its life. It shimmied along its perch, on bright red feet, to eye Bella curiously, emitting an ear-splitting squawk.

Bella changed course toward the bird. "Hello, Baby," she cooed, reaching out a finger to it. It let her touch its feathers, squawking again. Bella's lashes brushed her cheek, and I drank up her tenderness for the creature. Was that how she looked at me? Sometimes, perhaps. Her pleased eyes met mine. "Aren't you going to touch him?"

"It won't let me." I shrugged dismissively. Birds and animals had a natural aversion to my kind.

"Try," Bella coaxed. Sighing, I put out my hand, and she wrapped hers around it. Amazingly, the bird sat still, and allowed us to touch its feathers. Its body felt so hot and fragile, the feathers sleek and smooth. A new measure of hope bloomed inside me. I decided I really liked birds.

"See? It knows you don't mean it any harm," my mate declared while I swallowed the lump in my throat. The bird shuffled away to retrieve a piece of kibble from its dinner dish.

"When's the last time an animal let you touch it?" Bella wondered, taking my hand, which was still tingling with the texture of living feathers, to tug me toward the elevator.

"Uh, 1920," I murmured, replaying the new experience in my head. Bella was truly taking me so many places that I had never been before, that it was sometimes difficult to focus on the present.

"You need to rely less on your assumptions, Love," my mate told me when the elevator doors had shut.

I nodded briefly in acknowledgement. I had been considering that since the day Bella took me back.

We got off the elevator on Eight. I swiped the key card, and held the room door open for my girl. She headed straight for the john. "Human moment."

" 'Kay," I acknowledged, kicking off my shoes. I shut the drapes, flicked on the TV, and made myself comfortable on the big white bed. Minutes ticked by and Bella did not emerge from the lavatory. I heard the shower turn on.

I got up and presented myself at the door, preparing to knock and ask why I had not been invited in. Then, I heard my Bella yawn. Oh, how inconsiderate of me! My heart flooded with remorse. My girl was tired, and I was pushing myself at her as though she was as durable as a vampire. Berating myself for being selfish, I let my hand drop, resolved to give her a rest. We could get more practice when she had slept. Mr Ed would have to wait.

Propping myself up with the pillows, I crossed my ankles and surfed channels. The inn had movies on offer that were still in theatres. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Shortly, Bella emerged from her ablutions. Steam rolled into the room, saturating it with her natural perfume. "Do you want to watch a movie?" I asked without looking. "They have the new '_Batman'_."

"There's only one thing I want," my mate purred. I turned to her in question, and quite nearly expired on the spot.

Of _course_ she was naked. What else would she be? And wet, and warm, and pink from the shower. And not too tired for me. My spirit soared: I was one lucky guy. Too bad I lost the power of coherent speech every time my little minx asserted herself, or I would be able to express my appreciation.

Bella crawled up the end of the bed on her hands and knees, and it did not escape my eternally seventeen-year-old eyes that her backside was nicely showcased in the mirror, atop the long dresser, beside the TV. _OMG I have a panoramic view. OMG what a lecherous thought! Behave like a gentleman! Do not push your mate down and ravish her, Cullen! Keep the Last Commandment, you lascivious-minded son of a vampire!_

My beloved mate crawled up my legs and lay down sinuously upon them, radiating heat. She gauged me carefully for my reaction, and when I failed to pounce, she nosed her face against my crotch. Groaning, I arched my back, lifting her on my pubic bones, and parted my legs so that she might rest between, with her arms to the outside of my hips. Bella nuzzled my balls. Could life get much sweeter?

Apparently, yes!

"Oh!" I gasped, writhing, because my mate had her teeth wrapped around my chino-ensconced shaft and was clamping down on it. And drooling. A lot. I fisted the bedding, barely containing my ardour. Danger. My Bella was in danger.

"Bella!" I cried, hands grasping at air rather than her hair. "You're going to damage your teeth!"

"You mean… because of your…?" she winced.

"No," I yelped. "I'm worried about the zipper."

"Oh, no problem," she declared, face clearing. _Zip!_ She whisked it down, and neatly folded back the edges of my fly, giving them a neat pat onto my hipbones.

"Geez!" I squealed, my mood shifting into hyperdrive. And then her mouth was on white-Calvin-coated Mr Ed, who began simultaneously weeping with gratitude and begging for more. Holy sh-crow! I lasted all of three-and-a-half seconds before humiliating myself. Bella purred, swirling her tongue over my glans, imprisoned in the slippery boxer-briefs. I totally forgot about being embarrassed, and concentrated on not doing my mate harm with an inadvertent thrust.

She tightened her lips around me and sucked hard, and I quite nearly poked my fingertips right through the pillow-top of the mattress. She sucked again, loudly. I _may_ have muttered some absolute nonsense while virtually losing track of reality. I'm not quite sure. When I stopped seeing the white light, I looked between my legs, panting, and realized that the minxy kitty was giving Mr Ed a bath through the knit material of the Calvin's. She raised her bedroom eyes and scorched me to cinders, running the tip of her index finger lightly up and down my shaft.

Vampires _love_ licking.

"How was that?" Bella asked, licking swollen red lips and smiling languidly at me.

Mercy.

My head clunked back against the padded headboard. "You're going to be the death of me," I rasped. If her touch was this intense through knit briefs, what on earth was it going to be like when she put me in her mouth without any barrier? I would probably go up in a puff of purple smoke.

Bella stroked her fingernails in light circles over my balls, driving me mad. "If you lost the underwear," she suggested, "it would be ho-"

Coherent thought rushed out of my head, venom surged into my mouth, and it was all I could do not to grab Bella and sink my teeth into her tender flesh. With a frustrated snarl, I wrenched myself in the opposite direction to that which I wanted. Facing away from her, curled up like a weak infantile sap, I pressed the heel of my hand to my now-aching forehead, not breathing. Bella did not move for quite a long time. I mean, twelve minutes is a long time for her. She's wiggly.

"Hey," she breathed at last, while I attempted to blend in with the white duvet. "Hey, Mocha-chino. It's okay."

"It's not okay," I husked without breathing in. "How am I ever going to keep my promise?"

"Ssh," she breathed, pressing a kiss to my shoulder, and resting her face on it. "I frustrated you. I shouldn't have done it. We have plenty of time. You'll be fine."

"Three weeks," I fretted, taking a tentative breath. My venom was still flowing. I ran my tongue over my teeth to collect it, and swallowed. I was still itching to sink my incisors into my mate. Why did life have to be so unfair?

"You've made a lot of progress since Sunday," my fiancée reminded me.

"Yes. But…"

"But what?" she wondered.

"But it's really hard not to bite you. I'm always tempted to bite you when you…"

"When I?" she prompted.

"When you…act like a vampire," I said shyly. "When you… assert your… affections."

"Okay, Love. I won't push you so hard. Why don't you get undressed, and I'll give you a nice massage?"

More venom coursed into my mouth, and I started to tremble beneath conflicting desires: _keep Bella safe, or keep Mr Ed happy? Keeping Mr Ed happy might just keep Bella happy, too. Pleasing Bella would be a very good thing. An unhappy Bella would be a bad thing. Must keep Bella happy at all costs._ Yeah: big old male vampire pwned by 108 pound human girl. Go figure. Well, she's relentless, even when she doesn't mean to be.

"I'll put on my pajamas, and we can watch a movie and spoon up like a couple of baby cats," she suggested.

"Okay," I agreed, cheering up. That sounded … tame enough.

Bella snagged our bag, and scooted into the bathroom to dress. I rolled onto my back with a sigh, ruminating upon the maddening forward-march of the universe. In some ways, time could not pass quickly enough until our wedding day. In others, it was moving way too fast. _Tick tock. You're deflowering your mate in three weeks, hello! You'd better practice your heart out. Without stopping hers. Moron._

Quickly, I divested myself of clothes, exempting underwear, and climbed under the covers. Bella practically skipped into the room. She had on her aquamarine blue satin pajamas, minus the shirt, wearing only the spit-through matching top made of lace. My favourite one, with spaghetti straps that just begged to be slipped from her shoulders. The top that let her nipples… _Oh, in the name of all that's holy! Somebody help me not to do anything rash. OMG she's so hawt. I can't decide what's minxier: Bella in lace, or Bella naked. Yummy either way. Too yummy. Perhaps I ought to pull out all my teeth temporarily. _ Little melodramatic, but I _was_ an Emo, according to Jazz.

"Mocha-chino," my mate whispered silkily, lifting the covers to slip into bed. She was so minxy, and still managed to come across as having fleece as white as snow.

It was enough to drive me absolutely freakin' mad.

"H-hi," I managed to squawk out. Bella smirked at me.

"Feeling shy?"

I winced. "N-not … really."

"How come you're not touching me, then?" she asked innocently.

I ran my hand nervously through my hair. "If I say you look delectable, please understand that I _mean _that. Literally."

Bella blinked, and then she laughed at me. I had to disabuse her of the notion that I was joshing.

"I mean it, Bella," I said sternly. Her damp hair smelled appealingly of strawberries and warm rain.

"Okay, okay," she said, waving her hands in surrender. "We can just cuddle."

I thought that was the idea in the first place! "No, you're going to get too close to my teeth," I asserted grumpily.

"What if I spoon you from behind?" Bella suggested.

I thought about it for a minute.

"Wait," I ordered, getting up. I hurried into the bathroom, grabbed a large towel, and draped it over the mirror, hiding most of it. Then I climbed back into bed, picking up the TV remote. "Movie?"

"How about that one?" Bella suggested, pointing. "It looks cute."

I arched a brow at her. "Seriously? _'Shark Boy and Lava Girl'_?"

"They don't sound compatible," she ribbed me. "Chilly boy predator with sharp teeth meets a really hot chick. I want to see how it works out. And it's a musical."

"Okay," I sighed, and ordered it. And just about instantly regretted it: the boy in the lead role looked an _awful_ lot like a certain dog I disliked intensely. If I wasn't careful, I was going to fall into a funk.

"Wow, I wonder if that kid is related to Jacob," Bella remarked.

I lay down on my side and pouted a little. Bella put her arm around me from behind, to trace a lazy path through the hair on my chest. I decided that pouting was a waste of time. Isabella Swan was marrying _me_, and at present, she was wearing minxy lace for _me_, and stroking _my_ abs, not those of the dog. Pushing away my moodiness, I released a satisfied sigh.

"Edward?" She traced her hand over my still heart, and rested her warm palm against it.

"Mm?"

"I'm yours." She kissed the back of my shoulder affectionately.

"Mine," I agreed. "Forever, Bella?"

"Forever and ever." She combed her fingers comfortingly through my hair, and I shut my eyes, happiness oozing out of me. Jealousy might be unattractive, but it was undeniably real. If Jacob Black could only see me now, maybe he would know his hopes were dead. Well, I wasn't about to snap a photo and send it to him, as tempting as it might be to goad him. Surely I could be more mature than an adolescent wolf-boy. I had eighty-plus years' practice at dealing with angst. I ought to feel sorry for him. Besides, not allowing the dog to ruin a second more of my existence would be the ultimate kick in the teeth.

I focused on the sensation produced by my Bella's hands, which were now running smoothly across my back, and felt my muscles uncoil. My mate, like me, seemed to have hands with a mind of their own. They liked to explore me. A lot. Unfortunately, there was still that pesky problem of venom. I gulped it down, and rolled onto my front. I didn't think I could handle it if Bella touched my dick, and her hands were moving progressively downward. She moved over top of me, straddling my back, and started to rub my shoulders. I decided that was perfect. I didn't need her to be strong to do it; all I wanted was the affection, and healing heat seemed to travel out of her hands into me.

"Mocha-chino?"

"Yes, Love?"

"I love you."

I smiled into the pillow. "I love you, too."

My mate's hair brushed my shoulders, and she set a kiss on my back. And _then_, she licked a long line up my backbone, making me shudder. My hands smoothed up the sheets, and I hid them under my pillow, where they could not capture and grasp my darling girl too tightly. Her tongue travelled slowly over my back, leaving me coated in Bella-scent. It was all I could do not to purr like a satisfied tomcat. Purring was one of those things about us that didn't strike me as terribly masculine, along with sparkling and knowing how to sort a load of laundry. But I was bloody tempted to show Bella my feminine side.

"Edward," she moaned.

"Bella?"

"Your pillow is terrified for its life."

Disconcerted, I evaluated my conduct. My hands were knotted up in my pillow, and it was stretched to the point of bursting. I released my grip on it with difficulty, and brought my hands gently to my sides.

"Why so tense, Love?" my mate asked me, caressing my back oh so gently.

"I'm … conflicted," I decided. "Scared I'll bite you."

She kissed the top of my shoulder. "Vampires love licking."

"Yes."

"So why are you conflicted?" she wondered, stroking my back. "What is it that's making you scared that you'll bite me?"

I really had no desire to answer that question. It might get us both in over our heads.

"Let me think," Bella whispered. She kissed the small of my back, and my glutes tightened. "You carry so much tension, and I just made it worse. I want to make it better. How's the old injury?" Bella put her hands between my legs and rubbed my inner thigh muscle. The one I hurt when Tyler's van hit us. I hadn't let her touch it in a long time. A _very _long time by human standards: February 7th of 2004.

"It's fine," I grunted, but she kept rubbing it anyway. I couldn't decide whether to push her hand away or move it higher. The minx was driving me mad.

"What would happen if I used massage oil on you? Would it absorb?"

"Unlikely," I sighed. "You'd just get me slicked up like a greased pig."

"Oh, Mr Cullen! You talk so dirty. I am going to have to try that."

_Boing! _"Isabella Marie!"

The minx grabbed my foot. "This little piggy went to market," she sing-songed.

"Not ticklish there," I laughed, breaking the tension.

"Drat. Ummm… Alice put warming oil in our bag," she persisted.

"You're _not _greasing me up!" I grinned, wondering if she'd actually try.

"It's coconut."

"No," I insisted, secretly wishing that she would argue with me.

"Yes."

_Yes. _"No. Seriously." I eyed her sidelong, wondering what she might say next.

"Fine!" she said, throwing up her hands and rolling her eyes. "I'll just have to find another way to make you all slippery."

"Isabella!" I squeaked, delighted. "That's scandalous!" It was then that she slipped her hands into the back of my Calvin's, and tugged them smoothly down past my backside. Mr Ed informed me he was being strangled. I adjusted myself at vamp speed, leaving my underwear wadded up beneath me. My hands knotted themselves up into the pillow again. So much for relaxing.

Bella put on a silly deep voice. "Padawan Cullen."

I cleared my burning throat. "Yes, Master Yoda?"

"Pillow innocent is. Die not must he."

"Innocent are _you_, and _willing_ is Pillow to himself sacrifice to … keep you safe," I gulped. Bella laid down, half-on my back, half-on the bed, and hitched her leg around me. She started to stroke my hair. Her nails scratched gentle circles on my scalp. It felt nice. Venom pooled in my mouth and trickled into my throat, soothing it.

"You will never hurt me, Love," she told me as usual.

"I'm … too wired," I protested.

"Then just relax. I promise not to do anything too minxy."

"Impossible," I declared, doing my best not to drool silver venom all over the pillow. "You could be wearing the flannelette unicorn pajamas right now, and it would still kill me."

"La, Mr Cullen, if you don't know _just_ how to flatter a girl! Kindly remove the Calvin's, and I promise I won't touch anything on the front of your body. No thigh-tickles, no purple nurples, no licking the Tootsie Pop, no spanking the monkey, nada."

"I feel it necessary to ask you your intentions," I joshed with a straight face, "since you have a much more dangerous imagination than you have been letting on."

Bella's warm hand coasted down my back. "I want to take care of you. I want to learn your body. Let me give you a massage, and if you feel comfortable with that, we can discuss some licking."

"Oh, Love, in the name of all that's holy, stop talking about licking! You keep it up, and I'm going to poke a hole right through this mattress, never mind rend Poor Pillow in twain."

"What are you going to use to poke the hole?"

"Isabella!"

"You walked right into that. Seems to me I'm doing a good job of keeping _It_ up."

"Isabella!"

"Pillow-rending, huh? I could make something out of that," my minx mused. "Pillow rending… pillow biting…"

"Jeez Louise!" I gasped, and then put the pillow in jeopardy again, for my mate had quickly darted down and sucked what felt like half my glute into her mouth. So much for due warning! I swear fireworks went off in my head. The _lower_ one. I sagged into the bed, robbed of speech. And then, Bella's tongue licked a broad line from my tailbone all the way up to my earlobe, which she sucked eagerly. So hot and wet. My eyes rolled back in my head completely. My minx was now straddling me, her satin-clad bottom warm against the small of my back, her hair tickling at my shoulders, and her nipples brushing the back of my ribs. She released my ear to blow hot air in it, and I decided that if she was going to be the death of me, it was one hell of a great way to go.

"You always taste so good," Bella moaned, knotting her fingers in my hair and tugging my head to the side. "Can I lick under your jaw?"

"Please," I said tightly. Recklessly.

My mate collapsed onto me, only the thin layer of lace separating her tits and my skin, and laved the sensitive scars on my neck. I huffed out a shaky breath. With her mouth, Bella traced a path to the back of my neck, and rested her hands on the tops of my shoulders. Gradually, she licked her way onto the right one, and started to suck at the supraspinatus muscle.

"Don't bite me!" I gasped.

"Ssh. I'm not going to bite you," she crooned, and kissed it. "You have the cutest mole on the back of your neck. It begs for kisses." She pressed soft ones to it, and then trailed a line of them down my back. My body missed the heat of hers, but the kisses were beyond awesome. Bella rested her hip on the mattress, smoothing her hands over my glutes. "Please, Edward, take the underwear off all the way. I'm not going to rape you."

_Damn._

_Hey! No, no, no! Must keep that Last Commandment. No joshing, I still want to wait. Better slow this down a little bit. I want a wedding. Biting Bella now is not an option. Use your head, Cullen! The one with the brain in it._

_Licking… vampires love licking. Vampires love licking more than weddings… _

_Ugh! Must. Be. Good._

"Um," I said, gulping. "Will you turn your back, please?"

"What, no striptease tonight?" she joshed.

"You're tempting me!" I warned.

"Sorry," Bella said, not looking sorry at all. She rolled off the bed and watched TV while I divested myself of my last stitch of clothing. I sincerely hoped my parents were not watching me from their little puffy cloud. Scary thought.

"This musical sucks," Bella laughed.

"I guess it's meant for the younger set," I shrugged, lying down on my stomach again. After a moment's thought, I grabbed my underwear off the floor, and stuffed it under Mr Ed. I didn't want to 'sleep' in a patch of slimy jism all night, and I rather thought that might be the consequence of ill-preparation. Always be prepared.

What! Of _course_ I was a Boy Scout. The club took root in Chicago in 1910. I can still tie any knot imaginable, and I have the badges to prove it.

"Can I come back yet?" my Bella enquired.

"Yes."

"Feeling more comfortable?" she wondered, resting her face on the small of my back while running her hand up and down the back of my thigh. I started to squirm, and her hand stilled. "Sorry." She sat up and leaned on her elbow beside me.

I turned my face toward her. "You scare me. A lot."

"Why?" she asked softly, tracing a finger along my brow.

"I'm scared you'll open me up, and release something … bad."

Bella got the slyest look on her face.

"Like a hundred year old fart?" she demanded, arching her brow.

I choked on my own tongue, completely speechless, while my Bella laughed herself stupid. It took me a few minutes to reconnect my brain to my mouth.

"Isabella Marie, you did not just go there!" I gasped.

"And what if I did?" she challenged me, peering at me from under her lashes.

"I'll be arranging a formal spanking for you, that's what!" I promised, still gaping.

Bella rolled her eyes. "You aren't bad, Edward. Now let me give you my affection. We both need it."

I weighed the risks. We did need the affection. Bella was right. "Okay."


	20. Chapter 20: Touching

**Chapter 20: Touching**

**Jmolly: Complete. Do **_**not**_** ask me for more.**

**Edward: Thanks for keeping your promise. Bella and I enjoyed it. When are you re-doing 'Minibusted'?**

**Jmolly: I couldn't leave you unsatisfied, could I? Every bit of your skin has now been touched. Congratulations on that. Why are you even asking me questions? You should be glowing right now. You got 31 pages. You're down to three weeks. We don't want your Bella sporting teeth marks early, do we? Must have that big ole vampire wedding, eh?**

**Edward: Stop answering my question with another question. Bella always gets mad when I do that. When?**

**Jmolly **_**(Sighs**_**): Christmas?**

**Edward: What are you writing next?**

**Jmolly (**_**Hits head on desk**_**): You are relentless. I'm working on the next chapter of 'Dove', and the first chapter of 'Make Haste'. And somewhere in there, I'm trying to finish my own book. It's not a saga like yours, it's just a little comedy-romance, but you know, I NEED TO GET PUBLISHED.**

**Leah: Hey! You can't do that! You left me high and dry!**

**Jmolly (**_**Pinching eyes shut**_**): Heaven help my heart. You see what I have to put up with? Leah, I left you and Ivo in a fade-to-black in Edward's office. Do what you want. That fic is rated T.**

**Leah (**_**Crosses arms**_**): We want to get married. I haven't had sex in a long time. You could give us a smuttake.**

**Jmolly: I resent the word 'smut' in connection with my writing. I write lovemaking, not smut.**

**Edward (**_**Mutters**_**): Erotica.**

**Jmolly: Fine. Tell Ivo I'll write you an outtake when I'm done the first chappie of MH.**

**Mulder: You left me and Scully high and dry, too. MONTHS ago.**

**Jmolly (**_**Hits palm on desk repeatedly, then whimpers**_**): OMG. I have huge plans for you and Scully. I just can't let them out yet. You know, your story is taking on a lot more importance than I originally intended.**

**Mulder (**_**Raising brow**_**): Really.**

**Scully: Well, that's some comfort, I suppose. But speaking as a doctor, I should tell you that it is unhealthy to leave a man with blue balls for months at a time.**

**Edward, Emmett, Mulder, and Jazz: YEAH!**

**Jasper: Did you all happen to notice that Dona Jessica stopped writing our fics right when we **_**all**_** were due for a lemon?**

**Jmolly: Go find your mates and leave me be. I need a night off. I need inspiration. I need Anthony. I need to pack the children off to my mother's for the weekend. I need a good-**

**Edward: If you start using the nicknames, we're out of here.**

**Jmolly (**_**Arches brow**_**)**

**Edward: Oh, fuck my life, see you tomorrow!**

**Esme: Swears jar!**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement, and no resemblance to persons living or dead, is intended.

**Friday, June 22****nd****, 2005, circa 11:30pm:**

_**The Hampton Inn, **_

_**5591 Victoria Ave, Niagara Falls Ontario**_

_**Edward's pov:**_

Lying on my stomach, I let my mate put her mouth to places that no one else would ever dare to so much as place hands upon. At first, every time her mouth connected with my skin, I flinched and shuddered. I was so unaccustomed to being touched.

"Please let me use the warming oil, Love," she murmured.

The caress of an oiled hand would surely be less intense than that of my mate's tongue and lips. "I guess that's okay. But we should put down towels first," I said fretfully.

"We can always get a shower after if it's going to bother your OCD," Bella reassured me, pulling her lace camisole off over her head. Oh, boy. I shut my eyes, knowing already that it was too much, and then I heard her satin pants slither to the floor. _Gulp_. I heard her patter into the lavatory to gather some towels.

"There are only two big towels left," she told me, bringing a bunch of little ones.

"Take the one off the mirror," I said, trying not to think about watching her in it. _Down, boy._

Moments later, Bella straddled my ass, pumping oil onto her hands and rubbing them together. She smoothed them onto my back, and the oil began to heat. She ironed my tense muscles with her palms, and soon, they began to ripple and uncoil and lengthen. It was fantastic.

"That's better," my mate said, coating me thoroughly in oil. I may have purred a little. She kept it up for a while, then crawled backward down my legs to knead my glutes. "You have a gorgeous ass, Mr Cullen. I just knew you would. I've wanted to do this for a long time."

"Mmm," I said soppily. Her touch was magical. Healing blossomed in its wake. Who knew that being touched could make a person feel … necessary to someone else's existence? My time of separation from Life was ending. My existence had value, because Bella valued me. I started to daydream about the future. About days I planned to spend with Bella. About the honeymoon, and the cottage my family was restoring on the q-t, and life a hundred years hence.

While I was lost in these happy thoughts, Bella's fingers slipped down my backside, and caressed me somewhere where I was dead certain I'd never been touched since infancy. Mmmm… what!

Holy cat crap, Batman! The world spun, and with a jolt I realized I was gripping Bella's upper arms and Mr Ed was laid out right along her pussy. Somehow I had turned over without dislodging her. Was she fazed at all? Of _course_ not. Bella Swan had no sense of self-preservation. And I was about to totally lose my head.

My mate, heavy-lidded and oblivious to danger, slowly rocked forward against my cock. She was slick and wet and beyond my wildest fantasies and she was damn-well going to get herself bitten.

"Don't!" I cried tightly, my grip on her arms bordering on dangerous. With superhuman effort, I loosed my hands a little. "Cover me I bite!" I growled through my teeth.

Bella awkwardly reached outward, hindered by my grip on her arms, grasped a towel, and somehow managed to get it between us. "Sorry, Love."

"Not your fault. Don't move," I gasped, trying to master my physical responses. "Don't move don't move." Slowing my breathing, I tried to ignore the crazy beating of her heart, and the call of her pulse, visible through her fair skin. "Be very still." I counted her freckles, and eyelashes, and the flecks of gold in her eyes. I started to count the hairs on her head, and as usual got lost after the first few hundred.

Shifting my legs a little, I adjusted my mate's position on my lap. Mr Ed could scream for attention all he wanted: it was imperative to keep my Bella safe from the monster within me. I loosened my grip on her arms a second time, and smoothed my chilly palms over them.

"Keep still, Love. I'm sorry if I frightened you. Did I hurt your arms?"

"Are you kidding? That was hawt." Bella beamed at me.

It was _totally_ hawt. Mr Ed wanted us to repeat the experience. One little nip, and all three of us could have our way. Forever. Looking at the ring on my mate's finger, I let go a shaky breath. "You're tempting me to bite you."

Bella's smile dimmed a little. "Do you want me to get off?"

I cocked a brow at her, unable to resist teasing. "Not … _literally_."

She huffed a laugh. "You are so bad."

"I want you to sit still and let me acclimate to you," I ordered. "And no … writhing."

"Yessir," she said, crossing her eyes and obliterating my broodiness. I decided I was taking myself much too seriously. Lovers touched each other. They didn't consult a Victorian handbook of propriety before doing so.

"Brat," I accused. "It's a good thing you're adorable." She wriggled with delight, provoking Mr Ed to seek out a place to go dancing. He didn't care about style. Mambo or disco? No preference, so long as the venue was hot, wet, and owned by Bella. He had to be stopped. He had no moral scruples whatsoever.

"No writhing!" I said more sternly. "Be still. You're driving me out of my nut."

My mate, forearms resting on her creamy thighs, snorted in a most unladylike way. "Which one?"

I knew I was grinning lopsidedly in response. She never misses the opportunity to razz me. Actually, both my nuts were twitchy. She didn't need to know that. Change of subject: get Bella interested in something less hazardous to her health.

"Bella," I drawled. She sobered up fast, her eyes turning from wicked to sultry.

"Mm-hmm?"

"Did Alice pack… um…" How was I going to ask without getting myself into trouble again? Great plan, Cullen.

"What?"

"A… massage mitt?"

Bella gawped at me, her eyes turning dark. I was definitely screwed, and not in a good way.

"I never _Saw_ anything interesting, I swear!" I blurted out. Bella's eyes narrowed, but I didn't meet them. She growled at me a little. How hawt was that!

"Spa Days," I admitted at top human speed, dying of embarrassment, "but my brothers were great protectors of our virtue. They… dragged me off before I ever caught more than a glimpse."

Bella gawped at me, and then laughed like a lady bear, throwing back her head. It showed off her feminine assets to advantage. "Em and Jazz prevented you from _Looking_ at me? We _are_ talking about the same Em and Jazz, right? The ones who rented us a cabin? The ones who stuffed your binder with condoms when we first started dating? The ones who always talk about you 'needing to lose your cherry'?"

"Yes," I admitted sheepishly.

"And they preserved our honour? Oh, that's rich. Are you funning me?" she asked incredulously.

"Not joshing," I murmured.

"You are… so, so naughty. Perv. How come you never acted your age in front of me before?"

I took it she meant the younger number. "Uh, it wouldn't have been proper."

"Holy crow," my mate said with an eye roll, getting up. "You're a lot more fun now that you've shut up the Victorian." She retrieved the black duffel and dug around in the outside pockets, producing the very pink fluffy bath mitt that featured in so many of my daydreams.

"The Victorian is not gone. He lurks," I admitted, drooling with both heads.

"I know." She paused. "I'm glad. I love him, you know. Even if he is a dinosaur."

"You say the sweetest things," I growled. Bella put oil on the mitt and moved to rub it on my abs. I stilled her. "No, you."

"You want me to massage myself?" she asked incredulously.

I bit back a very naughty reply and did my best not to poke her with my dick. Fail.

"Edward Cullen!" my mate exclaimed, highly amused. I peeked at her, and snorted. She was looking at me like she'd never seen me before.

"I am _not_ massaging my clit with a plush mitten," she declared.

I fake-pouted. "Damn."

My minx turned an alluring red. "Oh! You brat! Why don't _you_ take this and massage me with it?" She shoved the mitt at me.

"I can't," I mourned, looking sadly at it. "It's too much at once. I can look but not touch, or I can touch without looking, or I can lie here passively while you touch me, but I can't do it all at once."

"Yet."

"Yet," I agreed.

"Okay," she acknowledged. My Bella was so patient. Retrieving the bottle of oil, she pumped some more of it onto the mitt. Then, she ran the mitt up her ribs and over her breasts. I tried not to expire on the spot.

"Breathe," she warned me.

"Unnecessary, dangerous, and that's my line," I said, using up my air. I watched Bella sweep the oiled mitt over her soft skin, making it glisten and flush rosy. Were I to take her to the Meadow, and repeat this experience, would her skin sparkle in the sun, or merely glisten? What would Bella look like with skin like mine?

My mate's chocolate eyes smouldered as she ran her hands over her shining flesh. She spent a long time touching herself, her pulse throbbing with desire, and then she got a speculative look in her eye. I knew that look. It spelled 'trouble'. Retrieving the bottle of oil, she held it up, over me, and squirted a long stream of oil onto my middle. She watched me like a hawk, placed the mitt on my abdomen, and started rubbing small circles onto it.

"You okay?" she checked.

"Mm," I nodded, taking in a small sample of air. The coconut-scented oil was appealing, and sent heat blossoming between us. Bella drove the mitt toward my shoulder and brought it back down. I breathed her in, slowly, while she gave me her affection. The mitten felt much better in reality than I had hoped. Bella traced it up my shoulder again, and lifted my arm onto her thigh. She massaged my bicep until it was quite relaxed, and then pulled her bare hand down my arm, and used the mitt to massage my hand. I let out my breath, allowed my fingers to relax, and enjoyed it. After a while, Bella put down my hand and reached to repeat her actions on my other side. As she ministered to me, my second hand unclenched.

For the first time in ages, my hands lay open and relaxed upon the bed. Bella got up, and again, my body missed her heat. She sat beside me, one leg folded and the other extended, and squirted oil onto the mitt. Then, she applied it to my left thigh, not far from the site of the old injury.

I thought back to the early days of our bond:

"_I want you to be able to dance, and that means getting past this injury, that you got while saving my life. And to do that, you need somebody to work on the muscle and ligament so it doesn't heal wrong. I know you're shy, and I know you don't really want anybody to touch you there. But I need you to be... practical."_

"_Practical," I echoed, shocked. I was practical, wasn't I? I had been accused of being a lot of things during my long existence, but 'impractical' was not one of them._

"_Practical. Somebody has to do it, and having somebody in your family do it? Well, I can imagine you would just hate that. And a human massage therapist can't do it, because they would notice how different your body feels from that of everyone else, and that you don't have a femoral pulse. And that Denali girl is not going to touch you, unless she wants to die. You are mine, and if she lays one finger on you, I will stake her through the chest, cut off her head, and stuff her heart in her mouth. So, let me do this for you, Edward. Please?"_

"_Okay," I heard myself saying, but then shook my head fiercely. Couldn't I even say 'no' when I meant it? "No."_

"_Yes," she said calmly._

"_No," I reiterated. "It is not proper for you to touch me like that."_

"_Edward," she breathed in my ear._

"_Yes?"_

"_Let me take care of you, so we can go dancing," she whispered, all silk and lace. "I promise I won't try to touch anything else. You can trust me."_

_I sighed, looking at the ceiling, and hoped my parents were not looking on indignantly from their little puffy cloud. I let her do it._

"The Monday after Tyler's van hit us, the day we were discharged," Bella said, unprompted, returning me to the present.

"When did you start reading my mind?" I joshed.

"The day I met you." She waggled her brows at me like a dime store villain.

"How did you remember that?" I asked, fascinated. Bella always surprised me.

"How could I forget? I had a little Dayplanner. I wrote down all the dates that were special. A year later, I wrote everything out that I could remember, and recited events to comfort myself when…" her voice trailed off sadly.

I put my palm to Bella's cheek, and sat up, pulling her to my chest. "Hush, Love."

"All things happen for a reason," she sighed, resting her head on my chest.

"Huh?" I frowned, drawing letters on her back.

"I memorized a lot of things about us, to keep you real and present. I know all sorts of stuff that most people forget. First kiss?"

I smiled. "Ridiculously easy. Valentine's of 2004. First flowers you brought me?"

"Easy," she smiled, eyes alight. "Thursday, January the 15th, 2004, when I thought you were sick. I came to your house with a delegation from school, and Alice and Jazz had purposefully noisy sex and scared my friends away. Nothing's changed."

"I can't believe you know the date," I chuckled. "Do you remember what the flowers meant?"

Two high spots of colour decorated my mate's cheeks. "Something about eternal love and adoration. Red and white button mums and carnations."

I stroked her hair. "You didn't even know what you were giving me. You barely even knew me." I touched my finger to her nose, and she smiled shyly.

"What did I give you, Edward?" she wondered, twirling a finger through my chest hair.

"Hope."

"Ah. Tell me again about the flowers."

I kissed the top of her head, pulling her close in my arms where she belonged. "Be of good cheer! I love you and admire you. After studying and learning about each other and the world, we shall share a long life, happiness, and a pure and passionate love, and we will live in harmony and be at peace. It's the truth."

"It's the truth," she echoed.

"Yes. The summer caught me by surprise,"I said, writing a name on her back: _Mrs Bella Cullen._

"That's how life works," my mate told me, cupping my jaw to beg a kiss. I pulled her lip between mine and sucked it, careful not to share any venom. Bella kissed me back, purring in a happy human fashion. Soon, we were tangled together as usual, treasuring the experience. I nudged my thigh between hers, and pulled her close around me. We rubbed our bodies together in an effort to obtain friction. It was a little while before I realized there was no longer a towel between me and she, and my dick was lying prisoner between both our bellies. I froze, looking at it.

"I wondered when you were going to notice," Bella muttered timidly. "Sorry for taking advantage of you."

"Sorry? No. For what?" I protested, still transfixed. My dick was rapidly bypassing silver for purple, and moisture was gathering on the tip.

Bella seemed to take heart from my response. "I want to touch … you."

I swallowed. Hard. I nodded curtly. "Slowly."

Bella extended one finger and ever-so-slowly touched it to my shaft, and traced it up to my glans. When she circled the tip, I yelped loudly. The pleasure was so intense. Too bad I scared the heck out of my mate. She jerked back, quaking, and I had to pluck her out of the air before she could fall to the floor.

"Sorry, sorry, hush," I cooed, cradling her on my lap next to my now-throbbing-for-release dick.

"Did I hurt you?" Bella cried, clinging to me.

"Ssh. No, of course not," I reassured her. She was wheezing, and her heart was going a mile a minute. "Hush, my Bella. It's not your fault. I was just… overwhelmed." How embarrassing.

"Oh," she murmured, and brushed her finger over my tip again.

"Fuck!" I yelped loudly, leaning back on my hands and scaring her stupid.

"Sorry!" she squeaked.

"No, it's okay." A pattern was developing here. One with which I wasn't happy.

"How can we get you used to my touch?" Bella persisted. I mulled it over.

"We just have to practice," I decided. "And initially, it can't be intense."

Bella nodded, and touched me a third time without warning. I fell over backwards, yelling. "Aagh!" She scooted to the end of the bed and hid. I pinched my eyes shut, mortified. I mean, she barely touched me. Mr Ed was so depressed he started to droop. Seconds ticked by.

"Mocha-chino?"

"Mm?"

"What if I touch you with the mitt?"

"Too much," I groaned.

"What if we, um, blindfold you?"

I made a frustrated noise, and restrained myself from rashly pouncing on my delicate little minx. "Dearest, I don't think I've ever been this frustrated in my existence. Sensory deprivation like that might… intensify the … um…"

"Tell you what: we don't have to rush this. I'm just going to lie down over here and-"

"It hurts," I blurted out.

"Huh?"

I opened one irritable eye. "It hurts."

Bella looked devastated. "I'm so sorry. If I hadn't teased you when we got here, maybe-"

I shut my eye again. "No, we were both flirting. It's normal behaviour, Bella. You shouldn't have to apologize for that."

"Don't be upset, Edward. You've pretty much gone eighty years without anybody touching you, right? Like even hugs and holding hands? This is a big change. I can be patient."

I extended my arm across the pillows and Bella rested her head on it. I knew without looking that she was staring at me. I swallowed, wondering if we just should have eloped so I could '_try, just try'_, sink in my teeth, wait a few days, and never, ever have to go through this again. It didn't seem very romantic, though. And my womenfolk would murder me if I were to cancel the wedding.

"The trouble is," I said slowly, "I can't be patient anymore."

"Ah. Kindly put us out of our misery and juggle the fuck stick."

Something did not compute.

"Hm?" I asked, cracking one eye open again. _Please, please, please say 'fuck' again._

"You know, have a session with the Jedi master. Use the Force."

"I'm not following you," I admitted.

"Condition the leather. Go blind. Um… Stretch before exercise?"

"Bella," I remonstrated, totally lost.

"Stroke the snake? Spackle the ceiling?"

I looked at my mate, comprehension dawning.

"Buff the gun?"

"Oh, jeez Louise!" I exclaimed, slapping the heel of my hand to my forehead. "Where did you pick up all those expressions?" Laughter bubbled out of me.

"High school locker room. Collecting them is… sort of a hobby," my mate admitted.

I sighed, shaking my head fondly. "And it doesn't make you blush to say them. _Tsk tsk_. Naughty Bella."

"You love me naughty," she asserted. "I'm dragging you into the Twenty-first Century whether you want to come, or not."

I eyed her teasingly. "Believe me: I want to cum. So you want Cyclops to fight the five-headed monster until he cries?"

Bella beamed at me. "Ooh. That's a good one."

"I'll have you know one thing," I said, laying on the dazzle.

"What?"

I brushed a kiss onto her mouth. "It is _not_ a 'fuck stick'. It might be a 'love truncheon', but _never_ will it be anything less noble."

"I know," my mate said breathlessly, resting her hand over my still heart. "I don't want you to hurt for me. Get busy."

"Yes, Ma'am," I agreed, taking matters in hand. Bella rested her head gently on my shoulder, stroking my chest. I replayed the picture of her questing fingers in my head, matching the visual with my own touch. Long stroke, long stroke, palm the head, over and back. Again and again, while my long-desired mate watched in silence. Since Mr Ed had been stifled so many times throughout the evening, it was taking me a long time to get off.

"Use the oil," Bella pleaded, causing my hand to still. I reached for the pump bottle, and drizzled a runny line of the clear fluid down the length of my shaft. I smoothed it around gently until my cock was indisputably looking and feeling its best. Inverting my hand, I wrapped it around myself and gave a hard pull.

"Yeah," my mate encouraged me, running her fingers lightly over my chest. "Pretend it's me. Pretend you're inside me: my body is so tight and warm around you."

_OMG she is going to talk me through it. _"Ye-ah. Mmm. T-tell me."

I felt Bella's lashes tickle my chest. "We feel so smooth and slippery as we move together. That's right. That's right. Feels good, doesn't it?"

My eyes rolled rapturously as I stroked myself, my beloved's soft voice urging me on. I realized her right hand was between her legs, fondling her nub.

"More, Love. Do it again. Yes. Pull hard. More."

I obliged her, drawing air in through my teeth.

"It's going to feel so good. I can't wait to feel you inside me." Bella pushed her unoccupied hand's fingers over my nipples, leaving trails of heat behind, and pressed a kiss to my shoulder. "Your body is magnificent. You were made to please me. I want to touch you so badly, and we're going to make it happen, Edward."

"Soon," I gasped, feeling energy coil in my balls. My hips jutted up of their own volition, and I dragged my knuckles over the main line of my shaft, while thumbing over the corona. So good.

Bella's breath hitched. "Yes. Yes. I'm cumming for you. I'm marking you as mine. Unnnh!" She arched her head back, leaning on one elbow, and collected wetness in her hand while I grasped and squeezed myself, breathing unsteadily.

"I'm cumming," I moaned, feeling the rush of jism surge up my cock. There was a moment, crystalized in time, in which I watched it spurt, and then my mate's hand descended, dripping, and tenderly smoothed over my cock, combining our most intimate essences. Ohmygod she palmed me! I cried out, every nerve ending in my body exploded, and I was swept away for what felt like hours, surely experiencing the greatest orgasm of my life.

When I came down, Bella was tucked into my side, her hand massaging our jism into the hair on my lower abdomen, and I was drifting in a sea of tranquility, too emotionally exhausted to move.

"Well, well, Mr Cullen," my mate said drowsily, "I think I know how to touch you without getting bitten, now."

I swallowed venom. "Don't push your luck," I groaned, flat on my back. I rolled to embrace my beloved, knotting my fingers in her hair. As they were rather sticky, it was kind of hawt. "That was… the best. Love you."

"Yes," she said, flushed, warm and damp, her heart singing to me. "You didn't stop me. It's getting easier."

"A little." I realized that it was well after midnight. Bella had to be coaxed to rest.

"You want to shower?" she asked me considerately, sliding out of bed to have a human moment.

"No, I want to cuddle. Please kill the lights and the TV. We'll shower in the morning," I said, huffing out air.

"You yawned," Bella accused me, rushing back to my side. "Are you okay?"

I stretched languorously. "We don't yawn. I feel great. Never better. Hurry up, Lover. I want to hold you while we sleep."

"We?" she said warily, and I realized that I'd had a slip of the tongue.

"You know what I mean."

"I'll be right back, she promised. And she kept it very quickly.

"Come here." Bella slid into my arms, and I arranged the bedclothes around us. She tucked her face under my chin, resting her left hand on the small of my back, and the right one between our chests. I tucked my face down, basking in the warmth of our little nest.

"You're warm," Bella frowned. I drew back a little, reluctantly.

"I can't be warm, Bella. We don't get warm unless we bake ourselves under heat for an extended period of time. I'm sorry, Love. You must be cold. Perhaps we should…" I really didn't want to get on top of the covers, "get pajamas on."

Bella looked up at me with concern. "I'm not cold, Edward. I'm sweating. _You_ are _warm_. You're either turning back to human, or you're sick." She laid her head on my chest and listened. "Nope, no heart beat."

"There's no possible way for me to revert to human, Bella. Sorry."

"_I'm_ not," she said. "You don't feel sick?"

Scratching her back, I pressed my lips to her temple. "I feel … good. Relaxed. Please stop worrying."

"You're saying my lines," she yawned.

"Hah."

"Will you please talk to Carlisle tomorrow?" she pressed.

"Okay. I'll talk to Carlisle. Now, go to sleep. It's late, and I want to take you to the Gorge tomorrow."

"We're going hiking?"

"_I'm_ going hiking. I don't need you falling down the escarpment. _You _are riding me."

"Ooh. Kinky."

I felt my face crinkle up with laughter. "Shut up and go to sleep." And for once, she did exactly as she was told.

*~*~*!*~*~*

**Friday, July 22****nd****, 2005, 6:30am:**

Bella yawned and stretched like a baby cat, waving her minxy boobs in my face. How great was that! I was going to be very, very sorry to take her home. Mr Ed was going to suffer terribly once Charlie got back in the picture.

"Mmm. M'ning Beau-ful."

"Good morning, Sweetheart. You haven't slept long. Are you sure you're ready to get up?"

"You goh jammies on," she frowned. _Non sequitor_. And terrible English.

I shrugged. "You were shivering."

Bella unzipped my hoodie and slipped her hands inside. "You aren't warm anymore."

"No." I rested my chest carefully against hers, taking rather smug enjoyment from the way it made her tits bump up. She rolled her eyes, took hold of a fistful of my hair, and gave me a shake (I let her waggle me. That was only gentlemanly).

"You still need to talk to Carlisle."

"Yes, Mother." Shutting my eyes, I leaned in, nuzzling Bella's breast, and took a tentative lick at her nipple. Best. Breakfast. Ever.

"Oh, God!" Bella yelped, bucking, but then she groaned and went limp, covering her eyes with her arm.

I eyed her, worried. "Did I do it wrong?"

She grabbed both my cheeks and kissed me hard. "No. You did it exactly right. Do me a favour and hold onto that thought, 'kay?"

"Okay," I agreed, as confused as ever.

Bella ran her fingers between my eyes, smoothing out the worried crease. "Human moment." My mate slid out from under me, taking the warmth of the room with her.

I choked back a laugh, resting my head on my hand. "Don't you dare shower without me," I told her. I heard her mutter 'cocky bastard' under her breath.

"Hmm? What was that?" I asked, biting back a grin.

Bella peeked back into the room, biting back a smile. "I wouldn't think of it."

I am the man.

Mere minutes later, Bella was crawling back into bed with me, warming oil in hand.

"Don't you want breakfast?" I checked.

"I'll eat a Pop Tart," Bella shrugged. "Alice packed them."

"Has she got a sink in that bag?" I blinked. My sister's packing ability was legend in our community. I wouldn't be surprised to find a Porsche in that little bitty bag.

"Hah. We should dump it out later just to see what all's in there," Bella smiled.

"How the heck will you toast your Pop Tart? Hairdryer?"

"They're fine raw." Bella declared, liberating me from my hoodie. She glanced up at me, and growled a little. "Don't wrinkle your nose at me, mister. I don't criticize what you eat."

"I'm not an omnivore, Baby. I don't often get to pick and choose. A Pop Tart does not strike me as being either very delicious or very healthy fare for you."

"You can watch me hunt later," she offered.

"Mmm. And what will you hunt, missy?" I purred.

"Bacon," she said, wrapping her mouth around the word like an apex predator's jaw around an herbivore's neck.

"Sounds pretty sexy," I declared.

"You ain't seen nothin' yet."

"Grr-wow."

Bella reached for the warming oil, and prepared to squirt it into her hands.

"Where's the mitt?" I wondered.

"It was getting ugly. I gave it a bath."

"Sounds sinful. I'm getting ugly," I suggested. My mate dropped the bottle of oil on the bed and grabbed my hand. I let her pull me into the bathroom.

"Tub?" she inquired.

Mr Ed made his feelings on the matter known, by emitting a line of pre-cum that stretched all the way to the floor. We both looked at it, then Bella stretched out her hand and broke the thread. My over-imaginative dick responded in the only way he knew how, by spewing torrents of jism at her. I screwed my eyes shut, mortified. Seventeen-year-old cock forever? Okay. Fifteen? I _sincerely_ hoped not.

"That is so hawt," Bella declared. I opened one eye and peeped at her. My inability to last more than five seconds didn't displease her? Schwing!

Bella reached out to place her hand around my neck. I was so amped up that her palm felt scalding. I leaped back a couple of feet, startled.

"You okay?" she asked, looking a little lost. My stomach clenched painfully, and my throat caught fire.

"I'm very sorry. I need to feed."

Bella looked confused. "But you only fed a couple of days ago."

"I know," I said, avoiding her eyes. "It must be because of all the… s-stimulation."

"Oh," my mate blinked. "Do you have to go now?"

I considered the matter carefully. "I don't want to try and hunt here while it's light out. There are too many humans about. As long as you feel safe here, I'll go tonight."

Bella shrugged. "It's a nice little hotel. What could possibly go wrong here?"

I arched a brow. "Famous last words, Miss Danger Magnet."

"I'll be fine. Can we still shower?"

I was so sorely tempted, but I had to protect my Bella. "It wouldn't be wise to get me excited right now, Love."

"Vampire-speed power wash?" she pleaded.

I rolled my eyes. "Doing it fast would probably only encourage me to sink in my teeth. How about we take our time, but keep it… chaste?"

"Chaste. A naked Edward in my shower. Hmm. I'm not sure 'chaste' is the right word," she said slyly. See? No sense of self-preservation.

"Above the belt?" I managed to choke out.

"M'kay. We can do the unchaste scrubbing tomorrow, when you've fed," Bella agreed, stepping into the tub.

"I can live with that," I told her, cheering up.

We compared the way soap acted on her skin to the way it behaved on mine. Or misbehaved, to be more accurate. It ended with shrieks of laughter and the pair of us jumbled up at the bottom of the tub, fighting to hold onto what remained of my bar of soap. The room was practically invisible with steam by the time we had managed to bathe, and Bella was starting to prune up.

"I need to shave," she told me, "or I'm going to start looking like a Wookie."

"Okay, I'll get out," I announced, rolling my eyes. I realized that we were running dangerously low on towels. No clean bath sheets. We would have to settle for the smaller ones. I took one of the two decent-sized ones, rubbed myself down and wrapped it around me. Retrieving my toiletry kit, I took out my comb and worked it through my hair. Then, I eyed my toothbrush thoughtfully.

"May I use your toothpaste?" I called to Bella.

"What, you have to ask? Go ahead," she encouraged me.

I helped myself, enjoying the taste of the mint, and spit in the sink. The center of my universe was singing Collective Soul's 'Shine' under her breath. She sounded better in the shower. Must be endorphins. And confidence. Heaving a contented sigh, I let myself out of the bathroom and went in search of semi-clean clothing, while continuing to brush my teeth. I rummaged through the bag and extracted my deodorant with difficulty. According to Bella, I didn't need it, but I mean, come on, really. She's only human.

I swiped my stick under my arms and put it back in the bag, and sifted through the clothing. Finally, I decided that the grey jeans were in the best shape. I took one of my clean pairs of underwear and started piling clothes on the bed. Perhaps there was a better t-shirt in the closet. As I passed the mirror, I stopped and did a double-take. Who was that guy? Scruffy, dripping wet, foaming at the mouth and looking awfully mellow for somebody with black eyes. Human, almost. Grasping the handle of the toothbrush, I whisked it cheerfully around my mouth a couple more times.

_Knock knock! I'm really sorry to do this to you and Bella, hon', but it's the only way to keep her safe._

I froze, my pupils dilating until there was no iris visible, and gawped at my reflection.

Alice?

_You might want to get dressed._

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the Apostles. I have gone mad.

"This can't be happening," I said to my reflection. "She wouldn't." I was so far gone in denial that I just stood and looked at myself.

_Ready or not, here we come._

***~*~*~!~*~*~***

_**Fin**_

_**You can go read the rest of the series now. I promise there are many stories to come. My characters won't shut up.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Jmolly**_


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